My mother sadly passed away from cancer at the age of 48 five years ago. My Dad (who was then 45) and us kids (there are 5 of us) were devestated. However we are all pretty young, I'm the eldest and have 2 kids of my own now and my youngest sister who was 16 when my mum died is now left home and at university.
Dad was greiving and pretty focused on us for the first couple of years after mum died and never dated as far as any of us know. I knew Dad was lonely and so at the start of 2020 I started suggesting Dad get himself on the dating apps and meet some people but he shyed away from that and then covid hit anyway. Then during the summer of 2020 Dad started seeing a woman he met when he was out dog walking, they kept bumping into each other and chatting initially Dad thought she was way too young for him but when he found out she was 42 ( he was 48 then) he asked her out and they have been together ever since. She is widowed herself and she's a really lovely person.
There have been some issues with some of my siblings, she does look very young for her age, I thought she was not far off my age (28) when I first met her and the one thing we all asked dad to do was not to go chasing someone our age, which he hasn't but the perception is the same and sometimes for some of my siblings thats uncomfortable. There is also the issue that Dad is really, really happy and loved up with her. Now I know that they are still in the new phase of the relationship but I do think that on some fundamental level they are better suited than he and my mum were and that hurts to see sometimes.
Dad was 3 years younger when he met our mum. He fancied her like mad and pursued her even though she had a boyfriend for months eventually after she broke up with the other guy she went out with my Dad and I think my Mum must have fallen pregnant with me about 2 weeks later. They got married and had another 4 children together. I've wondered many times if Mum and Dad would have been together if they hadn't had me and to be honest I don't think they would have. Dad was just a boy really when they got together and Mum was pretty and a lovely person but her main focus was always just on her kids and I think Dad often felt lonely and lacked connection in the marriage. They cared for each other and they had this shared project in the 5 of us but outside that they had pretty seperate lives. With his girlfriend that is something and someone just for him.
Now Dad wants to remarry in the next year or so to her and that is causing some conflict with my siblings even though we all agree that she's really nice and has given Dad a new lease of life. Dad has money due to a very successful early career and he could have ended up with someone really awful just after his cash but this woman who never had her own family due to her late husbands poor health has her own career and money. I do understand how they feel and sometimes it is difficult to see him so loved up or to have my kids form a bond with her and love her when it should have been my mum but those feelings do pass quickly and I know the are about my grief then anything she has done and you know she's done things she didn't need to helped with childcare when she didn't need to .
There is also the issue of Dads money when they do get married, he's worth a lot and some siblings have complained that if they marry she could inherit the lot as he is older than her. Dad's girlfriend has suggested that Dad sees a lawyer to sort out how his kids will inherit prior to them marrying to allay any fears that she is trying to grab his money. I personally don't think that is the case, I expect my Dad will probably still keep her to some extent especially as he is now semi retired and wants someone to spend time with and travel with.
I think the real reason for the intermittent animosity towards her from some of my siblings is more that they are still struggling with losing Mum and it feels like this woman is trying to take her place and in some respects overtaking her place in Dads affections. I ultimately want Dad to be happy he's only 50 and could have decades of life left I hope so why shouldn't he have someone?
I'm not sure what my question is really, just wondering if this is a familer situation to anyone and how to smooth things over?