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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Getting the silent treatment, no idea why

112 replies

Mintchocchip1 · 06/06/2022 19:23

Been with DP 18 months, we are a same sex couple.

Tonight I received a message asking if i was at theirs today, I said yes. I was doing work from their computer as the screen is quite big and it's good for me to work from. At the weekend they had said i could work from it if i didn't want to go into the office. I decided this last minute after DP had left for work and didn't mention i had stayed there working as I didnt think it was a big deal.

I hadn't left any mess, i actually emptied the dishwasher for her. I left before DP arrived home so I could pick DS up from school.

So I get the standard how are you message, how was your afternoon etc. Then i get were you at mine earlier? I replied yes why, she asked why i didn't ask and how long i had been there. I said i didn't think it was a problem as you said i could.
Que silence. I've rung them and been ignored. My messages have been ignored yet they have been online lots.

I'm just baffled at what the issue is tbh?

Tbh im worried as i've been in abusive relationships in the past but this relationship i thought was different. Always felt equal, no abuse but recently i've felt a bit like she nags me, or gets in moods with me. A bit like feeling of walking on eggshells which i get with my abusive ex.

I'm sitting here now upset, trying to rack my brains at what i've actually done wrong.

OP posts:
KettrickenSmiled · 07/06/2022 19:39

She seriously is not happy in her job.I've listened to her for endless hours but i cant change it for her but for some reason she takes out her anger and resentment on me.

No mate - this is an unbalanced dynamic.
Get out before she starts on your kid.
Flowers

layladomino · 07/06/2022 19:56

She is showing you who she is. Trying to control how you spend money, controlling what you drink, saying unkind things, being arguementative, punishing you for working from her house (a day after she'd said you could work at her house), accusing you of doing things you haven't done, ignoring you.

These things won't get better. They will very likely get worse. It's upsetting that the person you had thought was 'the one' turns out not to be, but better to walk away now than in 6 months, 2 year, 10 years, when you've wasted even more time on her and you're even more downtrodden (and it will affect your child, the longer you stay with her).

hamptonedge · 07/06/2022 19:56

Mintchocchip1 · 07/06/2022 07:57

@muchofamuchnessme It's not that easy to grow self esteem, I wish it was. And I know I'm in these situations because my lack of self esteem.

I am aware of what's going on. Still doesn't make it hurt any less.

@Minoloso I don't know. She does always go on about how I spend my money and gets funny when me and ex are civil with each other. Its like she likes it when me and ex aren't getting along.

I remember one comment at a party where I wanted another drink and she told our friend who was buying not to get me anymore. Her friend laughed and went that's a bit controlling.

Other than that I don't think there's anything else

There doesn't need to be anything else, that is enough😤

cushio · 07/06/2022 20:21

Is she still being silent/moody with you? Or has she snapped out of it and expecting you to act like everything's fine now?

Original poster
Mintchocchip1 · 07/06/2022 20:33

cushio · 07/06/2022 20:21

Is she still being silent/moody with you? Or has she snapped out of it and expecting you to act like everything's fine now?

Well she text to say what she was annoyed about, tbh i think it's all small stuff. I replied and said her silent treatment was uncalled for and unacceptable. She's read it but not responded.

OP posts:
muchofamuchnessme · 07/06/2022 22:15

And when was that. She's still playing the power game and she is winning and you are on the back foot and she knows and likes it.

You've called her out, she needs to apologie

MzHz · 08/06/2022 07:28

Your next text should be

“this isn’t working for me. I’m not some child to be told off or punished. I’ve given you the time and space for you to apologise for your unreasonable behaviour and you’re still playing games and ignoring me. So carry on with that. You’re on your own.”

JudyGemstone · 08/06/2022 07:29

“and gets funny when me and ex are civil with each other. Its like she likes it when me and ex aren't getting along.”

don’t think anyones mentioned it but to me
this is the biggest indicator that something isn’t right with her. Healthy well adjusted people want the best for their partners and their partners children, maintaining good relationships with childrens fathers is generally the best thing for them - the fact that she seems jealous of this is a big old
red flag.

Badqueeen · 08/06/2022 08:18

If you let her get away with it this time, she will do it again and again. If she was pissed off, she could have said so instead of ignoring you. I think you should end it.

MzHz · 08/06/2022 19:58

I went out with a guy who ignored me for a few days for some reason or another- oh yes, he’d deliberately taken offence to something absolutely innocent - I warned him.

I don’t accept stonewalling. It’s abusive and it upsets me. Don’t do that again or I’ll end it.

he did it again.

I ended it.

but of course that wasn’t the end was it Dear Reader? He would text every couple of days for months “hello” or “thinking of you”

I never answered

he then texted HELP once. He expected me to bundle my little kid (who he’d never met) and go over and see if he was ok.

i didn’t reply. I consulted my MN friends. They all said “call the police for a welfare check”

I did. I explained that it was probably a total waste of time, but that he’d texted help, I’d no intention of communicating with him but just if they could pop round if they were in the area.

He then texted again. “Police just gone. Sorry to disturb”

STILL no reply

there were other weird things he did and for a few years I’d get emails on my birthday, and eventually he said that I’d be pleased to hear he was emigrating

i never ever replied. Blocked and carried on.

this is the amount of self esteem you can and need to summon.

if I can do it, (by the power of Mumsnet) so can you. (((Hug)))

billy1966 · 10/06/2022 16:27

@MzHz, a woman of her word.👍

Solosunrise · 11/06/2022 08:46

MzHz · 08/06/2022 19:58

I went out with a guy who ignored me for a few days for some reason or another- oh yes, he’d deliberately taken offence to something absolutely innocent - I warned him.

I don’t accept stonewalling. It’s abusive and it upsets me. Don’t do that again or I’ll end it.

he did it again.

I ended it.

but of course that wasn’t the end was it Dear Reader? He would text every couple of days for months “hello” or “thinking of you”

I never answered

he then texted HELP once. He expected me to bundle my little kid (who he’d never met) and go over and see if he was ok.

i didn’t reply. I consulted my MN friends. They all said “call the police for a welfare check”

I did. I explained that it was probably a total waste of time, but that he’d texted help, I’d no intention of communicating with him but just if they could pop round if they were in the area.

He then texted again. “Police just gone. Sorry to disturb”

STILL no reply

there were other weird things he did and for a few years I’d get emails on my birthday, and eventually he said that I’d be pleased to hear he was emigrating

i never ever replied. Blocked and carried on.

this is the amount of self esteem you can and need to summon.

if I can do it, (by the power of Mumsnet) so can you. (((Hug)))

I'm so impressed with this!

There was another brilliant poster who was dumped by text. MN advice to to not respond. He kept hassling her and tried to make her get back in touch but she never did. Ended up very happily with someone much nicer, I think

Hope you're ok @Mintchocchip1

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