Sick of his comments

[RooRem2]

Every single fucking day he has to make me feel more shit than I already do about myself. About my weight, my skin, what I wear, even my teeth which with out sounding big headed, are quite nice. I lost 2 stone a couple of months ago which I have maintained but haven’t lost anymore since. “Should you be eating that” “diets going well then I see” if somebody big comes on tv, he says it’s me then laughs and says he’s only winding me up. His friend is getting married in august and he told me I need to get back on the diet because all his friends will be there and he doesn’t want me embarrassing him. Which of course he told me he was only joking (yeah right)🤔We went on a day out on Saturday and on the way home he said “I wasn’t perving but doesn’t it bother you when you see girls in nice summer clothes, I am gutted for you” “I’d love for you to be able to wear those gym clothes” The day before that it was about my spots. Yesterday I was laughing at something, he said “have you brushed your teeth today” (I had obviously) I got upset and like every time he says he was joking or that he’s only trying to help me. I’ve had enough but I guess I’m just used to it now. If I pull him up on something he says he tells me I need to lighten up and he says that I can’t take a joke. I hold it all in when he’s here but he’s at work now and I woke up and just burst into tears. I am fed up of his comments, the way he worms his way out of it and just life in general.

Absolutely this. Please end it op, for your kids as well as yourself.

Explain to the kids that you can't stay in a relationship with Daddy because he is unkind to you

WTAF???????!!!!!????? Do not EVER say anything like the above to any children! This is highly manipulative and would confuse & upset any child/ren

No matter what this vile man says or does (within reason) you must not ever speak badly of them to the kids. They are children and do not have developed enough brains to handle adult relationships and issues. To say something like the above is to manipulate them against their father which when they're adults, they'll only resent you for. Frequently doing this could land them with mental health issues in adolescence & adulthood

This has infuriated me

This entirely. Pack your bags and leave before he comes home. This will erode your sense of self like water on soft rock.

OP I rarely tell people what to do but honestly, you need to leave this horrific man. He is vile. Not only that, but obviously staying means the kids at risk of overheating how he puts you down. Is it ever ok for kids to see that, what if they learn from it and behave the same in future? Certainly don’t involve them, don’t make them choose sides. They have eyes and will surely have seen for themselves already. Leaving is the only chance to take a stand.

He's not happy about your weight loss. He's constantly making comments about it to you because he doesn't want you to lose more, not because he does. Who does he think he is saying 'he feels bad for you because you can't wear those clothes'. That's him trying to get into your head to make you think 'oh it's not worth trying to lose more weight'. Your weight loss has spooked him.

Him saying he is joking is just a second humiliation on top of the first and immediately after. He is NOT joking. He says that to try and deflect and make you feel bad about yourself when it's him making you feel bad about yourself.

Agree with PP. He will do this in front of the DC and they will be turned to his way of thinking because of his manipulation and the way it is framed.

They will see the 'flaws' that he sees because he will rag on about then endlessly and that you have no sense of humour to boot because you don't see the 'joke'. Insidious, manipulative, coercive behaviour at it's finest and it will only get worse.

Leave him, and while your working on that turn this on him, criticise his teeth/weight etc

You need to get out, right now, for the sake of your kids. Do you want them growing up with body image issues and thinking that it's ok for a man to bully his partner?

Is he looker himself op?

I find very insecure ppl can be the most unpleasant, good looking ppl are too busy being good looking

i couldn’t stay with someone like this op?

Who is ‘he’? Just a boyfriend? If so, easy enough to ditch the trash, he will still parent his kids (poor them).

Theres absolutely no need to have ever tolerated this contempt and it’s awful to inflict this farce on children. The only point of a relationship is that it’s meant to enhance your life. It’s meant to be fun.

My friend is married to a man like this ! He is vile to her but wraps it up in humour !
Don't stand for it !

Re your earlier comment
"I think if it wasn’t for the kids and being together so long I’d have left"

It is for these children that you should leave your, and in turn their, abuser. Sound travels and it is highly likely they have heard far more than you realise here. They certainly pick up on all the vibes, both spoken and unspoken, between you both.

Stop doing your bit also to teach them such damaging lessons on relationships by at all staying with him. Staying for the kids never works out and is a particularly stupid idea in your circumstances. Do you really want them to grow up thinking, yes this is how men do treat women because mum showed us this was acceptable to her too?.

Being with him also because you've now for x number of years is still no reason to stay with him and is an example of the sunken costs fallacy prevalent in relationships. A bad investment here is not going to sudden come good and people get bogged down in their sunk costs.

There are two ways to understand this process, both involving avoidance. One is an avoidance of disappointment or loss when something doesn’t work out. When a relationship doesn’t succeed, especially after a long period, especially after many shared experiences and especially after developing a hope that the relationship would be a good one, it is a loss. It is a loss of what might have been and an acknowledgement that a part of one’s life has been devoted to this endeavour.

Another angle to evaluate is that focus on “sunk cost” creates a distraction from one’s inner truth. The sentence often goes like, “I’ve already invested to much, so I can’t notice my thoughts and feelings that are telling me to end or change this relationship.”

This is a type of insidious defense against noticing yourself and this is what you are doing to yourself now. You enter into a neglectful relationship with yourself which divorces you from your inner thoughts and the quiet feelings that might guide you in your life. In other words, thinking about what already has been may prevent you from deciding what you want your life to be.

He's a nasty, stupid twat. Get rid of him.

How can you be helped here into leaving your abuser?. What is the situation here for instance re the property and finances?.

He's not joking, OP. He knows exactly what he is doing. It isn't funny, it's too true, and it is absolutely designed to hurt you, control you and put you in your place. Please don't stay with someone who dislikes you this much. It does nothing for your children. If you must, tell him simply, just once, that it isn't funny, is not a joke, and he has one chance to stop putting you down (if he doesn't mean it, he can stop) or he will have to go. He won't stop.

He's putting you down because he feels threatened that you look good, and that you'll leave him for someone else.
That doesn't make it right. He's being disrespectful and abusive. Besides the time you've been together, you have children. Do you want them growing up thinking that this is how men should treat women?
He won't change. Trust me, l know, l had years of this.
Well done on losing the weight, l know how hard it is, especially to maintain.
I'd be seriously thinking about if l wanted to spend the next 20/30/40 years living like this, though. He's going to chip away at you piece by piece.
You're worth so much more than that x

Without a doubt, you're better looking than him & his charming personality! I'm sure he'd love to be on the receiving end of his jokes.

You're in an abusive and unhappy relationship. Your children are picking up on this day by day, without you even realising.

Leave him. He's a bastard and you deserve and can do better. You'd be happier on your own than with him, never mind in another relationship!

Wow, OP, for you and you're kids sake, listen to all these replies and get out. Nothing else to add, apart from he is a full on cunt.

Please, for yours and for your children's sakes, leave him. As the children grow up, they will be more than aware of the way he is treating you. You won't want them to think this is a healthy relationship.

What's your situation - who owns/rents the house, how easy will it be to get him to move out?

I'm sorry he's such a dick. You deserve better.

I agree with this - I thought my son was oblivious to what my ex did, but when I left him he said quite openly "I'm glad we don't live with Daddy anymore as he was mean to you a lot" (and he was) - I didn't confirm or deny, but I noticed as soon as I left my ex my son's mood and attitude changed dramatically.

He is abusing you. Get out.

Being with someone like this (and I once was, for a long time) is like being with someone who keeps drilling into your skull with a piledriver. Why put yourself through it?

Why put the kids through it? If he enjoys this power over you, he might start to enjoy it with them too. Even if he doesn't, this is never going to be a happy family dynamic because he is sick in the head.

"You can't take a joke" is just a form of gaslighting. The idea is that he can be as cruel as he likes, but gets to disown it by pretending it was a joke, while at the same time making you doubt yourself even further. Not only does he get to make you feel ugly, he gets to make you feel stupid too, and as though you can never trust your own judgement! Talk about killing two birds with one stone!

Needless to say, this is the tactic of a vile coward. You don't want to stick around with someone like that.

Get yourself away from him ASAP so that you can start enjoying life and celebrating your own place in it! As someone with lousy teeth, I'm glad he hasn't quite yet robbed you of your delight in your nice ones 😍🥰🤩

Like a couple of people have said, it sounds like you’ve successfully lost some weight, look fantastic and he is negging you cos he’s worried about losing you.

You deserve better OP, please lose this dead weight scrote too.

You are beautiful as you are and you are enough. it's his loss, ditch him for not being good enough for you. You shouldn't be putting up with him.