Would you let a new man buy you a house?

[Boxjumpers918]

My sister is in a new relationship. He's a wealthy man, no kids. She has 2 DC and is living in a housing association property. They've been together about 8 months. She spends 99% of her time at his house, as do her DC.

He's asked her to move in with her, as an insurance he's going to buy her a house to rent out. If things don't work out she's got a property to move into, fully paid for, in her name.

She's very excited about the whole thing. I'm not sure what to make of it. Any thoughts?

This could play out a number of ways - none of them great imo.

she’s bonkers having moved in with him with kids already, still - when he’s had enough of the kids they can live elsewhere right?

No, that feels very much like being bought.

Gosh, I suppose if it's really spare change to him, it's less significant than it feels to the rest of us.

On the face of it, she'll always have an escape route and/or an income of her own, it's jolly decent of him to have thought of that.

However, 8 months is way too early to be moving 2 children into a new man's house and you have to wonder why exactly he's so keen

'going to'

ie - hasn't actually happened yet

I'd be doing nothing unless/until it had actually happened. Easy to fake a future.

And if she feels wrong accepting a major gift from a new acquaintance, follow that feeling. Does she fully understand the sources of his wealth? Is she going to have any say about where this future flat might be?

Suggest they date for around 18 months and she make a decision after that. It's a good marker for if two people are really compatible.

I think she'd be mad to turn down the offer of a fully paid for property. BUT she needs to have the details combed through by a good solicitor to ensure there are no dodgy clauses.

If he turns nasty or throws it back at her she's got somewhere to move into!!

Loads of questions.

Does she get to choose, or have a say in the house being bought?
Presuming he is paying the deposit, and she rents it out to pay the mortgage, what happens if there are lengthy vacant periods / tenants stop paying rent and refuse to leave / tenants trash the house. Who pays?
Is there any timelimit on it - e.g. that she has to stay with him for X years to get the house ( or could she leave him a month after getting the house, and still have the house?)

I couldn't imagine doing this - would feel bought/beholden. But if she does it, get a good solicitor to review the paperwork.

I’d be sceptical.

I think I’d seek legal advice first on whether, even if the house was in my sole name, he could somehow take it back.
What are the odds of getting another HA place if things don’t work out??

Overall it seems too much too soon. Why the rush?? Both of them should be putting the DC first. To me that would mean a slow gradual introduction and wouldn’t have happened yet. It’s still very early days. If he has no DC he may find living with them full time pretty hard.
I would say great idea, can we revisit in 6-10 months and really spend the time getting to know each other properly.

Yes, possibly but definitely not at the eight month mark. Way too soon. I would be very concerned about power balance.

Would I let someone buy me a house if I needed one yes I would.
Would I let a man I've only known such a short time take control of mine and my children's lives by dictating where I live. No I wouldn't.

Yea but it all seems too good to be true. I hope it isn't, good luck to her.

Not in a million years would I go along with this. There are so many ways it could go wrong - he may have debts that he would associate with the property, he may use it as a base for illegal activity, he may try to reclaim it via legal action if they break up - and that's just off the top of my head. Not to mention the enormous power imbalance it would create.

8 months is far too soon to be moving in together especially with kids involved. If he is a decent man he'll wait a few years.

but she will lose her housing assocation house?
so all a bit dodgy
strange idea. so she gets an escape, what sort of relationship does this?

No way, and be beholden, not a chance.

i was lucky if my ex paid for a takeaway on my birthday so an offer of a house all paid for is like a lottery win.

Just get everything checked out as in paper work by a solicitor of her choice and fingers crossed.

Good Luck to her.
x

This

God no. Red flags all over the place with a too good to possibly be true offer like that.

Money laundering is another possibility. I can't stop thinking about all the ways this sounds dodgy!

Unless he's so wealthy that he's got money to burn then he's bonkers. Huge red flag.

Yes, as long as it actually goes in her name and the profits go in her bank account.

I'd worry that he might use the fact that he bought me a house as a way to try and control me and I wouldn't like to feel that I owed anyone anything. On paper it sounds great but I'd be dubious of his motives tbh, especially after 8 months.

what it brings to mind to me is the kind of scam that happened in the tinder swindler thing.

The fact he’s not so rich that a couple
of hundred thousand pounds is pocket change to him makes it seem even stranger. 8 months and he’s buying her a house so they can move in together…

I just don’t believe it’s simply that he loves her so much and wants to protect her. It’s so utterly disproportionate.

I wouldn't believe a single word.

No, theres no such thing as a free lunch, she will be forever beholden to him, lose her ha house, move in with him, rent out the house he buys, what happens if the relationship doesnt last, she will have nowhere to go

Sounds like a story spun to get her to move in with him. Then the purchase of her property will be put off for various reasons, then he will guilt her saying “why does she want the property, doesn’t she love him” etc. Then she’s trapped.