Sick of his comments

[RooRem2]

Every single fucking day he has to make me feel more shit than I already do about myself. About my weight, my skin, what I wear, even my teeth which with out sounding big headed, are quite nice. I lost 2 stone a couple of months ago which I have maintained but haven’t lost anymore since. “Should you be eating that” “diets going well then I see” if somebody big comes on tv, he says it’s me then laughs and says he’s only winding me up. His friend is getting married in august and he told me I need to get back on the diet because all his friends will be there and he doesn’t want me embarrassing him. Which of course he told me he was only joking (yeah right)🤔We went on a day out on Saturday and on the way home he said “I wasn’t perving but doesn’t it bother you when you see girls in nice summer clothes, I am gutted for you” “I’d love for you to be able to wear those gym clothes” The day before that it was about my spots. Yesterday I was laughing at something, he said “have you brushed your teeth today” (I had obviously) I got upset and like every time he says he was joking or that he’s only trying to help me. I’ve had enough but I guess I’m just used to it now. If I pull him up on something he says he tells me I need to lighten up and he says that I can’t take a joke. I hold it all in when he’s here but he’s at work now and I woke up and just burst into tears. I am fed up of his comments, the way he worms his way out of it and just life in general.

Listen op , he’s massively insecure himself this is why he’s bringing you down, he’s scared you are looking good! I bet you hes punching above his weight! He’s not joking! He’s trying to bring you down simply cos he can’t handle you achieving weight loss, there’s nothing wrong with your teeth or skin or anything else love! He’s trying to make you feel lousy about yourself! I bet pound to penny this is the reason, he should be proud of you! I wouldn’t put up with that for one second! Congrats on weight loss I’ve also lost two stone my husband is pleased for me he doesn’t do what yours is doing!

This sounds like negging and he is doing it to drain you of your self worth. It will only get worse if you stay and things will only get better if you leave.

Wow run don’t walk run… that’s abusive and controlling

Your home should be your sanctuary and partner your support network not someone who brings you down

Write it all down as you have done here & hand it to him. Let him be gobsmacked. I don't know if you have a daughter but imagine if he was saying these things to your children or imagine if, when older, someone else was putting your child through this. Use the anger that stirs up.
He probably thinks he has you just where he wants you - under his feet & he needs to keep you there. Only a very insecure man would say the things he does. Even if you lost more weight, wore the clothes he's taking about, had toothpast-ad teeth, he would still put you down. Some men resent their partners being attractive, and try to make them feel shit about themselves because they don't want them to know they can do better.
A secure man who loved and valued you would never put you down.
If you do challenge him & make moves to leave, prepare to be called all sorts - mental, stupid, fat & ugly, 'no-one will ever want you' etc. etc. He could turn very nasty. Get as much support around you as possible.

Start using today onwards to sort out leaving him. This is on par with the cycle of abuse, you get used to it. You are normalising it and it's not normal.

I am very big now, again trying to do what I can to improve things. And even I have got fed up of feeling like i should feel lucky or fortunate that a guy is with me, it's not about them or what they mind or don't mind, it's about yourself!
Can I just say how fantastic that is that you've lost 2 stone, can I ask how you did that, as I need all the help I can get!

I get that, you aren't the first who has done that and stayed, and you won't be the last. But having my DS is what made me finally have somebody else to focus on than my exP. And one way or another I left him. Yes it's hard yes it's sad, I have many moments where I find it all so hard, but I did it that's what counts.

You will do it too. You've come this far, you need to start looking at your circumstances what's your housing situation etc, who would stay who would go, are you married? I think you have said he is your DP so assuming not married.

Yes I second this, I wish my Mum had left my Father, still together now, and he bullies her worse now about eating etc than ever before, it's horrible.

What @mypinkslippers said. Explain how serious this is, tell him it isn’t a joke, give him a chance to stop, and if he doesn’t and you leave, he can’t say he didn’t know why.

He’s destroyed your self confidence so badly that you can’t even say you have quite nice teeth without thinking you’re big headed. It’s so very sad.

Jokes are only funny if the audience laughs. Any comedian will tell you that.

They say that behind every jest is an element of truth. He's getting away with being abusive to you by wrapping it up as a "joke" and blaming you for being offended as having no sense of humour.

He's nothing but an abusive cuntbag.

You can still end it.

Hugs

I agree, being a big person I guess how does a guy say/do it in the right way, like you don't want someone to normalise it, because if you are overweight or obese it's not okay, but I guess the main thing is, it is not for the guy to say or do anything about it, and if they can't deal with it that much then they shouldn't be the woman.

What you have described is Emotional Abuse. It will never improve. There will always be something he will find to undermine your confidence. This will ultimately affect your mental health.
Be brave, start the ball rolling. See a Solicitor for advice. Visit your GP & explain the situation. Inform an extremely trustworthy friend or relative what is happening to you.
Often, these abusers appear to be the perfect person in front of everyone else. Kind, lovely…. No one would believe how horrible they are behind closed doors. This makes leaving so much more difficult. You begin to think ‘Is it me?’
Good Luck.

I've said and done similar, in one way it's like saying get lost then, in another it's showing you feel insecure or self conscious not feeling good enough for him. Well start the ball rolling to get rid of him and let him find what he thinks he really wants, I feel incredibly sorry the next woman he gets with.
And you in time will be feeling great and will meet someone twenty times better than him!

Abusive men never listen or take it in, or they might but they never last longer before they do it again.

I know, posters do this as if we know the bloke in question from Adam. I'm bloody glad I don't know this prince amongst men.

Wow, what a charmer'

He is negging. This is abuse

Over 7 billion people on this planet, leave, there are better men out there x

Pressed post too soon!
OP leave him.

My H made a couple of nasty comments about me putting me down towards the end of last year in front of his family. I was so upset but he didn't see why, he thought it was a laugh and he told me his sister saw nothing wrong in what he said either!!!!

At that point I decided to no longer wanted to spend the rest of my life with him (we've been together 21 years). We split in April and I am beginning to feel like a weight has been lifted. You will too trust me.

Oh wow 😔 I'm so sorry he is doing this to you.

It's emotional abuse.

I think if I was you I would start to plan my exit strategy. If you want to try and change him first, you could do with finding as many online examples of this kind of emotional abuse/negging/gaslighting as you can and show him all of it. Send him articles every day. Show him that it's not just you, that you aren't too sensitive... That what he is doing is abusive. It could take a while for it to sink in. It may never sink in. You need your exit strategy for if it doesn't.

On the .gov website it says the following is considered domestic abuse:

• being repeatedly belittled, put down or told you are worthless
• being told that abuse is your fault, or that you’re overreacting

Good luck 💐

I love this!

Could you move out for a while and shock him into reflecting on his behaviour?

Oh OP - couldn't read and run. You deserve so much better. As an aside, losing two stone and keeping it off is a fantastic achievement. Relationships are built on mutual respect and being kind to each other. Your partner should be your friend, and I bet you wouldn't put up with this treatment from a friend. As others have said, I think you need to have serious words with him, lay your cards out on the table, and then seriously consider moving on from this man. Don't let your children watch him belittling you, you're worth more than that.

@skodadoda I’d love to be able to do this but unfortunately I have no where to go. He probably has one or two options but I really doubt he’d go.

Classic dickhead behaviour. Been there. They hate it when you lose weight because they think it'll make you confident enough to leave them. Guess what, you can leave him anyway and be happy and slim (or not) away from him and his shitty little put downs.

As others have suggested, the next time he comes out with his vile 'bants', tell him really clearly that you don't share this sense of humour and that if he keeps hurting your feelings you will separate. Say it like you mean it.

He'll assume you won't follow through, but he's had his warning. Get tough.

9 years isn't long

Do you want the rest of your life with him putting you down?

Start making plans today