How do you end a game of complaint tennis?

[CornishMade1]

Maybe complaint is an extreme description here but my DP counters literally every request with an example of something I do inadequately. As an example, yesterday my DP swept a pile of breadcrumbs onto the kitchen floor and I asked if he could sweep them into the bin instead. His response was ‘well can you not leave things in the sink’. Another time I asked him not to leave wet towels in the bed - his response was ‘you should keep the bedside table tidier’.

I've tried everything to end this constant volleying including taking his comments on board and fixing them but I’m now at a point where I can’t mention anything without a volley back. I personally don’t feel I’m a particularly lazy person - I work full time, do majority childcare for my DC as well as a huge amount for his DC who stay with us frequently and I genuinely try to do any of the requests he makes. This may seem minor but it’s making me become mute in my own home.
Has anyone else every experienced this and have any advice?

His own children are asking for mediation?

That is unbelievable.

They know well that they are in a dysfunctional family, with an emotionally abusive father.

Advise their mother to go the the GP with her children to seek support.

His ex should contact child services for support.

This is so unfair on those children.

8

What are you going to do in 10 years time when you realise your child has turned into a mini DP and talks to you in exactly the same way.

or when they entrer unhealthy relationships like this and stay as it’s what they’ve brought up in as ‘normal’.

Staying isn’t better for the child.

it’s just a comfort blanket for you and better the devil you know situation.

Sounds like this isn’t the only issue in your relationship and if you want to drag your child up in it and endure another 15 years of it than more fool you.

he can still have a relationship with his child if he wishes if you left.

but your child would be in an emotionally healthier home with a happier mother for the rest of their life.

Thank you, all for the advice. I agree I need to do some serious thinking about what’s best for my DC moving forward. I can’t bear the idea of not having my DC in my life every single day but maybe that’s just selfish on my part and isn’t the best option for my DC if it means keeping him in a challenging environment. A lot of food for thought. Thank you everyone - this has been comforting/eye opening and probably a bit of a sanity check.

@CornishMade1

I don't know if my technique is helpful because it sounds like there are significant problems with your relationship, whereas mine is basically okay.

I just say, "We can talk about that later if you want. This is about the breadcrumbs." Or even briefer (because his complaints against me usually ARE legitimate!) : "True. Not relevant."

Or even briefer (because his complaints against me usually ARE legitimate!) : "True. Not relevant."

You could start channeling Camille Vasquez and shout out 'Objection, relevance' every time, if he argues, shout 'Objection repetitive'
followed by 'Objection speculative'

You could also use 'Objection argumentative'

@LeavesOnTrees love this! It may sound extreme but I actually wonder if the shock factor is what is needed here. I love all these tips - thank you!

He is training you to shut your mouth and get on with the wife work. Leave.

He managed to leave a previous relationship (wonder why)

Why can't you leave this one?