They always come back when the grass isn’t greener…..

[ImRunningUpThatHill]

Really struggling at the minute. Husband left me, not sure if he had a mid-life crisis/got a bit pissed off with family life / had his head turned - who knows??
Just as I was getting used to the idea, he’s back declaring his undying love. He can’t live without me. Why can’t we just give it one more go etc etc.
Part of me believes him and feels sorry for the fucker. The other part thinks ‘well you made your bed’
Any similar stories? Did you tell them where to go or give another chance - did it work or not??

He's back because it didn't work out with OW...
You continue building your life and family without him.
The thread title is what you need to remember.
Good luck OP, be strong, you are worth so much more.

He's back because his girlfriend dumped him, and he may as well try to go back to his easy life. Don't fall for this shit. Undying love my arse. He wants what's easiest for himself.

So did he at any point once he made his decision give you a second thought? Up until he found he had no one to wash his socks?

Or was it not so much fun when normal life, bins, filling the car, shopping for cushions kicked in?

You need to turn off the feeling sorry for him right now.

You could never trust him again. Ever.

My my ex husband, although I secretly wish he would just so I could reject him for walking out on 19 years!

A had a relationship after which was on/off every-time I'd try and give him a chance, he'd let me down again, it never worked, I think when it's over, it is for good reason.
Some of it is trying to hold onto what is familiar rather than facing up to a life without them, which is what your ex is experiencing. It's good that you've managed to get used to the idea without him.

However it's up to you, you do what feels right for you, don't go back out of feeling sorry for him.

it would depend if he had an affair/left for another woman or not. If he did, no way would I take him back.

If it was a genuine mid life wobble, maybe I'd consider it - maybe. A lot would depend on the relationship before, whether he had actually sorted himself out while gone, and how I felt when apart - if I was happy without him I wouldn't even consider it.

I agree they always do. Block the bastard. (BLB).

He's either back because it didn't work out with another woman or because he wanted to be carefree and a bachelor like when he was young and then realised that women weren't throwing themselves at him, his clothes wouldn't wash themselves and actually its nice having someone to share the cooking/cleaning (or more often than not doing it all)

Essentially he has realised you make his life easier, better and smoother, he doesn't like being by himself and its not that easy to get someone else.

Now the question is: does he make your life easier, better and smoother? Do you like being by yourself?

Do you trust him?

Even if he didn't go off with another woman he promised you forever but it turned out it was only until he got bored. Do you want someone back who may wander off again if they suddenly think life is more fun without you?

Whatever you decide needs to be because it's what you want, not out of feeling sorry for him, not because it would be 'easier', not because of nostalgia about your past together but what you actually want for your life now.

Did he actually leave for someone else? If he just left with no one else involved (unlikely i know), I might consider it if it suited me, as I wouldn't cut my nose off to spite my face.

My gut told me OW as soon as he walked out. None surfaced and I did plenty of digging. My feelings have changed so much, I was devastated when he left, but as soon as I got stronger and started enjoying life he wants to be back.
He’s been trying for months now. Sometimes I think ‘oh he must really love me to keep trying so hard’ other times I think ‘fuck off, you’d have never risked me if you loved me that much’.
I like going to bed at 9pm, watching love island with a bag of quavers in peace. Ha! It’s strange how the tables turn….

Doubt OP will ever get the truth sadly and that is what eats away at you. Unless he comes clean you can't make a decision.

They sure do.

Why do you think he went and how for how long?

No doubt you didn't want him to go and he was happy to shut the door in your face without a second thought for you.

I think if it was me, I would play him for a while and make him sweat (a bit like dating again). Take your time and see how you honestly feel. Don't sleep with him though.

More likely she didn't leave her bloke. as planned or some other crap.

Tell him to fuck off.

Some of them are struggling with the idea that you can be happy and doing well Wo them…..

Yep, every single one of mine have returned.
I have one that’s been trying for 6+ years..
Go with your gut..normally people don’t change..

Do they always leave for an OW do you think??
I know I sound naive here but I don’t think he has. It would be easier if he did!

It depends why he left. If there is there tiniest thought in your mind that there was someone else involved, don't even bother. You can't trust him.

If he was having some kind of mid-life crisis or something else happened, then maybe. Sometimes people need a bit of a wake-up call to realise what they have.

But then again, it could also be because he saw how well you were doing, and how you're actually doing just fine without him, so he wants you again. Ex's often return when they see you thriving without them.

Also, you don't mention how long ago this took place? If it took you a while to get to good place by yourself, ask yourself whether you could risk being put through that again. Could you go through that recovery period a second time?

You sound like you're doing well at the moment and you're in a good headspace. Don't let him mess with that unless you truly think he is worth it.

None of us here know the ins and outs of your relationship with him but I would say tread with caution. If you want to let him back in, do it slowly.

So the grass wasn't greener? He needs to learn that what he left behind is now scorched earth!

Very rare for people to leave when they dont have someone else to go to, or at least think they have someone.

I imagine she didn't leave her DP like he thought she would.

But I guarantee there will have been an OW or at least the notion of one. Then he realised how hard it is for single guys out there.

They never leave for an empty bed. Even my divorce solicitor said to me that she'd never known a man leave his wife/family without already having an OW or one waiting on the wings.

Urgh 🤮.
Don't take him back op he's back for a reason and none of it will be for your benefit at all.

"You made your bed. Fuck off and lie in it"

For me it wouldn't even matter if there was no OW. He threw you out like trash because he thought he would have a better life without you. That's not love, that's not a partner, he doesn't have your back. Who gives a fuck if he changes his mind? Take him back so he can do it again at any time? Nah! This one's broken, throw HIM in the bin.