My partner is really pushing at me to have a third baby...
Our background is that it took us a very long time to conceive thanks to pcos. After 8 long years and losing two babies we were finally blessed with our 4 yr old. Then when he was 16 weeks to my surprise I found out I was expecting again. It was a massive shock to me (even though it was explained to me you can fall pregnant very easily after giving birth) I honestly didn't think that would apply to me seeing as rarely ovulate etc but it happened and I immediately panicked about having 2 under 2 when I was only learning the ropes, as they say!
My second pregnancy was rough. I found it really hard doing 2 pregnancies back to back and I ended up with postnatal depression when our now 3 yr old was born. I was in a very dark place for 2 yrs after our second was born. It's only in the last 12 months I feel myself slightly coming back round. I also found it really hard with 2 under 2 and even now at 3 & 4 I'm full time in demand with both of them. I just find myself exhausted every day with 2 young child plus I'm a sahm (hubby thinks I should be at home to raise the kids).
Come September both will be in school which made me think about maybe getting a part time job to earn my own money, meet people & more importantly get me out of these 4 walls but my partner isn't as keen on it as I am. In fact for the last year or slightly more he's been pushing at me to have another baby. I'm not sure I want a third. When me and hubby discussed kids in the past we always said we would like 3 but now that we actually have kids I see it's a totally different ball game from what I imagined it would be. I'm scared to have another baby. I'm scared of losing myself again. I'm scared that it will take time away from my other 2 kids. I'm scared that we won't manage financially with a third plus me and hubby just aren't seeing eye to eye on many things anymore and the things he says/does makes me not want to have anymore kids with him. I've tried explaining my side and how I feel and I'm met with the response that "it's not fair that women can have the sole decision making on these things" like having another child or having a termination etc. He says some hurtful things when I explain how I feel about having another. He also tells me at 36 we aren't getting any younger and we need to have another ASAP. He just doesn't get it that I don't know if I'm ready for another baby. I definitely struggled with the two I have, I still do so the thought of struggling even more with another scares me.
Am I being unreasonable here?? Because he certainly makes me feel like I am and that I'm a total bitch for not wanting to give him another baby. But I think I'm the only one thinking about everything in the right way. I'm afraid he'll leave me if I don't have another baby with him as well. Am I wrong for thinking like this? How did anyone else think when the thought about another addiction to the family??