In laws stated nappy changing was a “pink job”.

[Mullingover]

I was having a laugh with my other half who thinks he’s going to get out of nappy changing..lol he won’t.

The joke was continued today on a trip to his parents and they said well nappy changing is a pink job. They are only early 50’s and I’m late 30’s so wouldn’t have thought they’d be so old fashioned.

They always tend to make me feel like I’m some how pushing there son. I don’t see it as a pink job. We are about to live together, I have almost paid my own house, him probably 50% of his. I would like to return to work part time….who is going to change the nappy then! I’m not someone going into this needing him to “take care of me financially” so he has to work and I will stay at home kind of roll.

I keep getting really weird vibes off of them. There other daughter in law is extremely opposite to me me, her kids are everything, she refused to work after finding out was pregnant and that was 8 years ago. She is a brilliant house wife, all the dinners cooked etc and husband doted on…..that really isn’t me and I don’t think they like me because I believe this is a shared roll.

no serious relationships before me, what do they want him to do be on his own forever

OP, I know you love him, but I think you've overlooked some important things here because of that. Have you not wondered why he didn't have a serious relationship before you? Have you not considered that the answer to the above question might actually be 'yes', and that's part of the reason why no one serious has been on the cards until now?

@gingersplodgecat It's stuff like that that leads girls to think they're actually boys, just for liking the outdoors.

@bellac11 There are always circumstances where that is the case but in reality the 'he makes me feel x or y' is a huge cop out for not taking responsiblity and owning one's feelings and emotions (usually a lack of confidence

'Owning one's feeling and emotions' - I'm sure every abuser has tried that one - 'Look, it's not MY fault that you're actually upset....mmmkk?? You see, you just need to own your emotions a bit more and not let my comments get to you'. People are entitled to be upset and angry. It doesn't mean they're inferior or can't handle themselves. It's often a perfectly natural and understandable reaction.

Although I can see a degree of trying not to let things get to you or 'owning your emotions' is reasonable, it's also a way for nasty, fucked up people to push the responsibility of their own behaviour onto others and not be accountable for the consequences. People should not silence themselves for fear of hurting others when it comes to saying important things, but I've heard this 'owning your emotions' nonsense used before to escape the responsibility of behaving decently towards others. It's frequently used to dismiss other people's inconvenient emotions.

@Spohn it was really a passing comment whilst we popped over quick to drop off something. He said about the scan and that he is leaving work early as he really didn’t want to miss it as finding out the gender. She said well she is fine to go on her own. He said he will make sure he gets there. Then went onto the rest about why etc. She did the same on the 12 week when I really wanted him to come as I miscarried to this previous and wanted him there. Obviously he also really wanted to come. I do feel like not really going over now.

My granddad is 93. When his kids were little - in the 1950s! - he changed careers so he could be home during lunchtime to help my grandmother with making them lunch. He changed plenty of nappies, did laundry, cleaning, cooking, baking. He's got dementia now bless him but he's the loveliest man I know.

Pink jobs FFS. They're not old fashioned, they're ridiculous.

There isn’t even a generational excuse. They are basically my age, very Late 40s. My child is only 13 not 33 so very different life stages, but we still got the same relatively egalitarian start.

I think it’s me, I get the impression from these posts. I remember when my fence blew down, instead of offering support or a helpful phone number his dad said why don’t you get out there yourself and fix it. If they were sexist surely that would be a “blue job”.

I think the best thing you can do is ignore their old fashioned and bitter ways.

From all you've said they have no reason to dislike you. A 6 year age gap is nothing. I don't know why a poster has picked up on that being a bad thing. It's perfectly normal.

Enjoy your relationship and enjoy your little family. Every time your ILs say something unkind or judgemental they just show their true colours. Thankfully your DP has seen it and doesn't agree with them. You don't have to listen to them or to let them affect your lives.

Is it like a blow job? 🤣

I’m 55 and think this is utter bollocks. It’s role though not roll!

I am 57 and will become a grandmother later this year. I will have something to say if my DS does not step up and take his turn with nappies/nightfeeds/walking around to get baby to sleep etc.

It is such a shame when ILS can't be nicer to their child's choice of partner. They will be the ones missing out. Take care of your own little family and ignore their stupid comments or give an eye roll towardsDP.

What rubbish- the only blue job round her is bins - the rest is shred fairly.

You realise you don’t have to see them, right? I just would, your dp can go alone, why should you be subject to their nonsense?

I know you and your dp get along really well, but protect yourself when he moves in, he has no claim on your house and needs to pay his way.

@Cherrysoup the aim is to rent out his place which will be enough to cover both mortgages with a little extra. I loose some of my financial support when he moves in so he will need to help cover that which he has already said he will do. It’s a little different going into things when you already own property etc to when you starting out. Money is a mood killer but needs to be addressed.

He shouldn't be covering your loss of benefits rather you should both be benefiting from the arrangements practically and financially.

Yet again, a man is expected to cover the gap in benefits from you having a child when moving in. Yet you day he pays nothing towards them!

I.imagine the inlaws are fully aware of all the impending doom, yet you day that you are better off! Obviously not.

@Mullingover

I'm sorry you've had such a hard time in the past and also getting such a hard time from some on here. I am really keeping my fingers crossed fingers for the next scan with your lovely sounding partner and hope all goes well.

Your DP and you sound sensible to work out the finances clearly between you and also how you will both be mutually supportive to each other once he moves in. Don't be afraid to protect your financial situation legally and he should do the same.

I do think he needs to be more assertive with his parents- you are not being treated in a loving way by them currently and this may get worse once the baby's born. Is this something the two of you have discussed? Open communication and mutual respect is important if all is to go well in the life you are building together. Best wishes to you both. 🌹

Which part of he hasn’t moved in yet @MamanDeChoix do you not seem to understand. It is right he helps out financially once he moves in, we made the baby together and he is a decent man. It has long been discussed how it could work. I loose a lot only getting statutory maternity pay and oh look again a women is having to take off nine months and suffer a drop in pay that he will need to support through and is absolutely on board because he is a decent man. If he didn’t move in and no baby then I could absolutely and do pay for my own house, child, car etc etc.