If this a fair judgement? Will I be a bad mum?

[SilentG1]

I don't have DC. I work a full time job, own my own flat, I go to the gym, I have friends/ family that I see regularly. I also (shock horror) enjoy a lie in on the weekend and like watching crap reality TV to wind down.
My boyfriend has told me he sometimes has doubts about how I would "perform" as a mother, which makes me feel rubbish and I feel unfair?
He said he wants the mother of his children to have a bit of "get up and go" and hobbies and motivation not someone who doesn't get out of bed until 9/10am on a weekend. Obviously if I had children my life would be totally different and I am well aware I won't be lazing around in bed on the weekend!
He is very highly strung and suffers from anxiety. He goes to crossfit early on a weekend and I often feel judged for wanting to have a lie in! I told him I'm never going to be a person to run a marathon or have a high flying career like him, but I have a decently paid job for a good company which I enjoy.
I work out a few times a week. I wouldnt say i have any "obvious" hobbies, which is apparently also a problem, but I enjoy reading, seeing friends and family and really enjoy decorating my home and interior design and but it doesn't feel good enough for him.
Can you compare someone without DC to someone with DC? Does he have a point and should I be making an effort to show him that I would be a good mother by doing these things he's suggesting?
It's making me feel inferior to him and affecting my self esteem a little.

Don't have kids with someone so critical of you. From what I've seen of my nearest and dearest who've done this, it leads to very separate lives and quite low self esteem.

If his (nasty) comments have triggered you to come her looking for answers then it shows you that it isn't comfortable for you. Don't spend your life with someone who makes you feel uncomfortable.

Perfect response!

This is the guy who's about to go on a 2wk solo holiday that he didn't tell you about, right?

I'm sorry op but this is over. He's telling you loud and clear he doesn't see a future together.

You will be a very good mother, if you choose to be. But not with him. 🌸

If he doesn't think you will be a good mum probably best you go your separate ways. Even quicker if he really means your not being a good 'mum' to him!

Please do not have a child with this man. Nothing you do will ever be good enough. I actually wonder if he doesn't want kids and, by putting the sowing seeds of doubt, he hopes you'll go off the idea and won't mention it again.

@SilentG1 Objectively speaking, you actually sound like PERFECT wife and mother material from your description.

I don’t know what wonderful characteristics your partner has which have led you to think he’s worthy of you, but I am 100% certain there’s more to this than meets the eye from his perspective. It sounds like he suspects you are far more able than him, socially and emotionally, to form bonds with people and that he is essentially trying to ensure you don’t get too confident and find someone better than him. I’ve seen it so often, I think you probably know deep down this is what’s going on. You say he suffers anxiety, one thing that people with anxiety are good at doing is playing through scenarios in their head and applying preemptive fixes, he knows you’re too good for him he’s trying to fix it so that you don’t realise that too.

Honestly, I think he’s right. You need to let him go, you are better than him, and you will eventually find someone who is a much better match so perhaps you should just rip the plaster off and make space for that person now by wishing him well, and sending him on his way.

Your life just now sounds like mine before DD was born tbh.

It's no reflection on your parenting skills whatsoever....your life changes dramatically but until that happens make the most of your child free life just now.

@SilentG1 I just realised you're the same person who's partner has just booked a 2 week holiday without discussing it with you.

I'd say either of these posts are potentially "dumpable" offences in their own right. Both together makes it a no brainer

Throw him back. You're not suited and he's not great father material either.

Tell the judgemental twat to get fucked! There is nothing wrong with how you are living your life from what you have said. In fact you sound like the sort of person I would really like and would love to raise kids with (were you my gender of choice attraction-wise). Chilled, happy in your own skin, nothing to prove. No mad obsession with furthering your wealth and career - which personally I find really unattractive (and not everyone does - but we should all do us - right? I much prefer someone who is doing a job they love because they love it. Which is why in my early 40s I took a massive pay cut to go back to doing what I love doing).

I am possibly being unfair to him. I guess the things he desires in a partner/co-parent are valid things to desire. We are all different!

So yeah, I think you will potentially be a great parent - you sound kind and thoughtful and rational and easy-going. But I don't think you are going to get on well raising kids with this bloke, whose values and preferences sound wildly different from your own.....

Sorry. I know that won't be what you want to hear. But I (like other some other posters) think you should dump his cross-fit arse and get with somebody who loves you for who you are!

This guy reminds me of someone I know. A sad little prick that hates everyone, including his own family and needs to prove something to others. He makes life a living hell to everyone around and he feeds on that. His wife is not good enough, and neither are his kids.
He thinks of himself being a good father, forcing his own ideas on his kids and wife who are so sad and despressed
He still lives that miserable life just because he can't understand how different people are.
You deserve better!

You sound as if you are happy and content in your own skin and your life, some men don’t like this, some feel confident women need knocking down a peg or two, he’s already got you questioning yourself when there isn’t any need to. Dump him.

He sounds horrible, not only trying to control you, but him thinking his views are the only right ones. There is nothing intrinsically wrong with not getting up at the crack of dawn at the weekend, and he sounds like a joyless dementor, sucking all the fun out of life.
Don't stay with him, he will make your life miserable.
You sound like a nice, decent and reasonably chilled person, I'm sure you could do better than him. And you have all the qualities to make a good mother.

Don’t have kids with him.

I think you sound like a lovely calm and relaxed person who is happy in their own shoes and you know your own priorities in life. You would make a wonderful mother. A far better one than if you were anxious or critical of others.

You deserve far batter than your other half. Get rid.

You sound absolutely fine.
He sounds like a massive bell end.

Youll likely make a perfectly good mother. Not so sure about him as father material, he sounds utterly tedious.

My boyfriend has told me he sometimes has doubts about how I would "perform" as a mother, which makes me feel rubbish and I feel unfair?

He is a prick.

Gosh, you sound like a completely normal person. Before Dh and I had kids, we’d regularly sleep until 11am on the weekends. Why not have a lie in and relax if you can? Not to say we wouldn’t get up earlier if we had something we wanted to do, but that’s perfectly fine and normal when you are child free in your 20s and 30s. As is not filling any spare minute with stuff to do. Just enjoy your life and be happy. I have 2 dc now and I still have a moving box in my hall that’s been sitting there, unpacked, since I put it there when we moved in 4 months ago. So what? It’s fine. I can’t get uptight about stuff like that.

If anything your laidback approach will make it easier for you to adjust to being a parent. Someone who has lots of hobbies, expects to be up and going to the gym on Saturday mornings, etc is probably going to struggle a lot more with the adjustment to parenting, when it becomes really hard to make that sort of time for yourself.

Your bf sounds like a bit of a test though and you two don’t seem well suited to each other.

*test = twat though also testing

My friend is just like you. She had a baby 18m ago and is literally just the best mum - and definitely better than I am and I had plenty of hobbies pre-kids. She's kind, patient, organised and fun with the kids, it's not how I expected her to be if I'm honest but it's like she's just found her role in life.

Your partner sounds like a dick. I'd run a Mike.

Mile, even

Nah. But he sounds like a shit partner and therefore a crap Dad.

I remember your other threads. At this point I think it’s time to consider that you and your boyfriend are not comparable long term.

Shit, don't have a baby with this wanker. He will forever be marking your homework and telling you what you're doing wrong. Every minor imperfection in your children will be your fault. You will be constantly under scrutiny. Don't do it. Ditch him and find someone who is on your wavelength.