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Original poster

DM overstepped her mark

87 replies

girlmummy25 · 04/06/2022 23:04

My DM is very open and out there. It was my DD's 3rd birthday party which started at 1:30pm (at home) and come 7:30pm there were still a few people at my house.
Im pregnant and was knackered, my DD was getting tired and a bit irritable. I told my mum i felt knackered and done and she saw me struggling with my DD a little bit, she took it upon herself to ask the remaining guests to leave which was my DH family and friends. He is livid and so angry... how do I make this right between them? They didnt argue but he was visibly annoyed
My mum in her mind was looking out for me but it wasnt her place to ask people to leave

OP posts:

Luredbyapomegranate · 04/06/2022 23:10

Well your husband should have asked them to leave by the sound of it.

I would just say that she was looking out for you, you were exhausted, and everyone will understand (they will). He feels bad because he didn’t call it I assume, no need to pander to him, it’s not a big deal.

PutinIsAWarCriminal · 04/06/2022 23:10

I like the sound of your mum, she is looking out for you. On what planet did your dh's relatives think it was okay to stay for 6 hours for a 3 yo's birthday party, being hosted by a shattered pregnant woman? She stepped in where your dh should have. He is annoyed because he is embarrassed.

Tee20x · 04/06/2022 23:11

I can see how this would be awkward but I think a lot of it depends on a few things. Did you want them to leave but were being too polite? If so I would just be honest with them say something like sorry about my mum, I'm pregnant & knackered. Also depends on your relationship with DH family and friends - with my family for instance we are quite open so I'd have no issue with telling people I'm tired and to bugger off home!!

Perhaps just tell your mum you appreciate the sentiment but she went a bit overboard. Tell DH what you've said here. I'm sure he'll get over it.

Triffid1 · 04/06/2022 23:51

Well, she did overstep the mark, yes and a more appropriate response might have been to suggest coming in/upstairs with you to help get DD to bed, leaving DH to look after his remaining guests. But I'm not sure it's something that DH should be so livid about?

Or was it a situation where you didn't feel you could leave them to it because then your DH would have been furious? In which case, there's probably more going on here than is obvious from your OP.

HundredMilesAnHour · 04/06/2022 23:54

I don't think your DM overstepped at all. Good job she stepped in as your DH let you down badly. He should be ashamed of himself.

Icepinkeskimo · 04/06/2022 23:55

Your mum is your mum and has your best interests at heart. What was your husband doing in regards to helping out?

Alb0 · 05/06/2022 00:28

It wasn't her place to do it, but she had no choice but to step up and do it, since your lazy arse worthless 'DH' wasn't looking out for your best interests, was he?

Our mums have given birth and they know the deal from experience, how much pregnancy takes out of you. Sorry but you sound quite bratty and ungrateful. You should be grateful you have such a good mum (who most definitely 100% did NOT overstep the mark this time) and feel bad you're tied to a deadbeat loser via pregnancy. Ditch the loser 'D'H, keep your mother.

Alb0 · 05/06/2022 00:30

Actually your DM understepped the mark. She should heave verbally ripped that worthless thing you married to apart. Really gave him a good dressing down and made him feel bad for not giving a shit about you. So, actually, she understepped the mark. But, at least she stepped at all. That thing you made the mistake of marrying wasn't going to do it.

Alb0 · 05/06/2022 00:33

Go and give your mum and big long hug and kiss. And thank her for having your back. It's the least you can do.

Parkperson00 · 05/06/2022 00:46

It was not tactful of your mother. How would you feel if your husband told your family and your mother to go home without consulting you?
Presumably it is his house and his daughter too?
I can see why she did it but imagine your MIL interfering like that in your home. Perhaps your mother and you see your husband as an outsider in the family unit?
This is a thread to refer to when posters complain about MILs and boundaries.

TreatTrimTame · 05/06/2022 01:15

I think your DM had your best interests at heart but its not her place. As others have said imagine if your MIL told your family to leave in front of you. I think if your DH was happy to host his family and not ask them to leave then its perfectly fine for you to explain your DD is tired and so are you, excuse yourselves and go off to bed. Your DM sounds like she would have helped you with DD and DH could have continued to enjoy the party with his family. Or have explained you were tired and asked DH to sort DD but still excused yourself and left. Theyre supposed to be your family too so im sure they would understand.

Aquamarine1029 · 05/06/2022 01:23

Your mother had absolutely no right to do what she did, and it's madness that anyone thinks she did. If she were concerned about you, she could have had a private word with your husband. Instead, she unilaterally decided to be the gate keeper at your home, and tell your guests, your husband's family and friends, to leave. She spectacularly overstepped the mark and she owes your husband an apology.

You also bear some responsibility in all this. You should have gone to your husband and told him how exhausted you were and that you needed the party to be over.

Joolsin · 05/06/2022 02:05

Your Mum saw what needed to be done and did it, since no-one else had any sense. Presumably she was tactful when asking the guests to leave? If she swore at them and physically turfed them out the door, that would be an overstep!

RedPlumbob · 05/06/2022 02:14

Your DH, his family and friends overstepped the mark, not your DM. She stuck up for her heavily pregnant, knackered DD and overtired DGD.

Stop being such a walkover that your Mum has to do this shit for you.

ElenaSt · 05/06/2022 02:52

The way you worded it and your behaviour (looking tired out) was a strong indication to your lovely mum for her to suggest that the guests leave.

That on top of seeing your husband not remotely bothered that you were exhausted.

Top marks for mum and zero for uncaring husband.

1mumm · 05/06/2022 03:20

I'd be shocked if my MIL asked MY family to leave MY home during a family event I was hosting.

Totally galling. She should have approached the spouse before brass necking it in front of guests she's not related to. Does she have maladaptive social issues? Bizarre

BirdWatch · 05/06/2022 03:31

Your mother meant to be helpful but she was out of line and needs to be told so.

MoodyTwo · 05/06/2022 10:53

I don't think your mum overstepped, you DH should have done that for you!

Dominuse · 05/06/2022 10:55

PutinIsAWarCriminal · 04/06/2022 23:10

This don’t be embarrassed- your DH should be and his relatives

Tomatoblush · 05/06/2022 12:48

Your mum was out of order. If my mother in law asked my family members to leave my home I’d be furious.

TeeBee · 05/06/2022 12:59

Why hadn't your husband chivvied them out? You're pregnant and tired. Shame your mum had to step in.

Hoppinggreen · 05/06/2022 13:00

If your H was more sensitive to your needs your Mum wouldn’t have needed to get involved at all

RubbishRobotFromTheDawnOfTime · 05/06/2022 13:06

Your mum was out of order. If my mother in law asked my family members to leave my home I’d be furious.

It’s highly unlikely you would be relying on your unwell husband to host your family and look after your child while you enjoyed the party. However if this situation did arise your MIL would be totally reasonable to step in on her son’s behalf when his wife wasn’t.

gamerchick · 05/06/2022 13:08

Well your mother was still there herself, so I can see why he was annoyed. It's not up to you to smooth things over though.

PeekabooAtTheZoo · 05/06/2022 13:08

Your mum sounds awesome and you should keep her on-side. If she's as open as you say, she shouldn't mind if you say "mum I really appreciate you looking out for me but it wasn't the best way to end a social gathering."
Or is there something going on beneath the surface?

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