Ok, I need some advice on what to do.
as I said we are separating, but still living in the same house. We haven’t slept (sex) together for 5 years, haven’t shared a bed for I year.
i am the one instigating the separation, he keeps saying “this isn’t what I want”. But it is his controlling and entitled behaviour that makes me want to leave. We have been doing our own cooking and washing for the last 6 weeks. Before that I had been doing both (laundry 100%) in our 30 plus years.
our washing machine has been out of action a couple weeks but got fixed yesterday. My husband did his laundry first (mostly undies and socks). He told me there was room on the drying rack, so I did a small load of my stuff.
I went to hang it on the rack, and a couple of things dropped to the floor. One of which was a pair of ladies pants, black half lace, size 10 tui (sainsbury). They are absolutely, definitely not mine.
my first question. Does anyone know of a completely innocent explanation? He has been away from home overnight, but they have been normal reasons. Go to see friends, stay with his brother. Could he have gathered up the pants when he was packing his own bag?
he is notoriously messy, disorganised, forgetful and slapdash. The fact he actually put them on the drying rack and then told me there was room for my stuff makes me wonder if he even noticed they weren’t his pants.
He was out at the pub last night and I went to bed before he got back. Just to add, I didn’t even feel jealous at the thought he might be shagging around.
But I am concerned at the deceit. I have said to him, “Look were not making each other happy, you could go on and find someone else. His reply has always been who would look at an old crock like him with IBS, plus he’s not interested in someone else. (He’s not a bad catch, slim. Fit, charming, funds)
The thing is, he always twist the facts and turns it onto me. I truly believe he has narcissistic traits. I think he truly believes ‘his truth’ , so it goes around in circles.
I am loathe to confront him, as he will deny, deny and I wouldn’t put it past him to accuse me of making it up. He hates to be proved to be in the wrong.
shall I just suck it up, we’re separating anyway. Perhaps keep a closer eye on him. Look for proof.
I am finding it really hard to think he has done this, but in 30 plus years of doing his laundry, I’ve never found a rogue pair of ladies pants in our laundry.
But if it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck ……..