They always come back when the grass isn’t greener…..

[ImRunningUpThatHill]

Really struggling at the minute. Husband left me, not sure if he had a mid-life crisis/got a bit pissed off with family life / had his head turned - who knows??
Just as I was getting used to the idea, he’s back declaring his undying love. He can’t live without me. Why can’t we just give it one more go etc etc.
Part of me believes him and feels sorry for the fucker. The other part thinks ‘well you made your bed’
Any similar stories? Did you tell them where to go or give another chance - did it work or not??

Tell him you can only consider this if he confesses all about the OW. If he tells you no OW, tell him bye bye and your choice is divorce. He might confess then, he still might not - if he confesses all, you have the info, if he confesses nothing Then you know he’s full of shit. What exact kind of shit, who knows. But it’s not shit that you want.

He’s back because he hasn’t a better offer and sees you as the easy option. You’ll wash his clothes, have sex with him, make his dinner, and he won’t even have to pay child maintenance.

Sounds like you went through the hardest part- don’t undo all your good work.

No explanation as to why he left?

And now he’s decided he wants to come back? For now.

Nope. Send him

*Send him on his way.

As sad as it is, yes, another women is usually waiting in the wings. Pitiful really.

You can't just opt in or out of a relationship when it suits your feelings and emotions.
He is totally disregarding the turbulent feelings he left you with after his declaration of the single life if he thinks he can walk back in and pick up where he left off.
For me it would be a deal breaker.....

Yup... Husband left when our baby was 6 months old because I didn't "give him any attention" wasn't getting laid as often as he liked.
Managed less than 24 hours before he called to say he was wrong, he wanted to make it work bla bla bla. I laughed... And it felt good.

Don't do it, it will never work the trust has gone. Whatever his plan was hasn't worked so he's back with his tail between his legs.

I’m going through pretty much the exact same thing, although mine is slightly more complicated.

I too, also love going to bed early, being able to do what I want when I want. Mine wanted to come back when he saw that I had filled the space where one of his tractors used to live with a very handsome new horse 😂 think that was when the penny dropped that I’d stopped sobbing and started living…they really don’t like to see you doing well!

Surely if you need time to think you take a holiday/break at relatives alone for a few weeks - you don't break up unless there is a need to (OW in some shape or form)
What is a mid life crisis anyway? A realization that you're not able to pull random young women? I don't think women get a free pass for being peri menopause and deciding they are going to shag the Deliveroo guy

All you need to keep in the front of your mind is that he wants to come back for him, not because he genuinely loves you. If he truly loved you he never would have left.

What? No - don’t take him back, why the fuck would you.

Be the heroine of your own life, not his sloppy leftovers

Sounds exactly like my exh OP. Left as he was unhappy, came completely out of the blue. I found out a few weeks later that he’d been having an affair and had actually left to be with her. I filed for divorce.

one month after the decree absolute, he’s on my doorstep in tears, it was a mistake, it’s me he wanted, he loves me blah blah blah. Basically the OW had dumped him.

Needless to say I said no thanks and got on with my life. You hear this story so often.

I’m honestly at the stage where I would clap my hands if there had been another woman and my gut instinct was correct.
no sign though. He’s either played it really well or he is a one off that’s left for other reasons.
The mental torture of the ifs and why’s is worse than OW.

@ZaraSizeMedium i can actually sing to ‘ a little time’ full blast whilst cleaning now. Surely that’s massive progress, right?

Maybe it was OM? It's not always OW 🤷🏼‍♀️

He'll have a burner phone well hidden somewhere, probably at work or in his spare tyre in the car.

No they don’t always leave for another woman. My husband didn’t.

it’s irrelevant though - as you say you’re happier. As was I and continue to be. Live your best life!

What is a mid life crisis anyway? A realization that you're not able to pull random young women? I don't think women get a free pass for being peri menopause and deciding they are going to shag the Deliveroo guy

This^

Women don't get a mid life crisis and a free pass to spend money on themselves and act like shit and fuck the consequences. How come it's considered to be a male thing ? What's that about ?

Midlife crisis my arse. It should be called abject selfishness because that's what it is. I don't really like the phrase midlife crisis. It seems to normalise it and make it ok somehow.

Why can’t we just give it one more go etc etc.

My response would be to tell him to stop whining. His arrogance is astounding btw.

Part of me believes him and feels sorry for the fucker. The other part thinks ‘well you made your bed’

He fucked off out of it without a second glance or a second thought for you. How about you reflect his selfishness by being as self serving of your own needs i.e. nope, no can do. All I want to discuss with you are the details of our divorce since you ended our marriage.

Sounds like you've moved on and are content with how things are now. Think seriously before changing and disrupting that.

Demand an explanation OP. Explain before you can make any decisions on your marriage he has to come clean.

I agree. They don’t always leave for OW.

My BF STBEXDH, left because all he wanted to do was his hobby every weekend and not be tied down parenting the 3DC (one has SEN) or spending time with my friend.

In fact he left her three times (in a space of five years). Each time he’d come crawling back, saying he missed her and the DC so she would relent and give it another go. They would be fine for a while but then he’d revert back to how he behaved before and leave because she wouldn’t agree to being solely responsible for parenting their DC, chores etc.

He has now left again and this time she’s said that that is it. She needs to put herself first as he has hurt her so much.

I suspect he’ll come crawling back, when he’s tired of washing his pants, cooking his own meals, being solely responsible for his DC when he has them etc.

My ex did this. Treated my DS and I like shit for 6 months before he left and after and then fully expected to waltz back in. I didnt even get declarations of love or promises. Because of course he wanted the single life but wanted it supported by someone to do all the donkey work.

I was so insulted. Some men really think they are so special ..

Life is so good with no dh living with you, I just felt so free and as you say i love getting kids to bed and pottering about and I feel like I'm young free and single when kids visit him and I get some breathing space too. I wouldnt ever want to go back now, if you are happy now please don't take him back just because you feel sorry for him, boohoo poor him, he absolutely devastated you a few months back remember that!!

That's meant to say me in first sentence!