Anyone in their 40s HAPPYLY embracing single life?

[Hanswurst]

Currently in the process of separating from STBXH of 20 years and have 3 DCs, so I totally get that this might influence my current mood.
In addition, STBXH is a high functioning alcoholic and incredibly selfish to boot, so again, this may taint my current perception.
But: While I am incredibly heartbroken at times, part of me can not wait to be single! I honestly intend to never, ever live with another adult again, and I can’t even see myself in a meaningful relationship again either, so it’s not about that.
I just can’t wait to make my own choices! To live how I want! To chose my own furniture, to chose to have my cat in bed with me, to spend my Sunday mornings drinking coffee and reading the papers in bed on my own… I can’t wait!
However - part of me is really terrified that once that time comes I will just be feeling sad and lonely.
So I guess that’s why I’m posting this!
Please tell me about your happily single life in your 40s (or older!)

Meeeeeee

Was with exH 20+ years. If you wrote a list of what a husband shouldn't do he would probably tick 99% of it. Lockdown was very very shit and I instigated the split just over a year ago.

Kids are teenagers and it has been hard on them, more to do with disruption of moving house/change of lifestyle than missing their dad though.

It should be hard being the sole parent, except it turns out I already was. Now I get to live without ex sucking the joy out of everything positive. Its fucking LOVELY I tell you. Tonight I walked the dog through woods and fields during sunset and felt so free. Honestly you won't look back. Good luck xxx

Thank you CrabBucket! That is EXACTLY what I feel my single life will be like! I can not wait to never bow down to the demands of another man in my every-day life ever again! That feeling of freedom you describe is exactly what I am looking forward to!

I don't think it has to be so binary though. It's possible to feel free & make your own choices and also have a relationship.

In my case, I haven't had a relationship since my separation nearly 9 years ago. I feel sad to think about that, but it was a highly abusive relationship and the abuse has extended beyond the relationship; I had 3 very small DC at the time of the split and I was in no position practically or emotionally to have a relationship.

I still hope that as they get older & my ex ability to control me / matters diminishes, that a relationship is a possibility for me.

I can't ever imagine living with someone again though.

I have been separated for almost a year. Relationship had been over for a lot longer. My husband is also a functioning alcoholic and was verbally abusive. I love not having to worry about what he's going to say to me, how drunk he'll be each night, how much sleep I'll get, the list goes on. He's actually far more involved with the children aged 10 and 11 since we've split. So for their sakes it has worked out too.

I was actually frightened of him so not living in fear is absolutely wonderful.

I have no desire for a relationship yet, although could do with some hot sex 😅 being single is fabulous right now.

Just remember: a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle 😍

Yes me! Mid 40s, single Mum to an 11 year old. Love being single, I'd be happy to have dates but I genuinely don't think I'll ever live with anyone again, I like the freedom too much.

I hate these men that have made some of you think you can't have freedom and a relationship too. 😡😡😡

Me!
I'm 41, been single for 4 years, and wouldn't go back to a relationship if you paid me. I like being single. I still have a sex life, but I don't want to have anyone sharing my house, TV, bed every night. I don't want to have to consider anyone else when I'm making decisions, except my daughter. I do what I want.
I have had nice relationships and I've had a horrifically abusive one and I've had mediocre ones. I don't want anything at all now. I like my life exactly as it is and I really like not having to factor in what a man thinks. I don't hate men, for the record!

I'm 46 and have been divorced for nearly 6 years. Even when we first split and I had 3 small dc including a newborn it was infinitely easier doing it all on my own. I don't miss anything about my married life and i have no intention of ever living with another adult again, unless they are my dc obviously. The being able to laze in bed, choose my own furniture, not having to check in with another adult, for me, has been completely freeing. There are times, not often though when I get lonely but I felt more sad and lonely in my marriage. I honestly love my life with just me and my 3dc, it really is wonderful.

Teetering on my second divorce here. I dream about being single again, being a single mum after my first divorce was so much easier, I loved living on my own. Stupidly I married again, hoping to 'get it right'. I failed/am failing. My dh makes everything so much harder and ruins everything. I worry about the financial hit but I'm damn sure I'll be happier single again. I too have been ruined by crap men. I dream of weekends alone and with my teen while dh actually has to look after our shared child. Lie ins. Choosing my own stuff without compromise. Being able to leave the dishes/laundry/mess for a bit when I need a rest. Just having a small salad or bowl of cereal if I'm not particularly hungry. No arguing on holiday. Choosing what I want to do/watch/eat. Being able to look after just myself if I'm sick. Bliss. You're all selling it to me.

I'm split with my ExH for nine years. I've had a couple of lovely relationships since then but am currently single. I doubt I'll live with a man again (I've have serious boyfriends but never a live in partner). I love having someone but I like my own autonomy. My life is my own and I suit myself. I've traveled extensively alone and I have done up my house to my own standard. I'm answerable to no one. It's bliss. I will have another relationship at some point, but until then I'll continue to be happy alone.

Left x at 37, spent at least 8 years wondering/hoping to meet somebody. I got to about 45 and thought, nope, it's not worth it. If I did meet somebody now, it'd be a pain.

I’m 41, single 6 years, never married, no kids. I love my life and it would take a LOT for me to commit to someone again. Being able to do what you want when you want without the judging and complaining is so freeing.

I'm 44 and have been single 4.5 years. My exH seems convinced that am searching for happiness with another man. I absolutely am not! I do have small children, so the options for feeling true freedom are limited. 🤣

I cannot imagine ever living with another man. I'll admit to feeling lonely at times (If I'm not at work, no adult interaction) but have made som good friends and that's helped a lot.

I do quite miss sex. Sometimes.

46 here. I haven't had a serious relationship in over 10 years but have had a couple of short term dating periods. I remember how trapped I felt in my last long term relationship and use that as my motivation if ever I feel lonely which isn't very often. I don't care about sex and I'm relieved not to be pestered for it. I love sleeping alone, doing what I want and not having to think about another person. Dating gets harder as you get older and there's more risk of meeting a wrong un, or someone who is cheating. It's not worth disrupting my peace, freedom, financial security or psychological wellbeing for.

My Facebook memories tell me I split up from XH this weekend 10 years ago after 20 years together. I was terrified, mostly about money, I was in (and still am) in a foreign country, 2 young children aged 10 and 7.

I think I have had the best 10 years of my life. Don't get me wrong, being a lone parent with absolutely no support has been hard, but my DCs are amazing. One is in art school, the other just got accepted to the university and course he wants.

My XH made my life a misery, he criticised me constantly; my parenting, my capacity to earn money, my ability to keep the house and garden clean and tidy and he never, ever supported or helped me. If I had my hair cut, I was always asked how much did that cost? I was never allowed to buy new clothes and he took nearly all the money I earned because he needed it to survive while he worked all week in the UK.

I have had the best years without him, although to be honest, I do have the philosophy that a life well lived is the best revenge, which has probably motivated me. I have such a great life, brilliant friends, brilliant DCs, a job I love, I can now speak the language of the country where I've chosen to live, I get my hair done every 6-8 weeks (his voice does speak in my head every single time), I go on holiday. I cannot describe how much better my life is without that man in it.

I waited 6 years for a relationship and then began another relationship for four years, sadly that has just ended, but amicably, we just weren't right for each other. But the one thing I do know is, I never want to live with someone again. I'm happy for a couple of evenings together a week, and a couple of weekends a month, sex obviously, but I do not want a man in my life 24/7. I love my independence, I love being accountable to me and only me, life is good.

I’m just few years shy from being 40.
I’ve been single all my life.
It’s okey.
a
Sometimes it’s good, sometime’s lonely.

It hasn’t always been a choice, I really don’t want to have sex and never met anyone who feels the same.
So I am glad no one is pestering or forcing me to have sex with them, but if some nice person who didn’t want sex either or asexual would come my way and want a relationship, can’t lie - I’d jump at the opportunity.

But still better this way.
I read threads how partner has to push themselves to have sex or it isin’t a relationship and my body runs cold.
I couldn’t live like that.
So, my life isin’t the worst.

Mid 40s and honestly couldn't recommend it enough! I had three, almost back to back, long-term relationships from the age of 15 onwards as well as one year of being absolutely wild. After my last split I thought I'd just be single but have flings but now I can't even be arsed with flings. I'm not interested in getting to know any blokes, I don't care about their life stories and I have no intention of dealing with their baggage. I've been single by choice for 8 years and I absolutely love it. I never want or need a relationship again. When I read some of the stories on here I'm so thankful that I'm happy being single, I know some people can't ever get to grips with it. My biggest fear (which I can't EVER see happening) is getting feelings for someone because I don't want them! It would ruin the life I have now.

I'm just out of a 4.5yr relationship with a break of a year before that, and a 5yr relationship before that. So now I'm looking forward to being single for a while.

Realised how much worry a relationship is. It's a nice breath of fresh air to have nobody to worry about apart from myself.

And being in control too, I like that. I am not lonely. I like eating the food that suits me. I like staying out as long as I want to and not worrying about having to get home and get dinner sorted. And I like being a mature woman living a good life of no compromise.

I’m 45. Been divorced 6 years (after 19 years together) and have 3 children.
I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve felt lonely in the last 6 years. I love being able to do all the things you mentioned and I am so enjoying my single life. It’s so lovely having my own space, exactly as I choose it to be. I will never have a man living with ne again!

Similar situation to you. About to turn 40 and divorcing h. I can't stop thinking about all the lovely things I'll be able to do once he's gone. The only thing I've worried about is being a single parent to 2 small dcs but I'm doing it all on my own anyway. I don't want to live with anyone else ever again. Apart from dc of course. I've got lovely friends and am very outgoing so don't think I'll be lonely. I'll be able to invite my family over to stay whenever I want (they live abroad) and I'll be able to visit them as much as I want. No more cleaning up after another adult who clearly thinks cleaning is beneath him, having my own furniture, having my house the way I want it, doing what I want to do. Being able to center my weekends with the kids around the kids and not the pub (h also a functioning alcoholic)... there are so many things...I can't bloody wait.

I’m 43 and have been divorced for 8 years. I love being single and not being answerable to anyone. I have a fwb so still have a healthy sex life but I’d never live with anyone again.

I did used to get lonely sometimes in the early days when the kids were with their dad but I’ve plenty of hobbies now and see my friends or just enjoy my company at home.

I’m 42 and I am a committed singleton. I’ve had a great relationship in the past, a few ‘good enough’ ones and a horrifically abusive one. The shush eye one wasn’t my last, I’ve had relationships since then. But I am very certain that I will never be in a committed relationship again. I have gentleman callers to meet my sexual needs.

i can honestly say that I look at other couples and I never envy what they have or wish I had similar for myself, in fact I usually breathe a sigh of relief about my choice to remain single.

I'm 41, I split from my husband when I was 37 and vowed never to have a relationship again.
My marriage was so incredibly tough, it was emotionally abusive (which I didn't realise until I left) and he had numerous emotional affairs.

I love living on my own ( I have adult children, 1 at Uni so only with me sometimes), I love doing what I want to do, I don't mind housework when its my mess, if I'm skint it's due to me and not my spendaholic husband.

My evenings and weekends fly by, sometimes I'm out, sometimes I'm home, but I'm never bored or lonely.

I had lots of casual sex encounters when I was single, even some long term FWBs.
One of the FWBs is now my boyfriend but its really a relationship lite as we both have busy lives, we see each other 1 or 2 evenings a week,no weekends as he has his son every weekend (and a few nights in the week) and no plans to live together.

My number 1 reason for not living with anyone again is because I don't want to.
There are loads of others but actually they don't matter because the no 1 reason explains it enough.

I hope eventually my boyfriend and I will LAT (living apart together) properly but that's wsy off in the future as his son is only 11 abd I don't want to be a stepmum.

You will love living on your own and your time will be all your own. Good luck.

I'm mid 40s. Separated during lockdown. I fucking love it. I've had a few flings and one night stands with much younger men ,I don't miss being in a relationship at all. I was the single parent while being in the marriage anyway. I now have absolutely no interest in sex at all now so I think my ovaries are finally giving up. Men on the whole at the moment repulse me for some reason. I'm also in the process of completing redecorating my house the way I want it and replacing everything in it that he was to fucking tight fisted to part with money to buy new things. I'm especially excited to redo my bedroom and get a new bed and mattress that the useless fuckwit has never slept in. I'm also retraining which is something he would always put a block on . Enjoy it all op good luck.

45 here. Separated from xh 2009. Only ever lived with him. Not bothered too much with men since, have had a few short relationships. My priority has been bringing up my son. Own house, car, recently progressed in career, after staying stationary for years. Travelled, do what I want when I want. Yes, it can get lonely but its a hell of a lot lonliner in the wrong relationship. Can date when I want, dip in and out. Meet interesting people. You'll love it OP