Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Sick of his comments

126 replies

RooRem2 · 06/06/2022 08:52

Every single fucking day he has to make me feel more shit than I already do about myself. About my weight, my skin, what I wear, even my teeth which with out sounding big headed, are quite nice. I lost 2 stone a couple of months ago which I have maintained but haven’t lost anymore since. “Should you be eating that” “diets going well then I see” if somebody big comes on tv, he says it’s me then laughs and says he’s only winding me up. His friend is getting married in august and he told me I need to get back on the diet because all his friends will be there and he doesn’t want me embarrassing him. Which of course he told me he was only joking (yeah right)🤔We went on a day out on Saturday and on the way home he said “I wasn’t perving but doesn’t it bother you when you see girls in nice summer clothes, I am gutted for you” “I’d love for you to be able to wear those gym clothes” The day before that it was about my spots. Yesterday I was laughing at something, he said “have you brushed your teeth today” (I had obviously) I got upset and like every time he says he was joking or that he’s only trying to help me. I’ve had enough but I guess I’m just used to it now. If I pull him up on something he says he tells me I need to lighten up and he says that I can’t take a joke. I hold it all in when he’s here but he’s at work now and I woke up and just burst into tears. I am fed up of his comments, the way he worms his way out of it and just life in general.

OP posts:
LooseGoose22 · 06/06/2022 10:44

He thinks it’s all one big joke

Does he find it funny if you do it to him?

What's not "perfect" about him?

How eould he take you saying "it must be gutting for you when you see men with huge dicks in porn"?

RooRem2 · 06/06/2022 10:44

Thanks everyone for the support. We private rent and I have my own money so it’d be easy for me to leave regarding all of that.
I hate what he’s turned me into. I’m constantly comparing myself to others which makes me feel like shit. I feel like I’ll never be attractive even if I do lose more weight. I hate how I look to the point where I don’t even want to make an effort anymore. He’s well and truly stripped me of any confidence (which wasn’t really there to begin with) I feel like telling him to fuck off to someone who’s slim and wears gym clothes and anything else he wants

OP posts:
LooseGoose22 · 06/06/2022 10:46

It must be gutting for you not to be able to go to the gym and look like the regulars.

It must be getting for you to not be a le to strip off at the pool on holidays and not have a 6 pack like some other guys.

It must be getting for you when you stand stand to very tall men.

Try some of those, then say you're only joking,can he not take a joke, he takes everything too seriously.

comfortablyfrumpy · 06/06/2022 10:48

RooRem2 · 06/06/2022 10:44

Thanks everyone for the support. We private rent and I have my own money so it’d be easy for me to leave regarding all of that.
I hate what he’s turned me into. I’m constantly comparing myself to others which makes me feel like shit. I feel like I’ll never be attractive even if I do lose more weight. I hate how I look to the point where I don’t even want to make an effort anymore. He’s well and truly stripped me of any confidence (which wasn’t really there to begin with) I feel like telling him to fuck off to someone who’s slim and wears gym clothes and anything else he wants

Please, please then leave him before he erodes your self confidence even more. You deserve so much better than this.

It might be easier if he would leave - would he, if you told him it was over? Otherwise, I'd be looking for another rental for you and the children.

Good luck, here's to a brighter future without his nastiness.

7eleven · 06/06/2022 10:49

The very next time he says something look him in the eye and calmly, yet firmly say “I don’t like that, please stop.” And mean it.

LooseGoose22 · 06/06/2022 10:50

*It must be gutting for you when you stand stand to very tall men.

Tell him that since he's 6 ft plus, has a perfect male fitness model physique, perfectly handsome face, full head of hair, perfect teeth, ears ears shit tonne of money in a lucrative profession etc .... you feel he really needs a looks matched partner, he's settled, hes naturally naturally unhappy, you feel you're holding him back from from partner he should really have etc etc. You can't live with doing that anymore.

Dixiechickonhols · 06/06/2022 10:53

You know it’s eating away at self confidence. It’s not about weight. If you were thin he’d pick on something else - too old to wear that etc.
You know you need to leave. Get your ducks in a row and then go. You don’t want your children growing up hearing that or him turning on them. Good luck.

Happierthanever91 · 06/06/2022 10:54

It usually really annoys me on here when people tell the OP to leave their DP over everything and anything but Jesus Christ please leave this man. I wanted to cry for you just reading your post. I am so sorry that you're even having to deal with this. Please don't make yourself put up with it any longer, you're worth so much more than some absolute bellend who can't keep his mouth shut

Doginthewindow · 06/06/2022 10:54

Your children will start talking to you like that soon. Because you tolerate it, and they think it’s normal.

dworky · 06/06/2022 10:55

He's abusive & the only thing you should do is leave him.
It's not going to be easy, especially as he's worn away your self esteem but you have to find a way. You deserve a better life than this.

Natty13 · 06/06/2022 11:00

RooRem2 · 06/06/2022 09:30

Thanks everyone. I know what I need to do it’s just easier said than done I guess. I think it’s because I’m so used to it, and he says he’s joking all of the time that I just believe him. Although I don’t at the same time. I don’t know😣I know if I left him, he’d be gobsmacked and wouldn’t understand why. Although I’ve told him countless of times how it makes me feel. He thinks it’s all one big joke

You keep mentioning the "joke" aspect as if that makes it ok?

Even if he IS joking, these jokes are not ok at all! If someone said ANY of that to me and said "I'm only joking lighten up" I'd be telling them that jokes like that aren't acceptable and to never make negative comments about my appearance ever again. Ever.

You deserve soooo much better than being with someone who knows he is upsetting you and does it anyway.

LadyLothbrook · 06/06/2022 11:07

I can tolerate alot but one thing I will absolutely not stand for is comments on my appearance by my partner. Fine if I was a little unkempt for him to tactfully make me aware or whatever, at a push. But comments on my weight, ageing body, teeth etc would be a no go. We have enough hang ups without the person who's supposed to find us attractive digging us out. It sounds like hell and he will only get worse. He sounds absolutely pathetic. Let him go find his version of the perfect woman because to me he sounds like the kind of stroker who will find fault with any woman. Also, Flowers these are for you OP.

Daenerys77 · 06/06/2022 11:12

Your weight is the least of your problems. It will probably stabilise at a healthy level once you are out of this abusive relationship.

catandcoffee · 06/06/2022 11:14

OP this is such a sad post to read.
The person who loves you should build you up, not knock you down.

He is a nasty abusive arsehole ... take your children and make plans to leave.

Make yourself a new motto.....No more the doormat. 💪

PriestessofPing · 06/06/2022 11:15

He’s not joking though is he, that just something abusive people like him say to try and get away with insulting and belittling other people.

Just leave him, he has zero respect for you and clearly enjoys putting you down, he makes a hobby of it. You don’t have to keep taking it you know.

mypinkslippers · 06/06/2022 11:18

RooRem2 · 06/06/2022 09:30

Thanks everyone. I know what I need to do it’s just easier said than done I guess. I think it’s because I’m so used to it, and he says he’s joking all of the time that I just believe him. Although I don’t at the same time. I don’t know😣I know if I left him, he’d be gobsmacked and wouldn’t understand why. Although I’ve told him countless of times how it makes me feel. He thinks it’s all one big joke

Well instead of just upping and leaving you could give him a warning first?

What he's doing is unacceptable and it's not good for your children to grow up thinking it's normal or okay to speak to your partner that way.

I was with someone for a very long time also who I literally thought I could not live without, which is why I never left, even though it was painfully obvious I should have.

I really did believe that I would not be able to cope with this person, yet once I left the weight lifted and I could not believe I ever thought that way, for almost a decade!

Tell him you need to talk and then sit him down and tell him how the comments made you feel, why they are not acceptable, why they will eventually harm the children as well and have a negative impact on their own relationships.

Lay that out for him and tell him if he does not stop then you will be leaving.

Once you have his reaction tell him you will now go away and think about it. Come back here and tell us the reaction. Don't react. He could react violently, with threats, or abuse, threats around the children etc. etc. and I think you could do with some advice at that point from people outside of the situation.

If you do it this way you will achieve the following:

You won't have just upped and left on a whim and no can say you just ran away over nothing.

You will learn a lot more about him from his reaction and know where you stand a lot more than if you just left.

You will know that you gave this a chance and were very reasonable.

Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 06/06/2022 11:20

Leave him. He's a cunt and you deserve better.

Belovedfool · 06/06/2022 11:21

RooRem2 · 06/06/2022 08:52

Every single fucking day he has to make me feel more shit than I already do about myself. About my weight, my skin, what I wear, even my teeth which with out sounding big headed, are quite nice. I lost 2 stone a couple of months ago which I have maintained but haven’t lost anymore since. “Should you be eating that” “diets going well then I see” if somebody big comes on tv, he says it’s me then laughs and says he’s only winding me up. His friend is getting married in august and he told me I need to get back on the diet because all his friends will be there and he doesn’t want me embarrassing him. Which of course he told me he was only joking (yeah right)🤔We went on a day out on Saturday and on the way home he said “I wasn’t perving but doesn’t it bother you when you see girls in nice summer clothes, I am gutted for you” “I’d love for you to be able to wear those gym clothes” The day before that it was about my spots. Yesterday I was laughing at something, he said “have you brushed your teeth today” (I had obviously) I got upset and like every time he says he was joking or that he’s only trying to help me. I’ve had enough but I guess I’m just used to it now. If I pull him up on something he says he tells me I need to lighten up and he says that I can’t take a joke. I hold it all in when he’s here but he’s at work now and I woke up and just burst into tears. I am fed up of his comments, the way he worms his way out of it and just life in general.

Good fucking god, why are you with this man?

ringemoooo · 06/06/2022 11:23

I feel like I’ll never be attractive even if I do lose more weight

Even if you did lose more weight he'd find something else. He's already started on teeth, skin and clothes.
He's just awful.
You should get rid of him ASAP. Because he is DELIBERATELY chipping away at your self-esteem. Certain types of men do this in order to keep you where they want you - no self-confidence so there's little chance of you leaving them and you are at their beck and call. They can do what they like and treat you how they like because they've made you feel so shit you simply can't up and leave.
(I went through very similar with my ex).

Once you get rid of him you will feel SO much better about yourself. I bet you do have nice teeth and nice skin. And once you get rid of this horrible burden bearing down on you, you'll look and feel more radiant automatically.

Herejustforthisone · 06/06/2022 11:25

How appalling that such inadequate and cruel men walk among us.

I hope you find the strength to tell him to fuck off, OP. You’ll find without the constant negging, your self belief will increase.

Also do not stay together for the children. You really don’t want boys seeing his behaviour and being influenced by it or girls thinking it’s an acceptable way to be treated.

ScurryfungeMaster · 06/06/2022 11:27

Run! Seriously, he doesn't respect you or lift you up like a loving partner should. I dated someone like him years ago and he was awful, he destroyed my confidence.

RumHam · 06/06/2022 11:30

My heart broke reading this. There's having a laugh and a joke and then there's this - it's cruel, manipulative and abusive. You deserve so much better.

yousexybugger · 06/06/2022 11:33

Don't get into backbiting and commenting about his height etc. It's tedious and only validates his awful, abusive behaviour.

Please leave this pathetic bully. You'll be glad you did.

It's all rooted somewhere murky in his insecurities. Not your problem to solve for him by absorbing this shit.

Hidehiho · 06/06/2022 11:34

It sounds like he has contempt for you which he shows in his comments then hides behind it being “a joke”. It’s cruel and he knows full well what he is doing. The next time he makes any comments to you I would calmly say “if you are not happy with how I look then I suggest we discuss breaking up as these constant digs are intolerable”.

Redruby2020 · 06/06/2022 11:35

FetchezLaVache · 06/06/2022 08:53

Leave him. Today. Don't look back.

Couldn't agree more!!

Swipe left for the next trending thread