Married 20 years. 4DC, aged 13-7.
Just discovered that DH has racked up £20K of debt, and not been paying it. I have been working super hard the last two years, retraining, and so he has been dealing with all of the banking.
Sadly it's not the first time he has been financially irresponsible. It happened when we first got married. Then again, 7 years later when he asked to take responsibility for finances again.
I had all financial responsibility until two years ago, and I stupidly believed that with two decent salaries going in, and the fact that he is 47 and more mature, it would be ok? I know, I know, I know...
He just keeps saying that he is sorry, and crying, he got lost. That he loves me. He won't discuss it, hasn't kept paperwork or even records of everything. He didn't even know how much he owed exactly. I have had to sit down, make phone calls and piece everything together myself.
I have paid off all but £2K with my personal savings.
Now, I am 45, with absolutely nothing left to my name and 4DC to think about.
I am genuinely considering asking him for a divorce. I do not want to be legally vulnerable. I do not want anyone else to have the ability to do something in my name. How many times do I give him a chance?
The only thing keeping me from asking him to leave is that he is a wonderful hands-on father and the children will be broken hearted.
We really do have a happy family life normally.
I don't know whether this anger will pass, or if the marriage is over, or if I should ask him for a quiet divorce and continue cohabiting for the sake of our children and see where our relationship goes, until they have all left home?
My head's a mess.
Thoughts?