Red flag or am I being unfair...

[Pleaseaddcaffine]

Partner of 8mths or so, wants to move in in next 6 mths to a year which is a good timescale. Going well and he's a great man in many respects. He has a job he's held for a very long time and lives alone with his teenager.
We however do very little together not been out for dinner more than once or to the cinema ever. Played pool or been to pubs maybe 8 times and only if I arrange things. Generally he comes over and we have dinner and play baord games or watch a film, fine as I have a young kid.
However, I recently started to push to go out more on child free days and it turns out he cant due to lack of money and we only do stuff if I pay for us both.
I was suprised as he earns well and has same disposible income as me each month after bills. Turns out he gets through almost 600 quid in 10 days leaving him with under 60 quid till payday for the next two weeks. He often borrows from mates at end of the month. He says its just on food and snacks. He dosnt run a car.
I know everyone does stuff differently but is that normal spending pattern or does it scream addiction of some kind?
I don't wnat his money or to be involved but I need to be able to do stuff and have a life and esp if planning to Co habit.

600 quid in 10 days is 60 a day. Bollocks is it on food and snacks unless he is eating caviar. There is something draining his money and he needs to cop to it.

Sounds like a red flag to me. Breaking up with someone who wants to move in is hard. They will say all the right things and become the partner you dreamt off to derail you. He sounds irresponsible with money and that will land on you to sorry out. He is not looking for a partner but a source of comfort and as soon as he moves in your gut instinct will kick in hard as he will be reverting back to lazy ways and neglect you and the relationship. These kind of individuals are not looking to improve their lives, they just want the comfort that comes with it, sex, more disposable income as he won’t have to pay his own rent, and before you know it he will be borrowing off of you and leave you mere breadcrumbs of every front. Save yourself the agony.

The thing is, whatever he’s doing with his money, he’s still doing while saying he wants to move in with you. If he was serious I’d expect him to change his spending habits if it really is a case of “food and snacks”, not to continue doing something so unnecessary. That tells me he’s looking for someone to be a backstop for his poor money management.

Hes not a child, he can change his behaviour but is choosing not to - that doesn’t bode well for any future you have together.

Ultimately it doesn’t really matter where his money is going, whether he’s gambling it away or blowing it all on cheeseburgers and haribo.

What matters is that you’ve spoken to him about it, you’ve told him that you’d like to start going out more, you’ve alerted him to the fact that you’re aware he’s pretty much always skint by the end if the month and this is a concern for you - and he’s done nothing about it.

He hasn’t once thought “right I’ve just been paid so I’ll put £100 away to go out for dinner and the cinema this month”.

This financial fuckwit is using you to fund him and feed him once his one money has run out.

Try at the end of this month telling him - “I’ve got no money to do your dinners for the next 2 weeks, you’re welcome to come over, but you won’t be eating anything here” and see what happens.

I did he just says he dosnt know but he does and he knows he's rubbish with money.
Again not helpful but I've asked now several times and this is standard response.

Fucking hell, is he a child? That's an "excuse" a 12 year old would give. I'd be sprinting for the hills if I were you.

I would want to see his bank statement, there's no way I'd move in with someone without full financial transparency

A lot of it is cash withdrawals, at least half.. So could be for food or snacks etc or anything else.
He genuinly earns what he says and woeks as I've taken him to and from work and there currently recruiting at his job so the salery is public info.

If he is genuinely rubbish with money (and not on drugs) then ask him to stop using cash and use his card for a month then you can see where it's going, most places accept cards nowadays

on food and snacks and genuinly there isn't any thing else to worry about

He said this to you?? Don't worry about living with someone who can't live for 2 weeks of the year as broke. Of course you are worried, it isn't "normal" to not cope with food bills. Most adults know why they are broke...if he says that he doesn't then he is lying to you.

He can't be eating £60 a day but cash withdrawals sounds like cash for drugs

I will tell you something OP- my son who is 23 and single and earns just over 30k was having the same issue and asking me to lend him money about half way through the month- he had around £700 a month residual- I refused at one point unless he showed me his bank statement- it then became obvious- only fans, deliveroo, taxis, buying bits for his car, paying parking fines etc . As I said below I wouldn't be interested in him moving in until he's happy for all cards to be on the table and I would tell him why- depends really if you love him enough to accept that having to accept honesty and transparency might mean the end of the relationship-- it might seem controlling but I think you have every right to know the score if it affects your decision and income

Oh and my son had a lot of cash withdrawals too- that was for his occasional weed habit and taxis that didn't take cards after the odd night out.

Do you think he is in debt? A nasty loan? He seems to go broke at the same time. Could that be the repayment day perhaps?

So he can manage money but thinks its fine to move in with you?

Just no. You'll end up paying for everything and burning with resentment into the bargain. Relationship sounds like it's going nowhere. I would tell him that next time you see him you want to be taken out and he pays! I'll bet my house he makes up an excuse.

Don't settle for so little.

Why are you putting yourself through this relationship? It sounds absolutely deadly and dull. He's spending all his money on whatever it is and you don't see any benefits of that but when he runs out he comes and sponges off you?

Would you lose any benefits if you lived with you? You do realise that after the first month he wouldn't pay a penny don't you?

This lack of transparency and absolutely uselessness with money and the boredom of staying in all day and night with him would make me want to end it ASAP.

Cash withdrawals = drugs. Or maybe betting shop if his card has been limited on gambling sites.

Oh dear sorry OP it definitely is a concern and you are right to listen to your gut. I imagine whatever his friends are subbing will land on you (and some) further down the line once he has his feet under the table.

He either needs to sort himself out (it is not down to you to fix his finance for him) - there are plenty of resources out there such as this : www.moneyhelper.org.uk/en/everyday-money/budgeting/beginners-guide-to-managing-your-money ...or moving in doesn't happen and I'd be out of there tbh

Good grief, OP. This guy is already mooching off of you and you want to give him even more opportunities to be a cocklodger? Don't do it.

Exactly my thoughts!

I wouldn't want to live with someone who was unable to manage their own finances properly and pay their own way.

Borrowing off friends, you needing to fund all going out etc would be an absolute firm no for even continuing this relationship, let alone moving in together.

I'd also suspect some significant problems such as gambling, drugs or large accumulated debts for his good wage to not even last a month.

You're feeding him dinner, paying for days out, and driving him to and from work. He has got it made. Good grief, get rid and never be such a mug again.

But you are still a fairly new relationship and you pay for all going out dates.

I mean why don't you say to him, it's summer I'm bored of staying in and it is most definitely not my turn to pay to go out. So let me know when you want to treat me to an out-out date.

See what he says/does.

And don't let him come round until he is prepared to at least live a but and financially meet you half way.

Just to clarify he pays for dinner half the time eg buys food. I don't drive him to and from work, I have a few times for various reasons but not regularly.

I don't wnat anyone to pay for me... Just to pay an equal share and go out and have adventures. Lots of cheap adventures out there but issue is he won't or can't afford those

If he can't afford to go out, what makes you think he can afford to contribute financially to the living situation? He will just live with you rent-free, not contributing to the bills and only paying for groceries some of the time for meals you will cook.

It's still quite early to be considering moving in.

This behaviour is lame and a red flag. Don't live together until you've been with him for 18 months or more finding out more about him/checking for red flags.

The money thing is probably not just about money, and is very concerning or something. Try and watch where the money is going (£60 a day on food every day for ten days is highly unlikely.

If he has mood swings/variations in behaviour, it does suggest the money's going on drugs.

If it's gambling you probably couldn't easily tell unless he says he's in debt.