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Original poster

Is this weird? Would this put you off someone?

87 replies

Espressomartinih · 23/06/2022 10:13

So I've been dating a guy for the last 6 weeks, pretty casual, the sex is great and there is def chemistry there. Last night we were lying in bed and he got up to go get a drink, he put what I thought were his boxers on , when he came back, he asked if I liked his underwear and it was then I realised he was wearing my black undies! I was like wtf! It really creeped me out and I didn't like that he just lifted my underwear and put them on. That was bad enough but then we ordered a take away and he came out of the bedroom wearing my top which was of course far too small on him, he laughed about it and I just laughed it off and asked him to take it off.
What is going on? Is this his way of testing boundaries, is he a cross dresser? Or was he just trying to be funny? Now that I look back I notice that he would like me to leave underwear behind if I stayed over but I never did as I thought it was weird.
This has def put me off him a bit, or am I overreacting?

OP posts:
Daffodilsdance · 23/06/2022 10:15

I would put me off , sorry .

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 23/06/2022 10:17

Thst would be the end for me. He is bluntly telling you what he is.

Original poster
Espressomartinih · 23/06/2022 10:19

Really? Do you think he's telling me he's a cross dresser?

OP posts:
Lindy2 · 23/06/2022 10:20

A one off with the underwear I would probably put it down to an attempt to be funny.

The top as well makes it possibly a bit more than that. I'd keep an eye on things and see if it becomes more regular.

I'm afraid if it did I'd be completely put off. A guy in lacey clothes is not at all attractive to me.

pbj · 23/06/2022 10:20

Yes and yes. How rude to wear your underwear without asking. It would be a complete turn off for me and I’d dump him.

Watchkeys · 23/06/2022 10:21

Some people will be ok with this, some won't. There's no 'right' or 'wrong' about it, it's a matter of taste.

If someone you've been dating for a few weeks creeps you out, you stop dating them.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 23/06/2022 10:22

He's testing the boundaries!

lolil · 23/06/2022 10:23

Espressomartinih · 23/06/2022 10:19

Really? Do you think he's telling me he's a cross dresser?

It doesn't matter what he is telling you. Don't get too caught up in trying to work out his message. It's fucking weird, get rid.

Bookworm20 · 23/06/2022 10:25

He put on both your underwear and your top.
One thing could maybe pass as a silly joke (though, really, why? I'd find it a huge turn off if my dp put my undies on!). But 2 things. I think he may like it a little too much.

lolil · 23/06/2022 10:26

Some people will be ok with this, some won't. There's no 'right' or 'wrong' about it, it's a matter of taste.

Actually respect is more important. He didn't discuss or be respectful, it makes no difference if OP would be ok with it. OP needs to be ok with respect, communication and boundaries more. This man has ignored all.

Iamnotamermaid · 23/06/2022 10:27

I would be asking questions. if it was a once off let it go, if it starts to escalate time to rethink...

Watchkeys · 23/06/2022 10:31

lolil · 23/06/2022 10:26

Some people will be ok with this, some won't. There's no 'right' or 'wrong' about it, it's a matter of taste.

Actually respect is more important. He didn't discuss or be respectful, it makes no difference if OP would be ok with it. OP needs to be ok with respect, communication and boundaries more. This man has ignored all.

Respect is also a matter of taste. Some people, for example, will be ok for their partner not to say 'please' and 'thank you' sometimes, and others would find it disrespectful. We all have our own set of rules. Asking other people what they would feel/do is irrelevant.

OP was creeped out. That's all that matters. Whether it was because he was right/wrong/disrespectful/whatever is secondary. If someone creeps you out after a few dates, you leave, regardless of the reason.

JuneJubilee · 23/06/2022 10:31

If you're ok with him liking to wear ladies clothes then carry on seeing him.

if it turns you off as much as it turns me off, stop seeing him.

it's who he is & what he likes. Not your place to try & change him, but equally you're entitled not to want to be with someone who does it.

I know a bloke in his 70's who does it, he wears ladies underwear/stoking/skirts etc around the house, but not when he leaves the house. He's done this for years, so it may not get any 'worse' but he's not going to stop either. Many years ago I cast him off my line & found other fish, but were still friends (he's much older than me) & he STILL can't understand why I don't find it attractive/sexy 🤦🏻‍♀️

lolil · 23/06/2022 10:31

Iamnotamermaid · 23/06/2022 10:27

I would be asking questions. if it was a once off let it go, if it starts to escalate time to rethink...

No. HE should have been asking questions. He had no right to embark on anything in the bedroom without discussion first. None. Some people like different things in the bedroom which is fine, but without respect the whole relationship is worthless.

OP don't get too tied up in what he did, the real issue is that he forced it upon you rather than having an adult conversation first. If he does that in the bedroom he will do it everywhere

lolil · 23/06/2022 10:32

Respect is also a matter of taste. Some people, for example, will be ok for their partner not to say 'please' and 'thank you' sometimes, and others would find it disrespectful. We all have our own set of rules. Asking other people what they would feel/do is irrelevant.

It's been 6 weeks. Respect is vital.

Watchkeys · 23/06/2022 10:37

lolil · 23/06/2022 10:32

Respect is also a matter of taste. Some people, for example, will be ok for their partner not to say 'please' and 'thank you' sometimes, and others would find it disrespectful. We all have our own set of rules. Asking other people what they would feel/do is irrelevant.

It's been 6 weeks. Respect is vital.

Agreed. But what respect consists of varies from person to person. You might find something disrespectful that I'd be fine with, or vice versa.

11Hawkins · 23/06/2022 10:37

Cross dresser for sure.

GreenManalishi · 23/06/2022 10:38

If it creeps you out, there's all the answer you need. Humans do all kinds of weird and wonderful things to feel good behind closed doors, and want to share that with other people sometimes. Maybe it was a spur of the moment thing for a laugh, or maybe it is something he is into and he was testing your reaction.

If you really like him otherwise, just be open and calm and ask him the question, you know the other night when you stuck my knickers and top on? Is that something you're into? If the relationship is going to move forward you're going to need to be able to talk to him about stuff, this is a good place to start!

Hopefully he will find someone who loves the sight of him in knickers, but I've got a feeling that's not you!

lolil · 23/06/2022 10:39

@Watchkeys

You appear to be missing the point.

This man has shown OP no respect. Let's not pretend OP might be ok with it. She isn't. She has posted here asking, so it's clearly not ok.

Watchkeys · 23/06/2022 10:46

lolil · 23/06/2022 10:39

@Watchkeys

You appear to be missing the point.

This man has shown OP no respect. Let's not pretend OP might be ok with it. She isn't. She has posted here asking, so it's clearly not ok.

Respect is subjective. Yes, OP is unhappy and I did say upthread, leave, because he's creeped you out. What he did would be seen as disrespectful by some people, funny by others, sexy by others, and a whole host of other interpretations.

I'm not missing the point, I'm saying that what OP feels is the most important thing, here, rather than what other people think of what he did. Including you. You finding this action of his disrespectful doesn't mean it's disrespectful - that's just one person's opinion.

quietnightmare · 23/06/2022 10:47

Ask him

Triffid1 · 23/06/2022 10:48

Yes it would be something I'm not comfortable with. Never mind anything else, I'd be creeped out by him putting on dirty underwear. Ick.

slowcookerforone · 23/06/2022 10:49

I wouldn't be keen on a guy like that, but that just my taste.

Once, might be a joke - but more than that and so early on? He's definitely trying to tell you something.

6 weeks shagging someone, I wouldn't want them pawing through my clothes/processions and trying them on.
Let alone the other crossdressing transvestite elephant in the room

Original poster
Espressomartinih · 23/06/2022 10:49

Thanks everyone for your thoughts. Yes I feel like it was definitely disrespectful and rude for him to put my underwear on , it's strange as it is so out of character for him as he is usually well mannered, considerate. I didn't mention this but one of the other times, he put my bra on over his top again for a laugh. I do like him, but I think I'm going to ask him if this is something he is into as I don't want it happening again.

OP posts:
lolil · 23/06/2022 10:51

it's strange as it is so out of character for him as he is usually well mannered, considerate.

I suspect what he showed you was his true colours. He bullied you in the bedroom -'I AM wearing these' as opposed to 'how do you feel about me wearing these' - he is telling you who he is. Please listen.