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Original poster

Boyfriend has booked a 2 week solo trip without discussing it with me

91 replies

SilentG1 · 20/06/2022 19:07

Hes booked 2 weeks in Vietnam with one of those 30-40 solo travel groups.
Told me today- he's going in a weeks time. We don't live together but it would have been nice to at least be involved slightly and reassured for the reasons he's going.
Instead I just got a bit blindsided this morning with a text saying "I've booked a 2 week trip to Vietnam and I'm leaving on Sunday"

Our relationship hasn't been the most solid lately and we've been working to get things back on track, which I think is why this makes me feel worse than it should.

I would have loved to have gone with him and can't help feeling like this is a bit of a slap in the face, especially as this will now be using up all his holiday time that we could have spent together.

Am I right feeling a bit put out or should I just be wishing him well and that be it?
Been together over 2 years but had a break in that time (instigated by him)

OP posts:
Tiani4 · 20/06/2022 20:36

I'm not of the view it's over as I can see why he might be bored during his 2 months off and want to do something adventurous and exciting

The thing is he wants to do it alone and didn't think to talk to you about his hopes and dreams and excitement whilst planning it. Even before he booked he must have been thinking about options and it's not sharing that bit that's weird.

When I'm in a relationship I'm stubbornly independent having been married before and LP to 3 DCs so I'm inclined to be too independent and resent having to share my every thought or plan. But that's because I'm never looking to move in together or get married again relationship.
It doesn't mean I don't enjoy my partners company but I'm in no hurry to settle into togetherness at this point in my life, whilst I've still teenagers at home.

It sounds like DP and you might be at slightly different emotional places right now.

So I wouldn't say LTB I would say ne honest with yourself about what you want and whether this level of relationship makes you happy or makes you anxious, as that's what is key here

MadKittenWoman · 20/06/2022 20:36

MadMadMadamMim · 20/06/2022 19:56

I'd make sure I collected everything I wanted back from his place and then I'd tell him We're not on the same page at all. Booking a solo holiday without the manners to mention it first was pretty much the final straw for me. Best wishes for the future, but I'm done. And I'd block him.

I could not give a shit for his opinion on whether it wasn't a big deal. Or that I was being petty (It is a big deal and you're not). It doesn't matter what he thinks. For you it is something that demonstrates his complete lack of thought for you, indifference to your opinion, indifference to your hurt and should therefore be a dealbreaker.

Get rid of him.

This. LTB.

Fidgety31 · 20/06/2022 20:40

my Ex did similar to me and it really was because he had no intention of us being together but I was just foolish to admit it .
he wanted and lived the single man lifestyle .

DeedlessIndeed · 20/06/2022 20:47

I did pretty much the same thing back when I was mid 20s and in an unhappy relationship. I booked 3 weeks away to Oz (albeit with about 1months notice).

I can't speak to your partners reasons, but I did it to get space from my BF. We bickered constantly; I was only young but life with him wasn't fun - actually I found it miserable.

I needed space from him partly to think and clearly assess the relationship which he struggled to give me whilst I was in the UK (texting and calling constantly even if I asked for some time). But mainly, and this sounds daft I know, to "trial" being away from him:- trial being independent. I was scared to be alone again and wanted to test the water.

It worked for me - I got back to the UK and ditched him. But then he was a manipulative arsehole and he deserved it.

I think you have to just prepare yourself for whatever he "discovers" about himself or the relationship whilst away. Alternatively if you can't forgive him for booking it - dump him.

(Or I may be barking up the wrong tree completely)

Sally2791 · 20/06/2022 20:52

If he wanted to go with you he would have discussed it. Bin him off.

TeachesOfPeaches · 20/06/2022 20:55

It's over OP, he's just too much of a coward to tell you.

IDidntKnowItWasAParty · 20/06/2022 21:24

This relationship is already over OP, you just don't seem to realise it, and he is too cowardly to tell you. Please simply walk away with your head held high.

BOOTS52PollyPrissyPants · 20/06/2022 21:37

Tell him you have booked a permanent break from him and just move on as he is so inconsiderate and selfish. I would be feeling the same and he is just thinking of himself and that is how he will always be. Only 2 years in he should want to spend time with you and go on exciting trips together but he prefers to go alone. Think is this how you want your life and you deserve better and this is a massive red flag.

hotcoldnotsold · 20/06/2022 21:38

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 20/06/2022 20:17

It sounds like you think he’s your partner and he thinks you’re just ‘seeing each other’. Neither of you are right.

Somewhere along the line, one or both of you have failed to spot that you’re not on the same page. The questions you need to ask are: a) are you happy with casual? B) if not, do you think that could change in the future for him? C) even if you think he might just need more time to catch up to where you are, are you prepared to wait?

This is well said and hits the nail on the head. However, I personally wouldn't be committing 2 years of loyalty and monogamy to someone who cba to plan fun things like travel with me. So you need to decide your bottom line. Why exactly are you with him? What do you want with him? And do his actions reflect what he's committed to you? Then make your decision because his decision shows he doesn't see you as a 'partner'.

TooTiredToSleepRightNow · 20/06/2022 21:42

Best reply.

Tigertigertigertiger · 20/06/2022 21:44

I don’t think it’s a big deal at all.
some people like doing things themselves and he didn’t need your permission

TooTiredToSleepRightNow · 20/06/2022 21:45

OompaLoompaa · 20/06/2022 19:45

‘Have a good trip’
block

i mean this is the best reply, no need for explaining he isn’t worth it.

DailyGrumbleP13 · 20/06/2022 21:48

Text saying I've booked....solo adventure Vietnam

Coward, no real discussion with you !

I've been to Vietnam, it is an interesting place

I agree that you could have had an adventure together, but he didn't invite you

I agree, plan & book your own adventure

You are better off without him

EarthSight · 20/06/2022 22:00

SilentG1 · 20/06/2022 19:07

Hes booked 2 weeks in Vietnam with one of those 30-40 solo travel groups.
Told me today- he's going in a weeks time. We don't live together but it would have been nice to at least be involved slightly and reassured for the reasons he's going.
Instead I just got a bit blindsided this morning with a text saying "I've booked a 2 week trip to Vietnam and I'm leaving on Sunday"

Our relationship hasn't been the most solid lately and we've been working to get things back on track, which I think is why this makes me feel worse than it should.

I would have loved to have gone with him and can't help feeling like this is a bit of a slap in the face, especially as this will now be using up all his holiday time that we could have spent together.

Am I right feeling a bit put out or should I just be wishing him well and that be it?
Been together over 2 years but had a break in that time (instigated by him)

Jesus OP. Given the state of your 'relationship' this come across as him booking himself for a nice break where he's very likely to be surrounded by a high percentage of single women.

I think the fact that he hasn't invited you suggests he sees you as an equivalent of a hanger-on or a mum.

Has he ever acknowledged you as a couple? As in, exclusive? Ever talked about moving in together? Do you live together? Does he refer to you as his girlfriend and have you been introduced to his family and close friends?

littlegreenheart · 20/06/2022 22:01

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 20/06/2022 20:29

Is he really going to Vietnam though? I thought travel there from UK was still limited (from the UK government website). I haven’t researched it properly recently, only a bit as I wanted to go this year.

Vietnam lifted all COVID-19 restrictions for entry and internal travel, including testing and online medical declaration, on 15 May. Not sure what the situation is for insurance though - enhanced requirements may still be in place.

EarthSight · 20/06/2022 22:02

@Tigertigertigertiger Talk about massively missing the point. This isn't about some people like doing things by themselves. He's booking a 2 week trip away, not just a day out or two. Not only is it a trip away without her, he's also booked it as part of a solo travel group when his relationship isn't it a good place.

Catlover1970 · 20/06/2022 22:15

Tigertigertigertiger · 20/06/2022 21:44

I don’t think it’s a big deal at all.
some people like doing things themselves and he didn’t need your permission

I bet you are single

GayParis · 20/06/2022 22:25

Hmm. Will probably get flamed for this but if after 2 years you don't even live together then it seems the level of commitment in this relationship is conducive to him buggering off for 2 weeks without needing to think about it!

Amid · 20/06/2022 22:29

I've recently booked 2 weeks away with a sibling. I didn't run it past my boyfriend (of 4 years). However, we are very close and never argue so we are both very confident in our relationship. I didn't talk about it with him because it was a spare of the moment thing, I knew he wouldn't be able to go (we have a holiday together in September booked) as he's used all his AL up.

Didn't really occur to me to talk to him about it honestly. We don't live together, don't have children together plus I'm 50 and ill do what I like. I've often booked to go away without him and he stays at mine to cat sit !

BeautifulWar · 21/06/2022 05:58

Jesus, what has he done wrong that's so bad? Wants a break in between jobs? It doesn't sound as though you live together, why does he need to give notice before booking or going on a holiday? Why is it about you at all?

Thisisworsethananticpated · 21/06/2022 06:35

This is shit. After two years! Fuck that.

im afraid I agree

time to maybe gird loins

use the two weeks for YOU
and yes maybe re download tinder

pbj · 21/06/2022 06:50

GayParis · 20/06/2022 22:25

Hmm. Will probably get flamed for this but if after 2 years you don't even live together then it seems the level of commitment in this relationship is conducive to him buggering off for 2 weeks without needing to think about it!

Living together is no indication of commitment to one another, many couples do it simply because it’s cheaper and not for any romantic reason. You can be committed to someone without having to live together.

I agree with @BlanketsBanned sensible advice.

dangerrabbit · 21/06/2022 06:59

Sounds like he's booked himself onto a singles holiday. Dump.

SomePosters · 21/06/2022 07:03

Catlover1970 · 20/06/2022 22:15

I bet you are single

Show quote history

What a bitchy response!

Many people prefer not to have their lives entirely consumed by their partners once they aren’t a teen anymore!

If everyone communicated honestly you can have very healthy relationships.

I’ve been seeing my partner for 4 years, they would not be getting in a tizz if I booked a holiday without telling them because I’ve communicated clearly from the start that’s exactly the sort of behaviour they can expect from me and that any attempts to restrict or impede me living my best life will end the relationship.

Problem is mono people think they don’t have to be explicit in defining their relationship terms. They just fall into it and then post ‘funny’ threads about how they never technically agreed to be in a relationship but they do have three kids together, ho ho hilarious.

Be clear about what you are looking for, early on, so you can separate with minimal hurt if you’re not compatible

ivykaty44 · 21/06/2022 07:06

About 2 months ago he mentioned when eating dinner that he might do a trip in the summer. Nothing since then has been mentioned. He also said he didn't think I would be able to afford it (debatable) and wouldn't be able to get the time off work (not true) which is why he didn't ask me.

all the above are excuses he’s using now that you’re questioning his actions, the actions of someone behaving like a single bloke

he doesn’t need to discuss his plans with you, he is free to do as he chooses, but that’s not what he’s doing

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