If this a fair judgement? Will I be a bad mum?

[SilentG1]

I don't have DC. I work a full time job, own my own flat, I go to the gym, I have friends/ family that I see regularly. I also (shock horror) enjoy a lie in on the weekend and like watching crap reality TV to wind down.
My boyfriend has told me he sometimes has doubts about how I would "perform" as a mother, which makes me feel rubbish and I feel unfair?
He said he wants the mother of his children to have a bit of "get up and go" and hobbies and motivation not someone who doesn't get out of bed until 9/10am on a weekend. Obviously if I had children my life would be totally different and I am well aware I won't be lazing around in bed on the weekend!
He is very highly strung and suffers from anxiety. He goes to crossfit early on a weekend and I often feel judged for wanting to have a lie in! I told him I'm never going to be a person to run a marathon or have a high flying career like him, but I have a decently paid job for a good company which I enjoy.
I work out a few times a week. I wouldnt say i have any "obvious" hobbies, which is apparently also a problem, but I enjoy reading, seeing friends and family and really enjoy decorating my home and interior design and but it doesn't feel good enough for him.
Can you compare someone without DC to someone with DC? Does he have a point and should I be making an effort to show him that I would be a good mother by doing these things he's suggesting?
It's making me feel inferior to him and affecting my self esteem a little.

Don't have children with this man

He's being stupid.

My partner and I were together for 10 years before having children. We loved lie ins. We're both introverted so like our own time and most evenings would be indoors chilling.

Post kids, now were up at 6/7am every morning without fail. I don't get as much time to myself as id like. Yearn for more time to myself and for more sleep.

Does that make me a bad mum?! Of course not. I care for my kids the best I can. They have a lovely life with boundaries, stability and loads of love and fun. Am I shattered? Yes. Is it hard work? Yes. Do I dream of days before children? Yes! But that's no reflection on my abilities as a mum.

I think your partner is being pretty unkind and if anything, it sounds like he's going to be the one who's in for a major shock when they come along. Also, I'd advise him to get help for his anxiety before introducing kids.

My partner would say I wasn’t maternal when I was pregnant & that was because I hated being pregnant.

It’s very easy to assume what you think you’ll be like as a parent.

i was like you & enjoyed a lay in & spending money on clothes & nights out but there’s nothing more I enjoy than being a mum. Baby classes, night feeds, being with her etc are what I enjoy now & it won’t be long before I can have a lay in but for now my life has changed.

just say to him that judging you & assuming something isn’t a nice quality a potential father should have

I don't get out of bed until necessary on a weekend and other than loving buying stuff for the house, seeing friends and family and the occasional crochet sesh I don't have proper hobbies. I have interests though!

My boyfriend looked at me the other day and said something like 'our future children will be so lucky to have you as their mum, you'll be the best mum and probably an even better nana, you were made for it' bla bla bla

It made me feel so nice.

You deserve that! Cut the bastard loose. Why would you act like a mum when you're not one?

He won't make a good dad with that shitty attitude!

Get rid asap. He's chatting nonsense. I used to be like you until kids. You just adapt.

He'd love me I have 2 DC and still enjoy a lie in on a Sunday as do both my kids! Nobody in this house surfaces before 9 or 10 maybe later if we are knackered. We go with the flo and while DH and I get up around 8.30 for work on Saturday (still a lie in) sometimes the DC are up first sometimes not til 10. Mind you I'm not a high performing parent I let mine do lots of things that are very un MN approved.

Really?

Run. Trust me.

It’s not even just about the differing priorities, it’s the attitude. I’m more like you, my DP has more ‘get up and go’. But he NEVER makes me feel inferior about it. In fact- we both buoy each other up about our differences. He encourages me to turn my vague ideas into actual projects (and I even complete them in a timely way!!) and I encourage him to take time for self-care and relaxation as he’d otherwise run himself into the ground.

I’m not a morning person at all so when we have a weekend together, he takes charge of breakfast, coffee etc, cleaning anything up in the kitchen from the night before, he even designed a ‘morning playlist’ to put on while getting breakfast ready which transitions from gentle melodies to more peppy, happy songs to ease me into a good morning spirit (I know- so extra- but I love it!) and similarly when it’s the evening, I’ll take charge of dinner while he has a bath and just chills out for once.

What I’m saying is- it’s the attitude that’s the problem. All of these facets that are so different about you could be celebrated as your strong points, IF you have a supportive partner.

Oh- and as for parenting, I’m a single mother (DP does not live with us) but my kid and DP both comment regularly on me being a great mum. Kid says all the time how much she loves me and how I’m the best mum in the world which is incredibly heartwarming. I think she appreciates that I’m a bit slower paced- I’m like a calm, secure base for her to come back to. She gets all her energy out with her friends! I don’t need to be pushing her all the time, our home is where she can relax.

Similarly when DP is here for a visit, she loves that he does all the busy stuff like bike rides and games of footie (I’m so bad at sports!) basically it all comes down to whether your child feels cared about. If they’re loved, they’ll appreciate however you show that love, be it crazy active playtime or cuddles and stories.

Do not, under any circumstances, try and jump through hoops to please his lordship's expectations of you. The goalposts will be moved again and again, your self esteem will be chipped away at piece by piece and eventually you will lose who you really are to constantly trying to live up to ideals it will never be possible to reach. If you have children together, this will become worse.

Pre children as an adult should absolutely be about being yourself, enjoying what you want to do, being a bit selfish at times and finding out what matters in life.

Take as many lie ins as you can and cherish them-after children there will be few, and those you do have are semi conscious snoozes in the main as your brain is hard wired to respond to the toddler screaming because of the one cornflake being not quite the right size and colour or the tantrum because the red car does not fit in the garage sideways. As they get older, your sleep pattern is so shot, you wake up at 6am regardless. Older still and you worry about them as they go off on nights out etc, more sleepless nights.

I would have genuine concerns about how well this man would support you with a baby. He comes across as inflexible, harsh and fixed in what he expects from everyone around him with no regard for their feelings.

Leave him to it. Alone. You can do so much better and definitely should.