If this a fair judgement? Will I be a bad mum?

[SilentG1]

I don't have DC. I work a full time job, own my own flat, I go to the gym, I have friends/ family that I see regularly. I also (shock horror) enjoy a lie in on the weekend and like watching crap reality TV to wind down.
My boyfriend has told me he sometimes has doubts about how I would "perform" as a mother, which makes me feel rubbish and I feel unfair?
He said he wants the mother of his children to have a bit of "get up and go" and hobbies and motivation not someone who doesn't get out of bed until 9/10am on a weekend. Obviously if I had children my life would be totally different and I am well aware I won't be lazing around in bed on the weekend!
He is very highly strung and suffers from anxiety. He goes to crossfit early on a weekend and I often feel judged for wanting to have a lie in! I told him I'm never going to be a person to run a marathon or have a high flying career like him, but I have a decently paid job for a good company which I enjoy.
I work out a few times a week. I wouldnt say i have any "obvious" hobbies, which is apparently also a problem, but I enjoy reading, seeing friends and family and really enjoy decorating my home and interior design and but it doesn't feel good enough for him.
Can you compare someone without DC to someone with DC? Does he have a point and should I be making an effort to show him that I would be a good mother by doing these things he's suggesting?
It's making me feel inferior to him and affecting my self esteem a little.

Ha ha ha. None of those traits indicates in any way what sort of mother you would be.

You could tell him that sport-obsessed critical tossers don't make good fathers either.

Then dump him.

Highly strung? Is that code for rude, difficult, rigid, likes things his own way?

Get out and get practicing thngyu hve to know how to do when you are mother, Go for a walk together, run along benches, walk along walls, climb trees , jump in puddles..........show him you know what to do!

What a twat

After your update OP, I’d be really wary of him (as a husband and father). I would be scared he would think his job was more important than mine, so always prioritise it - and expect me to do all the kids stuff (sick days, pick ups from school, activities) - then criticize me for not doing enough… while carrying on his golf (eg as it is good ‘networking’) and CrossFit (as his high stress job means he needs relaxation) - even if I was exhausted looking after toddler.

I can only imagine how he would treat his future children.

You sound like perfect mum material! You have good priorities. He, on the other hand is not good partner material...

@EthicalNonMahogany she does have interests. She likes reading, interior design and bonding with family and friends.

I love a sleep in too, why not do so before we have kids and HAVE to get up?

He sounds nasty tbh OP.

Red flag Red flag Red flag
Please don't procreate with this twat face. His superior attitude stinks.

agree @TheWayoftheLeaf and OPs updates make me think I took the thread in the wrong direction making it about the nature of passions & interests, so I'm sorry I did that.

Really it's about him being a rigid idiot whose comments suggest he is unlikely to have the flex and give you need for parenting - I agree with most others on that.

Also by the way I wasn't saying that parenting is in itself a creative or worthwhile thing (though as with most things, you can do it in a more mindlessly-consuming or less mindlessly-consuming way).

There’s nothing wrong with the way either of you approach life. And in fact a relationship with two people like your DP could be quite unbalanced I think. My DH and I are a bit like you and your DP. I am like you and he is like your DP. The difference is that before we had children he really loved that I was more relaxed, sociable and a bit quirky. I absolutely never felt criticised just for being me. He liked the way I am! As I say above, there is nothing wrong with the different ways in which you each approach life. What is not ok is one person saying that the other is in some way ‘wrong’ for doing things the way that they do. If DP is being critical now, I imagine he will be super critical and potentially quite controlling once you have children. Eg having strong opinions about how you manage your day when you are on maternity leave and how you parent generally. What would be much healthier would be you each recognising that your different approaches to life give your children different but good examples of how to cope with and manage their own lives. IF he can’t do this you are going to feel constantly criticised and undermined and your home life is going to be a source of tension and conflict, and your children are going to feel pulled in different directions.

And before I had children I too loved a weekend lie in! And I still like crap reality TV…..

ah @ImplementingTheDennisSystem I can see what you mean. Sorry, I wrote my post in an unhelpful way. I meant that I might look at someone with a) health and b) no kids and c) not a lot of pressure or ambition in their job - then my take is, surely they have a lot of spare energy, and I can't see why they wouldn't have interesting, constructive hobbies and interests.

How you live you life now means fuck all whether you will a good mum or not.

HIS behaviour however stinks and says a lot of how he would be as a father and a live in partner.
Because just now he has shown you that
1- things should be done his way. Your ideas of what is good or enjoyable have no value Because he is right anyway.
2- he has no issue putting you down
3- he has no issue judging you on the way you live your life and te way you will POTENTIALLY live your life
4- most important thing is to get things done.
How much weight he will give to his exercise routine and his (very important) job remains to be seen. But I would suspect he would approach parenting the same way. A list of tasks to get through. Which would leave no leeway for all the things children are so good at: stopping to look at a flower, deciding that now is the right time to ‘put my babies in bed’, starting to talk to you about what happened at school (even though it’s past bed time) etc…. Basically his attitude is likely to make him a not so great parent….
5- and things have to be done his way which with parenting will quickly become a nightmare.

Im going tossed with a few PP and say that I would seriously review the relationship and wonder if this is the kind of person you can nto send your life with and have children with tbh….

Really like @Whatsthisallaboutconfused post

He sounds awful! Why is he with you if he feels your way of life is so wrong?! 9 hour days plus gym is hardly a lazy way to live. Fwiw, I think your attitude makes for a laid back, roll with the punches type of parent. I think having children with him would be very stressful with his "highly strung" attitude and the fact he'd hardly be there with all his hobbies!

You might both make good parents - but not together.

This with bells on!

You deserve better and you sound incompatible. I agree, being a bit more laid back is likely to contribute to happier parenting and children

DO NOT have children with this man.

He'd make a crap dad, definitely wouldn't give up any of his important hobbies.

You sound lovely.

All solved by trading him in for a lovely thoughtful, non judgemental guy

OP if you have a full time job during the week and want to lie in on the weekend SO WHAT. Your life IS going to change WHEN you have kids but you don't have any yet, why 'practice' just to prove anything to him.

I loved sleeping in before kids, and my husband knew this before we'd even gotten married, so when we did he was nice enough to let me be.

You sound like you have a stable, responsible life, hobbies do not make someone a better mother or person in general. If you were going out partying all night and sleeping in with a hangover i would tell you maybe you need to change your ways but in this instance it seems your DP is trying to mold you into what he wants.

Enjoy your life, he can try and adapt!

He's an idiot. I have no hobbies - raising my son is the closest thing I have, and that's fine for now as he's 3. Dads with hobbies are the absolute worst, they ignore their responsibilities to go gallivanting around so if you want kids don't try with this bellend.

Where to start?!

People are different. That's OK. Some love the gym and being out and about. Some like reading and watching films. Neither is 'wrong', they are just different. As a couple, you can either live with your differences or not. You sound like a 'live and let live' person. He sounds like a 'if someone doesn't have the same attituse / hobbies / opinions as me they're wrong' person.

Loving a lie-in and nice days out don't mean you won't make a good mum. Everyone's lives change hugely when they have children, and you can't judge how good they will be at parenting by their life pre-children. That said, the people who tend to struggle the most are those whose hobbies are their life, the ones who have to be doing something or going somewhere. Because you have to give up on some or all of your hobbies, even if only temporarily, when you have a baby. So if anything, he's the one who will struggle more.

He sounds like he's auditioning you (from his position of knowing what? Does he know more about parenting than you??) and decided you won't be up to the job. How arrogant and naive of him.

Either that or he doesn't want children and is lining up his reasons (ie it's your fault).

Or maybe he's trying to undermine you, to hold some control over you (making you think you're lucky to have him, and you need to try harder to please him).

Whatever his reason he isn't a good person. He is a) wrong and b) really cruel. I wouldn't want children with a judgemental, arrogant, critical person like him, if I were you.

Also, I'm a mum and shock horror, sometimes have a lie in myself!
Because my partner and I support each other and if one of us is tired or just needs a bit of extra time in bed, the other one will step in. Coke to think of it, my litte DD also loves a lie in on the weekends - your partner would hate us!

You'd probably make a lovely mum, sounds like it would be him with the issues!

Eww, I would definitely not be bringing a child into the world with this prick