Getting the silent treatment, no idea why

[Mintchocchip1]

Been with DP 18 months, we are a same sex couple.

Tonight I received a message asking if i was at theirs today, I said yes. I was doing work from their computer as the screen is quite big and it's good for me to work from. At the weekend they had said i could work from it if i didn't want to go into the office. I decided this last minute after DP had left for work and didn't mention i had stayed there working as I didnt think it was a big deal.

I hadn't left any mess, i actually emptied the dishwasher for her. I left before DP arrived home so I could pick DS up from school.

So I get the standard how are you message, how was your afternoon etc. Then i get were you at mine earlier? I replied yes why, she asked why i didn't ask and how long i had been there. I said i didn't think it was a problem as you said i could.
Que silence. I've rung them and been ignored. My messages have been ignored yet they have been online lots.

I'm just baffled at what the issue is tbh?

Tbh im worried as i've been in abusive relationships in the past but this relationship i thought was different. Always felt equal, no abuse but recently i've felt a bit like she nags me, or gets in moods with me. A bit like feeling of walking on eggshells which i get with my abusive ex.

I'm sitting here now upset, trying to rack my brains at what i've actually done wrong.

deserve

That's not disrespect @Dalekjastninerels - it's fact.
Unless you can tell me how many women murdered their female partners this year ..?

Do you think women who are murdered in abusive relationships were treated with respect before they were murdered.
Do you think those murdered women were murdered by women?

You and your son are her emotional punching bag.

You desperately need to want and expect better for you AND your child.

Your child is collateral damage to her causing you to walk on eggshells and be upset.

Please don't allow your child to see you treated like this.

Murder is murder- what does it matter whether it is a man or a woman?

Do you think lesbian relationships are never abusive?

Exactly!

Murder is murder- what does it matter whether it is a man or a woman?
OP has not been murdered, or even physically threatened.
I'm not exactly sure why you stated screaming murder out of nowhere, but have a sneaking suspicion ...

Do you think lesbian relationships are never abusive?
Clearly not, as I have been posting on OP's thread in support of her against her g/f's abuse.
However, I also know that lesbian relationships very, very, rarely end in murder.

... I think you failed to notice that OP is in a same-sex relationship, got hysterical about DV statistics forgetting that these are mainly perpetrated by men, & are now backtracking to cover up your mistake.

No this relationship was with a man. Actually it's my DS father so I have the pleasure of trying to co parent with him.

This is my first female relationship

I'm currently feeling numb with hints of anger. I thought I was welcomed in her home as this is how she made it out to me. Gave me a key to hers. I don't often stay at hers without her so it's not like I take the mick. She even had said at the weekend so I took that as a green light to use it. I wouldn't have done if she had not have mentioned it.

I'm just so sad that she is not the person I thought she was. And I know abusive people don't show their bad side at the beginning it slowly drips in. I feel a fool

Her reasons are... weird and her previous comment about not missing you would make me think she's not feeling the relationship anymore, especially if you've been arguing recently too

I have two words : Slippery Slope, here are two more Boiling Frog and yet another two Red Flag.

Should OP put up with abuse after abuse hoping her girlfriend will change for better- or should she get out now?

Abusive relationships escalate and do not appear out of nowhere.

OP has not be physically threatened-but has been emotionally abused and yes she can be a sitting duck and waiting for the inevitable escalation or she can save herself.

OP has not be physically abused.

Yet.

been

I suggest you consult a dictionary to learn what the words hysterical and screaming mean- as I was very calm when I replied and I also was not yelling in a high pitched voice.

Should OP put up with abuse after abuse hoping her girlfriend will change for better- or should she get out now?

Why are you asking me @Dalekjastninerels? Is it a failed attempt at a Straw Man argument?

I've already posted, identifying the g/f's behaviour as abusive & asking OP how she feels about ending things immediately. Why not scroll back & see for yourself, instead of embarrassing yourself with bizarre accusatory questions & wild talk of murder?

With her list of reasons that she has given you I would be angry at my DH every single minute if every single day. She clearly doesn't like sharing her space. That's on her not you. You need to decide if this is the type of relationship you want, being inflexible doesn't really work.

Backtracked?!

Throw that Red pill is the bin please.

I am not embarrassed in the least.

Wild talk?!

Incorrect!!

You are not a fool OP. Your eyes are no open and you can see what's happening. That doesn't make.you a fool (at all). It would make you a fool if you stayed.

As my old man says - 'If you always do what you've always done, you will always get what you've always got'.

Wise words

I’m sorry to harm back to this and not cut and paste but my phone goes mental if i try to copy and drag to pick out only one part

the “i want my old dp back” point. There is no ‘old dp’

the dp you met, the woman you thought you knew was wearing the mask she wore to get you involved with her, get you hooked.

on average it takes about 2 years for a (heterosexual) abuser to show themselves

i have no experience or insight into same sex abusive relationships, but I do understand that lesbian relationships are known to move at a faster pace than hetero relationships

therefore it might indicate that the onset of abuse may start sooner.

one thing is for sure, there were signs already. Some you must have missed, the one about the drink that your friend picked up on. The arguments. The off hand comments designed to make you feel just a little less confident

this is a textbook example of an abusers mask beginning to slip.

You will never have the ‘old’ dp back because she never existed in the first place.
that genie never ever goes back into the bottle.

I know this is hard to read, harder to believe perhaps but sadly it’s ALWAYS this way.

the silent treatment IS also One of the nastiest non violent forms of abuse. it will escalate. It always does.

now is the time to call quits, end it and don’t ever let her back in or you may not get out so easily again.

this isn’t how a good relationship looks like.

*hark

You are not a fool.

She HAS shown you who she is.

Now you know.

What you do now to protect yourself and your child is what is important.

She is not a nice person.

Do not allow her to have the impact her behaviour will have on your child.

In protest yourself, you protect your child.

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.
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Zero excuse for her behaviour.

Call her out. Tell her that no matter how angry she is silent treatment is not an excuse or mature and is an abusive controlling tactic,

You should not ever put up with it. But alas it looks like you might.

There's no more explanation, she is wrong regardless.

It won't get any better if you do not set boundaries and think you deserve better.

At the end of the day, a healthy person does not ignore someone for these alleged petty misdemeanours OP. She is trying to condition you into being on eggshells and to question yourself, therefore unbalance you. It’s gaslighting!

A healthy person says nothing for these perceived things (as they are so petty it’s unbelievable) or says something like ‘really glad you got some work done, did you leave the light on?’ etc.

Unfortunately I think her mask has slipped - and unfortunately for her you have clocked it. It’s a horrible way to treat someone OP, don’t feel like a fool - you did realise otherwise you wouldn’t have asked here.

Well when shes at work it seems she compartmentalises me which is fine because the nature of her job is hectic but rather than just say ah yea ive missed you but been busy she said that. I think it was because i said i took a day off and she seemed resentful of that.

She seriously is not happy in her job.I've listened to her for endless hours but i cant change it for her but for some reason she takes out her anger and resentment on me.

I think you're right. The mask has slipped