I am wife number two and I have been with DH for six years. DH and his ex wife were separated when we met and their divorce was finalised almost a year to the day after we first met. He was not innocent in the split but there were faults on both sides and in the end life got in the way and neither focused enough on each other. DH lost his job when the bottom fell out the housing market and so he took a job as an HGV driver to keep a roof over their heads, food on the table and the bills paid. This sadly meant working away a lot and leaving her for days on end with the children.
DH has four children with his ex wife who were 5, 4, 2 and 5 months when they first separated. He saw his children every weekend after they separated. Around 20 months after we met and 22 months after they separated his children told him they didn’t want to see him anymore. He hasn’t seen them since but still pays for them and sends money and cards for birthdays and Christmas.
On our third date I told him one day I wanted to be a mother. I made it clear l wasn’t planning on telling him he was father nine months down the line but equally I was 31 and didn’t want to get to a point in the relationship where we decided on a future together and find we were worlds apart on that point. He said he wasn’t against being a father again.
Fast forward to now and he is working in construction again. He goes from looking at what private school (public school in England) we would send our child to, to talking about fostering or adoption to then saying he doesn’t want children. I think he’s scared of being hurt again but he seems to forget that I have seen the damage to a child when parents split acrimoniously in my mother. Because of this I couldn’t and wouldn’t ever stop him seeing our child even if our relationship failed. Is DH just scared?