Drunken comment has touched a nerve

[breakingthebank]

At a recent night out with our friends, dh had quite a lot to drink and was reminiscing about his youth. He talked about his partying days between the ages of 18-22 as being the "best time of his life" multiple times.

I feel incredibly hurt by this, as we've been together 20 years and have dcs together. His partying days were before he met me so he's basically saying he preferred his life before we met and had children. He has since apologised, saying he didnt mean it like that but I can't move past it. I feel like he obviously always found our relationship boring and second best.

Dh has a history of making nasty comments when he's had a drink but I think I feel particularly hurt by this because it was just said in conversation so I feel like it's how he really feels. Do you think I'm overreacting?

I’m not vain enough to assume that I’m the best thing that’s ever happened to DH 🤨

“DH has a history of making nasty comments when he’s had a drink.”
That, for me, was the stand out line from your post, OP.
In vino, veritas.
Most chaps don’t suddenly turn nasty when drunk. They may get silly, happy, overly affectionate, impulsive - but not nasty, unless there was a hidden mean streak in there all along.
I think that’s more concerning than him reminiscing over his lost youth, frankly.
How nasty are these remarks? How hurt and undermined do they make you feel? Do you want to spend the rest of your life listening to them?

I get where you're coming from. I'm the happiest I've ever been and I think it's nice for my OH to know that. Your OH may be associating "Happy" with events that can only occur at a certain point in time, I associate "happy" with not striving for things to be different.

I often tell my younger sibling who's approaching what I describe as the best years of my life, to go all out, party as much as you can (sensibly of course) enjoy the lay ins, takeaway In bed, the getting ready with friends, flirting the night away.

Saying that doesn't mean I don't enjoy family life or what came after them years. I'm a mother to 2 who can't imagine life without them, love them more than I could ever imagined.

I can't understand why you're taking it so personal tbh.

I don't think it was a particularly hurtful comment, I think lots of people feel that way and it's a commonly used phrase. It doesn't mean that they'd like to do it now but it's just reminiscing about when you were young and everything seemed so much easier. Everything was still yet to come.

I had my first child at 19 and regularly think back to the tiny slice of freedom I had before I was a parent. They definitely were the best years of my life. Carefree, happy, loads of friends, fun, parties. I'm a mid thirties mum now and some days the longing to go back to the days of lying in the sun with all of my friends, laughing, partying, drinking, taking drugs is VERY strong. It doesn't mean I don't love my husband and kids or my life now. My life is great right now for my age and I'm fairly certain I wouldn't enjoy that stuff now. Youth passes us by so quickly.

But to me that comment wasn’t nasty. The OP is a little over sensitive.

id say the years I spent abroad and my first year at university were the most fun times of my life. My husband wasn’t anywhere near on the scene then. But I’d also say meeting him was the best thing that ever happened to me. I wouldn’t want those crazy fun times back again. But I remember them so fondly. It doesn’t mean that I don’t adore my life with my husband. Even with menopause, elderly parents and credit crunches! Times aren’t so fun..

Jeez, lighten up, no wonder his best days were from before he met you.

But yes, lighten up and don't be such hard work. He's entitled to reminisce about his fun party days.

YABU he was just being sentimental about his uni days.

Good grief.

Funnily enough, I often say this to my dh and he basically makes the same comments as you are on your post, preferring life without him. He will say you obviously preferred your life before you met me etc.
I can tell you now on the other side of the wall, its not that I dont enjoy being with dh and the kids its just then was more freedom . I hardly ever get to see friends now so you do tend to miss "the good old days" especially if youre a nostalgic person which I definitely am. Would you say your dh is nostalgic?

Best days of my life were in my twenties decades before I met my husband. Hats wrong with that?

Best days of my life were being a child before puberty and life got in the way. And I've got two dc who I love dearly but my best carefree days were before them for sure. You are overreacting op.

Don't most parents class prekids as the best times of their lives?? 😂

Honeyroar, I’m not talking about the remark in question. Read the OP. Her DH has a history of nasty remarks when drunk. That’s a pattern, not a one off.
And a wife in an otherwise happy marriage with a nice loving partner wouldn’t feel the need to seek advice on MN. There is more going on here.

Depends what you call a nasty remark. I don't think this is nasty, just probably true, as it would be for lots of us! Perhaps the other comments have sparked an over reaction too?

Yes you are totally over reacting. Of course those younger days of endless partying and little responsibility are meant to be looked back at with nostalgia. Doesn’t everyone do that?

Its going to depend on his tone of voice then, body language etc whether it was said as a dig or with an eye roll insinuating something else etc. And is becoming a pattern of resentful behaviour of his?

Do you not value the life before you met him? Tbh your view here doesnt sound v healthy.

I think context is relevant. He was out drinking, feeling good from it, and remembering, with rose tinted beer goggles, a time when he (thinks he) felt like that all the time. He was also younger and most people prefer that too. Its not as though he said 'my relationship with ex was the best time of my life' so it wasn't a like for like comparison.
Nasty comments when drunk are unacceptable, but is that typical of what you would deem 'nasty'?

He meant the time when everything was easy and he had freedom to be selfish and party and be a young party person. A lot of people remember that with joy and feel it was an exciting part of life - everything was new and exciting and without responsibilities.

I'd let it go. Doesn't mean he wasn't to go back to that.

Me and my partner were discussing this last night and agreed that our late teens were the most fun years of our lives I think a lot of people feel that way .

Ffs

Yes, you are massively overreacting!!!

My other always says his schooldays were the best of his life. I can’t imagine taking offence at this.

Yes, YABU.