Is this a red flag

[Butterfly1066]

I ve been with my boyfriend around 5 months

It's been pretty good we have a lot in common however today we have had a massive argument and he is being cold and distant become he found out before I met him I meet someone on tinder and went on a few dates with with and we had sex, this was about a year before I met him

This was before I met him but he is making out that I have lied to him a I didn't tell him before about it and he has changed how he feels , it was actually a pretty insignificant thing that didn't work out in the end and I thought no more about it but he is making me feel horrible about myself and saying that if he had known he never would have dated me and that now he sees me differently

Dump him. He sounds unhinged!

Thank you all I appreciate it massively

I also remember him sulking one day when I was doing a very long day dealing with something very stressful that he thinks we need to give each other space and cancelled the weekend plans
This was sent at 1 in the morning

It was because he said I looked upset in the morning and hadn't told him why but it caused me a lot of stress when I was working

Plus another time he said he needed to talk , I was out with my cousin and her kids at the time and he was on a break so I couldn't get hold of him straight away and he has a problem cos had been using my phone in the night as I had insomnia

Then he saw a photo I had shared with a work colleague about a year ago earlier of a handsome man , and went quiet and sulky over that
It was a picture of my work colleague

I'm pretty sure he went weirdly quiet after he couldn't find some condoms he had left in my place which we had used and he hadn't remembered

God it is all depressing clear isn't it

He has to go

Yes, he has to go. Ugh

Thank fuck you don't live with the twat. Much easier to get him out your life.

Omg he gets worse with every update. Imagine how bad it could get if you stay with him.

Yes, please don't stay with him. It will not get better. He may say he'll change to keep you but it's ingrained in his character!

Yes, leave him. I have read all your updates and it just gets more and more toxic. It's amazing how one thing can suddenly trigger so many memories of other things that have happened in the past.

He's controlling and he's manipulative. Don't stand for it.

I don't usually subscribe to MN first response as LTB, as I think relationships are quite tough and do take work. However, I concur with everyone here LTB, he will get worse, you'll be constantly on edge when he sees innocent pics of other men or meets someone you used to know and when you aren't with him because of what he may be thinking and the reaction your going to get when you see him again. Not worth it!!

What an arsehole op. Block delete and run for the hills.

Thank you

Each and everyone of you who posted

He is going to be going

My life was better without him in it

Yeah. Let him attach himself to someone else and make their life a misery. Bloody men. When you read some of the stories on here it does make you wonder why we are not all single. I'm not but my bloke behaves himself most of the time and when he ever dares to cross a line I jump on him so hard he knows where he stands which is on thin ice most of the time.

Sorry that was a joke but I sort of got carried away with the narrative and made myself laugh

I'm pleased from your updates that you have come to the right conclusion. His tight little smiles and distance gazing make him sound like a first class dramatic tosser.

Your description of his various actions was sounding worse the more you said about him op. Coercive control alert! You are right to get out now - his behaviour would have escalated and made your life a misery. Be careful he doesn’t let you go quietly though - he won’t take kindly to you making the break, not him..

Are you with him now? Hope not.

No, I doubt he'll take the break up with good grace. I'd let this one go via text then block as he may well turn nasty. Hope he doesn't have a key to yours?

This^^

He is a controlling knob.
This is more than a red flag it's a big building covered in scarlet bunting.

If you don't dump his arse then you're doomed.
Seriously.
Please please do not accept this.

I think this needs to be my mission from now on, to encourage women to dump bastards.

Just saw the update! Good luck and I congratulate you!

I wonder if he will do that even you dump him?

Seriously, big red flags. Run!

So glad you're moving on. When you do tell him, just make sure you're somewhere public or have someone with you.

What a knob! Five months of controlling behaviour is five months too long.
Glad you're getting rid of him.

If you’re in your 50s, you were dating my ex…

im assuming you’re not,
and he’s not, but let me tell you… the torture he put me through for all the kinds of things you’re describing here… for years!

you’re lucky. You weren’t sucked in as far as I was.

this is the best day of your life because you have just saved yourself and been the best friend to yourself

hold yourself tight and tell yourself you’re proud of the strength and wisdom it’s taken to ask these questions and get the clarity.

well done.

Bloke's view here: he's a control freak, you just haven't/ hadn't seen it all yet, or perhaps wasn't fully aware. What does your gut feeling tell you, go with that. Mostly, when I've ignored my gut feelings things have turned out "wrong" or bad.

There is no conclusive list of red flags. Some things will be red flags to you that aren't to me, and vice versa. But one of the universal things that distinguishes a red flag (ie 'stop this relationship now') is this:

he is making me feel horrible about myself

Step away from anyone who makes you feel like that. Even if you'd done something awful, nobody who cared about you would make you feel horrible about yourself. They'd talk it through with you, try to work out why it happened etc. Only toxic people make you feel bad about yourself. Get away from anybody who gives you this feeling.

LTB. But be careful how you do it. Watch your back. Be somewhere else for a few days to a week if you even slightly suspect he'll turn nasty. If he does record everything.

That one's rotten, throw him back into the sea.