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Original poster

Boyfriend has booked a 2 week solo trip without discussing it with me

91 replies

SilentG1 · 20/06/2022 19:07

Hes booked 2 weeks in Vietnam with one of those 30-40 solo travel groups.
Told me today- he's going in a weeks time. We don't live together but it would have been nice to at least be involved slightly and reassured for the reasons he's going.
Instead I just got a bit blindsided this morning with a text saying "I've booked a 2 week trip to Vietnam and I'm leaving on Sunday"

Our relationship hasn't been the most solid lately and we've been working to get things back on track, which I think is why this makes me feel worse than it should.

I would have loved to have gone with him and can't help feeling like this is a bit of a slap in the face, especially as this will now be using up all his holiday time that we could have spent together.

Am I right feeling a bit put out or should I just be wishing him well and that be it?
Been together over 2 years but had a break in that time (instigated by him)

OP posts:
SouperNoodle · 20/06/2022 19:08

You know he's just gonna keep dipping in and out of your life right?
Tell him to enjoy his trip and then block his number and re-download tinder 💖

layladomino · 20/06/2022 19:10

I understand why you feel blindsinded by this.After 2 years with someone I'd expect to either be invited on the holiday, or for them to have discussed with me why they weren't inviting me (eg I've always planned on going there with xx mate / I want to retreat and completely be alone for 2 weeks). Coupled with things not being too great, it isn't a good sign. It isn't just he holiday is it, it's the fact he'll have used up his leave so effectively he's just unilaterally decided that you won't be holidaying together this year.

youlightupmyday · 20/06/2022 19:12

This is shit. After two years! Fuck that.

I wouldn't want to date a guy like that. Nor should you

hotcoldnotsold · 20/06/2022 19:13

I would move on. Get back out there! I wouldn't even respond to his message or give him any reaction whatsoever.

After 2 years, if he cba to even discuss his plans with you or invite you along, he doesn't see you as as long term. If you're ok with it being casual then it will work. But if you want more, he isn't it. 2 years in you shouldn't have had a rough patch needing a break, and then another one more recently.

BlanketsBanned · 20/06/2022 19:13

Just wish him well, then spend the two weeks pampering yourself and planning your life without him, he has already instigated one break, he really isnt worth any more heartache. If you feel strong enough I would be busy every day and evening this week and not bother discussing it.

totallyoutnumbered · 20/06/2022 19:17

Nope. I'd be sending him packing permanently x

IfIhearmumagaintoday · 20/06/2022 19:24

Huge red flag. Looks like it's the end of the road for you two.

I would tell him the truth that he needs to be on his way.

Clymene · 20/06/2022 19:27

He's breaking up with you without having the guts to tell you. Cowardly wanker.

Aquamarine1029 · 20/06/2022 19:30

He's being crystal clear as to the status you hold in his life, you're not listening. What you think about anything doesn't concern him.

You can do better. Why don't you do yourself a favour and end it right now?

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 20/06/2022 19:32

He's not serious about you, sorry

AyeUpMeDuck · 20/06/2022 19:33

Is this really what you dreamt of when you were younger?

A relationship so shit is worthless.

cushioncovers · 20/06/2022 19:33

Agree with others. Sadly this is the end of the road for your relationship. But instead of having an honest conversation with you he is just distancing himself from you and hoping you'll get the hint.

1Wanda1 · 20/06/2022 19:34

I was in a similar situation once, when my DP of 2.5 years told me he'd exchanged contracts to buy a house on his own, a 2 hour drive from the town we'd been talking about moving in together in. Despite this, he insisted he wasn't trying to end our relationship and was livid when I did the job for him 3 weeks later.

Isaidnoalready · 20/06/2022 19:34

Do you have anything at his house? Remove it immediately

MuddlerInLaw · 20/06/2022 19:35

Clymene · 20/06/2022 19:27

He's breaking up with you without having the guts to tell you. Cowardly wanker.

This.

I’m sorry. Been there - it’s totally horrible.

Don’t allow him back into your life again - because he would think you’re a fool and would have no respect for you at all.

Draw a line.

AllAloneInThisHouse · 20/06/2022 19:36

Is it really that bad?
How long beforehand should he have told?
I really don’t see what the big deal is.

Well, maybe if that was op’s holiday weeks then, yeah maybe then.

017HF · 20/06/2022 19:38

This happened to me twice with an ex, I’m embarrassed to say. I think he went away for a month or so to Brazil, I couldn’t go along because it was too dangerous apparently, he’d already booked it before he told me in any case. Then it was travelling around Asia for 6 weeks, I ended up inviting myself along for 10 days of that because he was away over his birthday and I thought I was being sweet, plus I really wanted a holiday. It was absolutely not enjoyable and the best decision I ever made was to bin him - have honestly never looked back!

MuddlerInLaw · 20/06/2022 19:41

Yes it is really that bad.

Incredibly hurtful thing to do.

Though I’m afraid, OP that, as a pp said, you may not have been listening. Or only hearing what you wanted to hear. The man is leaving the country to separate himself from you. It couldn’t be any clearer.

DontLookBackInAnger1 · 20/06/2022 19:42

Most people who go on trips like that (I've been too) do it because of a big life change. They're getting divorced, they've had a health crisis, they're in the midst of a midlife crisis. Not always obviously but they're definitely linked to "finding yourself".

I suspect he feels like he's at a crossroads with his life and needs a new experience to break the cycle. I suspect this will end your relationship.

But be honest with yourself. It doesn't sound like this relationship is "the One" anyway. You argue, you've already split only 1-2 years into the relationship. Life long relationships aren't like that. Yes you argue, but they should be full of bumps, especially not that early on. And you don't even live together yet.

I think you need to acknowledge that it's not working and wish him well on his travels. Maybe book yourself something special to look forward to. Good luck x

OompaLoompaa · 20/06/2022 19:45

‘Have a good trip’
block

Original poster
SilentG1 · 20/06/2022 19:47

I asked him why he didn't discuss it with me first and he said he had.
About 2 months ago he mentioned when eating dinner that he might do a trip in the summer. Nothing since then has been mentioned. He also said he didn't think I would be able to afford it (debatable) and wouldn't be able to get the time off work (not true) which is why he didn't ask me.

It just feels so water off a ducks back to me "it's only 2 weeks, it's not like I'm going travelling for months"
Hes acting like it's not a big deal at all and it's making me feel like I'm making a mountain out of a molehill when really I feel quite upset and not considered at all.

OP posts:
Original poster
SilentG1 · 20/06/2022 19:51

DontLookBackInAnger1 · 20/06/2022 19:42

Most people who go on trips like that (I've been too) do it because of a big life change. They're getting divorced, they've had a health crisis, they're in the midst of a midlife crisis. Not always obviously but they're definitely linked to "finding yourself".

I suspect he feels like he's at a crossroads with his life and needs a new experience to break the cycle. I suspect this will end your relationship.

But be honest with yourself. It doesn't sound like this relationship is "the One" anyway. You argue, you've already split only 1-2 years into the relationship. Life long relationships aren't like that. Yes you argue, but they should be full of bumps, especially not that early on. And you don't even live together yet.

I think you need to acknowledge that it's not working and wish him well on his travels. Maybe book yourself something special to look forward to. Good luck x

He has a 2 month break between jobs which is why he has booked it now specifically. He said he "won't get the opportunity to do it again"

OP posts:
BlanketsBanned · 20/06/2022 19:54

He didnt invite you because he doesnt want you there, sorry to say that. If he really wanted a holiday qnd rhought you couldnt afford it he could have paid your share or gone somewhere cheaper.

MuddlerInLaw · 20/06/2022 19:54

You’re still not listening, OP …

Your relationship has been rocky. You’ve said he instigated the time out. He wanted to break up then. Somehow you apparently got back together. But he wants out. He has deliberately chosen somewhere he’s sure you can’t follow him. He needs to believe you can’t afford it and can’t get the time off - because he doesn’t want you with him.

MadMadMadamMim · 20/06/2022 19:56

I'd make sure I collected everything I wanted back from his place and then I'd tell him We're not on the same page at all. Booking a solo holiday without the manners to mention it first was pretty much the final straw for me. Best wishes for the future, but I'm done. And I'd block him.

I could not give a shit for his opinion on whether it wasn't a big deal. Or that I was being petty (It is a big deal and you're not). It doesn't matter what he thinks. For you it is something that demonstrates his complete lack of thought for you, indifference to your opinion, indifference to your hurt and should therefore be a dealbreaker.

Get rid of him.

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