Drunken comment has touched a nerve

[breakingthebank]

At a recent night out with our friends, dh had quite a lot to drink and was reminiscing about his youth. He talked about his partying days between the ages of 18-22 as being the "best time of his life" multiple times.

I feel incredibly hurt by this, as we've been together 20 years and have dcs together. His partying days were before he met me so he's basically saying he preferred his life before we met and had children. He has since apologised, saying he didnt mean it like that but I can't move past it. I feel like he obviously always found our relationship boring and second best.

Dh has a history of making nasty comments when he's had a drink but I think I feel particularly hurt by this because it was just said in conversation so I feel like it's how he really feels. Do you think I'm overreacting?

He was just too drunk and being sentimental about his younger days..

Yes, I think you are overreacting

My 20s were definitely the best time of my life

Didn't meet my husband until my 30s

We had great time bit nothing like the freedom, partying, travelling, gigs, just generally being young, free and single

I don't see anything wrong with what he said

Sometimes I long for a club and a bag pills, dancing, laughing, pints and breakfast on a Sunday afternoon

But in reality going to a club is my worst nightmare now

I am more heritage houses and gardens, with an ice cream now

Massively overreacting. He’s just being nostalgic, I often am, doesn’t mean I want to actually go back to staying out all night in a field doing drugs and loving everyone (maybe sometimes…)

Sorry, I think you're overreacting. My 20s were the best time of my life, didn't meet my DF till my 30s. Doesn't mean we don't have great times or I don't love my life now with him. It was just a different time in my life.

You feel 'incredibly hurt' by drunken nostalgia??

You’re overreacting, unless you suspect his unhappy now or there’s anything else going on.

He was drunkenly nostalgic, I mean for the majority of people late teenage years/early twenties are pretty blissful - no big responsibilities, you party a lot, you meet new people, have got lots of free time to explore what you really want to do in life.

I love my husband and my current life but I wouldn’t mind being 19-20 again, just for a day!

So DH's team drew in the FA cup 4 weeks after our wedding. It was the best day of his life......and they didn't even win.

Huge and ridiculous overreaction. The best times of my life were in my early 20's. Young, carefree and not a care in the world. They were fantastic days.

Would I want to go back to them now? Not a hope, I love my family life but i am a different person now. I grew up but I certainly look back at those days with huge sentimentality and nostalgia as being the best years of my life.

Poor fucker was only reminiscing.

My best years were in my 20s too! And before i had my dh and kids
But isnt this true for all of us???haha. Living the carefree life. It was a blast!!

I think you're being unreasonable unless there's more to what he said. My early twenties were the best time of my life (pre-DH and DS)- not because they weren't in my life but because I had barely any responsibility. It's partly just being young and energetic enough to have loads of fun and keep going the next day! My life would be more ploddy now whether I had DH and DS or not.

Sounds like there may be more to this OP if he regularly says nasty things to you, and these nasty comments undermine your confidence.

Another vote for overreacting. The reality is that most of us, once weighed down with responsibility of DC, house, proper grown up jobs, etc, think back longingly of our carefree younger days. We are of course looking with rose tinted glasses and forget we were skint, worried we'd never find someone to settle down with, etc..

If you honestly asked yourself the same question - when were the best days of your life so far? - what would your answer be?

Christ alive. Massive overreaction. Your poor DH.

yabu

Yes massive overreaction. I'm in my early 60s now but often quietly reminisce to myself about the happy times, 70s/80s, young, free from responsibility, nice firm skin, not a wrinkle in sight, and the posivity and joy of just being young.
Doesn't mean I hate my life now, it's just different life 😍

Christ on a bike you sound hard work. Best times of my life were on holiday, doesn't mean I don't love my kids or that I regret having them.

I suspect you are unusual if you don't see that period of your life as the best bit, you've got money, no responsibilities, your body works perfectly, your friends are free all the time and the worlds your oyster. Then real life kicks in and boom! that magical time is gone forever.

I'm quite angry on your husbands behalf, it's not reasonable to wish that every minute of his life before he met you and had kids was a torrent of misery spent longing for the drudgery of domesticated bliss.

Massive over reaction! I did meet DH in my early 20s but would reminisce over when I went back packing alone and had an amazing time. The freedom, the sheer wanderlust, not having to take anyone else's feelings/ wants into consideration. Would I swap that in my 30s for my DH, our soon be born DS and a comfortable life, not a hope!! A full moon party in Thailand or roughing it through Cambodia would not be enjoyable at all to me now but was fantastic and probably was some of the best times of my life in a different way.

Oh God me too, I was happiest, unfettered, uncaring, single, by far the best years of my life, before I got to "settle down"

My late teens and my early 20s were the best time of my life. I don’t think there’s anything behind it unless there’s other things going on in your relationship. You mention he has said nasty things when he’s drunk before. So for HIM there might be more meaning behind it.

Are you projecting? But fed up of the relationship and feel there’s probably something better out there?

I feel so cheated reading this . My childhood was abusive. My teen years more so 18-25 horrifically so. Then I was straight into marriage and kids (and although I love dh and dc) I feel I missed out on fun Amd freedom and happiness.

i felt ugly and to blame and then went through such horrific abuse I was suffering from ptsd. I look back and think why? Why me ? It’s like I lost a huge chunk of my life that I wanted I can’t go back now and get that back and it’s almost a sense of loss

Massive overreaction. Maybe he does prefer that freedom to his life now - parenting is a lot of drudgery isn’t it?

They were just his salad days! it's not a reflection on you or your relationship so I think you are overreacting

He was reminiscing about his teens and early twenties. You sound like hard work OP, sorry.

You say he has a history of making nasty comments, but if they're anything like you've stated, they're not nasty at all. You might just be a bit sensitive to them.