In laws stated nappy changing was a “pink job”.

[Mullingover]

I was having a laugh with my other half who thinks he’s going to get out of nappy changing..lol he won’t.

The joke was continued today on a trip to his parents and they said well nappy changing is a pink job. They are only early 50’s and I’m late 30’s so wouldn’t have thought they’d be so old fashioned.

They always tend to make me feel like I’m some how pushing there son. I don’t see it as a pink job. We are about to live together, I have almost paid my own house, him probably 50% of his. I would like to return to work part time….who is going to change the nappy then! I’m not someone going into this needing him to “take care of me financially” so he has to work and I will stay at home kind of roll.

I keep getting really weird vibes off of them. There other daughter in law is extremely opposite to me me, her kids are everything, she refused to work after finding out was pregnant and that was 8 years ago. She is a brilliant house wife, all the dinners cooked etc and husband doted on…..that really isn’t me and I don’t think they like me because I believe this is a shared roll.

I have no idea what a 'pink job' is. Does it mean that only women should do it?
I'm in my 50s and find this attitude utterly ridiculous.

There is no such thing as a pink job ffs.

This.

Go non contact now! Wtf is a pink job?

Yeah pink jobs.

We're not making that a thing.
Stupid

Most people use their hands to change a baby's nappy.
Using one's genitals is frowned upon

I know I thought pink and blue jobs that’s so ridiculously old fashioned. I feel so odd in there presence like I’m not motherly enough but then I’m not his mum

Just carry on, ignoring them. As long as your OH is on your side and won't be influenced be his parents you can let them listen to their own stupid remarks getting no traction and they'll soon shut up. When they see their son taking responsibility for his child they'll be quietly impressed. I say this from experience.

My PIL think that women aren’t capable of certain professions and shouldn’t hold certain positions. I’ll correct them, or argue, when I hear it and rant to my DH who thankfully doesn’t share their views. But I can’t change them.

I'm the same age as your partner's parents (not in laws if you aren't married) and I don't think that way, far from it.

However my 1st husband's parents - particularly his mother - did. I remember his mother noticing the hem of his jeans was down once, and made some crack about me not sewing it up. I just replied that he had two hands and knew where a needle and thread was...

Pissed me right off though, and I still feel annoyed when I think of it...and that was over 30 years ago! Ignore them...it's not like it's something they have any say over, anyway.

Are you already pregnant? Are you sure you're on the same page as your partner wrt parenting?

Are you already pregnant?

I'd seriously rethink this if not. See how living together goes.

My in-laws are like this. Literally turn their nose up of they see dirt in the house and blame me, never DH. I don't iron and they think it's me 'being cruel' to DH 🤣

I'm the same sort of age as your in laws. When I look back at my parents and grandparents, yes work was generally divided in to what women did and what men did.

My generation has blurred it (rightly so) and your generation is making it clearer.

I absolutely think you're right to be miffed, but you also need to accept it's not always been the norm.

My MIL a bit like this. Worked part time and was a stay at home mum. Anything baby or domestic she waits to discuss with me even though my husband takes Fridays off to have the kids, so technically I do more hours and am the bread winner.
Anything low in our cupboards she’ll tell me, anything she’s noticed about the baby she’ll tell me. Despite the fact she visits on Fridays and her own son has been with her all day. If I’m working from home I sort out my lunch and she’s like ‘oh where is baby’s xyz.” I have cracked before and said “Dh is well aware of where they are.”
It’s so annoying.
I have to ignore a lot of her silly ways, this is just another thing I ignore to keep the peace.

Ignore them OP, and make sure your DP knows that's not how things are going to be!

Well obviously its a parenting job, mum or dad can and should do that

What I dont understand is why you seem to need to have this view that they 'make' you feel x or y, no one 'makes' anyone feel anything. So what if thats their view, some couples do divide out the jobs but whats relevant is what you and your partner decide and how you choose to live.

Who cares what they think.

Your boyfriends parents sound very strange with an odd view of childcare. Pink job? I've only ever heard nappy changing referred to as an amber alert or code brown 😉

Yes I am pregnant, 20 weeks now. He isn’t being serious we are having jokes. He is a really great person very hands on with it all so far. I have always felt this vibe off them with everything I’ve ever said. We and them seem to be very different. He was a massive mummy’s boy till he met me a few years back and I think I gave him the confidence to believe in himself really as I don’t do all the mummy’s boys nonsense. I think I’ve said in the past why do you need to run everything past your mum when you in your 30’s. He has stopped quite a bit and taken control of his stuff. I don’t think they are really keen on me even though I’m quite a nice person I think.

You’ll notice more and more people and places have this view when you have a baby. People will congratulate your partner for changing a nappy, even if you’ve changed all the other ones that day and yourself and the baby after a poonami. The worst place I’ve come across for thinking this is a woman’s job is the national trust, DH couldn’t change the nappy because the baby change was in the women’s toilets. They aren’t the only perpetrators but I did expect more from the National Trust.

They seem to have a comment about everything. Eg him coming to my scan. He said hes leaving work early, his mum said doesn’t matter if she goes on her own does it. Well yes it did as I miscarried before this baby and I was a bit scared to go to the 12 weeks scan on my own. Or when I mentioned we finding out the sex at 20 weeks. She said why would you go and do that. I said because we want to and she turns to him and said do you want this also.

My father is ninety.

NINETY.

When he set up home with his new wife in NINETEEN-FIFTY-EIGHT he shared the housework tasks.

When he became a father in NINETEEN-SIXTY-TWO he changed nappies.

(He's off with the fairies now, but his children and grandchildren love him very much)

It's a really good idea to have conversations about expectations of the roles both of you will have before the baby comes.

I read far too many posts on here from women full of resentment because their husbands or partners seem to think that they can do what they want, when they want with zero consideration for the families they now have.

My FIL stated "that sounds like a mother's job" when dc nappy needed changing. I just said "it's a parent's job" and DP went off to do it.

He also once asked me "don't you own an iron?" when he thought DC's clothes were too creased, when she was 1. I told him life is too short to iron baby clothes.

I wish I had said- while there is a book on the face of the earth that I haven't read, I won't be ironing baby clothes.

The worst place I’ve come across for thinking this is a woman’s job is the national trust, DH couldn’t change the nappy because the baby change was in the women’s toilets.

Oh I've heard so many fathers rant about this since having my DD.

Some deliberately will go and use the baby change in the women's as it in a toilet that is empty. Others will use the floor.

If they are with the mother and told to go get her to change their baby they lose it.

My own DP ended up in a conversation with a hotel manager who had ensured that the men's toilets also had baby changing facilities because the manager had had a child in the last couple of years.