Boyfriend pressuring me to move in....

[beetgeet]

We have been together a year in a few days.
He rents a flat and I rent my flat.
He spends a lot of time here and says it's a waste of money.
He caused a massive argument because I said I wanted to wait till the end of the year to move in.
He said he doesn't see the point in this relationship unless he moves in now and we must clearly want different things.
I do love him,I just don't want to move in together yet.
He keeps banging on about money and how much we would save.
I don't know what to do

Based on that like HELL would I agree. Plus once he’s living with you you’re going to have a nightmare getting him gone. And I promise you you will want him gone.

Based on your update no, I wouldn't allow him to move in.
Why are you allowing him to treat you/your home like this?
If he is at yours a lot he should be pulling his weight and contributing. You are not his mammy and he is not a child.
Start going around to his place rather than him coming to yours. See what his reaction is? Let him cook and clean up after you. You sit and do nothing. See how that goes.

Absolutely not.

As may PP have said, you should only do what you want to do and are comfortable with. Perhaps he is indelicate, it is true that sharing expenses saves money and I have been guilty in the past of leading with this sort of information.

HOWEVER, it does not sound as though he's just a bit clueless in communication. It sounds very much like he sees you as a ticket to cheaper living and never having to do chores again.

The fact that he comes to your house, makes a mess and doesn't do washing up or help out is a massive no from me. The fact that he "gets away" with it now means that he will absolutely be a slob to live with. You'll find yourself subsidising someone who expects you to pick up their dirty laundry and do their cooking. Sod that.

At the minute he doesn't contribute at all He doesn't do any washing up /tidying up/cooking etc at mine. I have to do everything even tho he makes a mess

Why on earth do you think this is acceptable and someone you want to move in with?

Don't you think that an adult man who makes a mess and expects the women in his life to clean up after him is at best sexist and at worst misogynist?

He literally thinks that cooking and cleaning are beneath him but are your job.

What does that say about whether he sees you as an equal or not?

What does that say about whether he sees women in general as an equal or not?

What does it say about how he views responsibility as an adult contributing to a joint home?

At the minute he doesn't contribute at all He doesn't do any washing up /tidying up/cooking etc at mine. I have to do everything even tho he makes a mess.

He clearly thinks you’re incredibly stupid, to have allowed him to behave like this so far. Are you not furious? I don’t see the appeal in serving some bloke.

Here we go, another guy being an entitled little fucker. You need to stop making his little easy life nice and comfortable when he comes to yours. If he makes a mess he tidies it up. If you cook food he contributes. Come on mate grow some fanny baws and tell him to bolt.

and he wants to live with you?! god no. big red flag.

he needs to contribute even to take aways or food or actually pull his weight - hes showing you what it is going to be like

DONT DO IT!!!!

Cocklodger in waiting!

I'd be running for the hills!

If he's at yours mostly now does he contribute anything to the groceries, energy, water he uses?

Has he said how much he would be paying if he did move in? Does he pull his weight with chores?

I'm also wondering if he's pushing for this to happen before the October price rises headed our way.

Saying no to a man is generally a very good way to tell if he's a wanker.

Yep!

At the minute he doesn't contribute at all
He doesn't do any washing up /tidying up/cooking etc at mine
I have to do everything even tho he makes a mess

Ffs throw him back in the sea op he's a lazy loser

First year and he's being his best self which isn't exactly that great?

Pretty damn poor actually

Op if children are possibly in your future too he would make a poor father/partner on that score too

WHY do you love him? He seems a selfish wanker!

No one falls in love quicker than a man who needs a place to live. Yep!

How old are you both ?

If he won't do it as a 'guest' he absolutely won't do it when you're together.

Do not do it.

In fact, there's not much loveable about him so I'd send this one back

It sounds to me like he sees your flat as a free/cheap meal ticket. Once hes there........ if you split up, it will be much harder. Id stay as you are for now as that is clearly what you want to do.

You literally have no idea if that’s the case, unless you can find the exact reverse of this thread with the same posters giving the opposite advice?

Not everything has to be “if this was reversed/poor men”

Absolutely not.

You have a lazy waster who is probably a bully too.

Moving him in will make your life miserable.

Dump him.

He has given you a taste of just how ugly he is.

Dump.

Wouldn't be surprised if he turns nasty when you dump him.

My friends bf pushed and pushed to move and buy a place together after 6 months and we couldnt understand the urgency. The urgency was his girlfriend was getting rid. She is now stuck in a sexless marriage with a long term unemployed DH.

There is always a reason why someone pushes you to live together. It has got to be what you both want.