He has moved on whilst I'm sat crying over him...

[kooll]

Pretty much that.
It's been 20 months since we split.
18 months he met someone and is now engaged and my life has not changed.
He has been abroad with her 4 times,multiple trips away in the Uk with her.
I've been nowhere.
I go out once every couple of months with my friend ...the rest of the time I'm home alone.
How pathetic is that
He has this fun new life and my life hasn't changed.

Block and tell your friends you don’t wAnt to know. You’re wasting your life .

I've tried to deactivate my SM then i cave after a day and start to check on him again.
He has my friends on his SM too so I would hear things from them too

Tell your friends you’re deleting SM and tell them why and ask them not to tell you anything as you are trying to move on.

We’ve all been in a similar situation.

I told myself I’d not contact my ex for 6 months, get in the best shape of my life and get a good job and then add him on SM so he can regret the things he had done.
I focused so much on working on myself that after a couple of months I didn’t care to reach out to him at all.
Almost 10 years later he still messages me and begs for me back.

Start slowly if you can’t cut him off in one go - only check his SM once a week, then do it EOW, then once a month etc.
You’ll find the less you check it, the happier you will become.

When you erase this man from your life, you will heal

It sounds like you want to change now. You seem to have realised you've felt rubbish for almost 2 yrs, hopeful that he'd have regrets but now you realise that he's not going to contact you.
Don't waste any more time.
Time to start taking the steps to create the life and future you want.
Find some social groups on meet-up.com, book a holiday with a group, book some time with your friends and family, start a course.
Get off social media or join sites that will inspire and energise you. The way you're using social media is sapping your energy and making you feel negative.

He has my friends on his SM too so I would hear things from them too

Tell them to shut the fuck up. Jesus. My friend’s ex has got engaged and is soon to be married. She doesn’t know this and never will. I won’t tell her and she has no other means of finding out. Ignorance is bliss, it really is.

Tbh I agree it’s not easy making friends as an adult it really isn’t but joining groups like meet up etc will at least keep you busy and get you out the house, might not make life long friends but it’s a distraction

Block block block OP it's stopping you moving on with your life. He was a nasty piece of work and will not have changed. Do you really think he is going to post the nasty shit he says to his new partner all over social media or do you think you're getting the instagram filtered version?

You can do better, there are no kids, he was a crap boyfriend and you only wasted a year with him. Seriously block the twat and tell your friends you don't want to hear about him ever again even if you beg.

Also please please don't post those schmaltzy generic facebook quotes about the one that got away or you shouldn't have let her go.

This! Tell them upfront you're blocking and deleting him and don't want them to tell you anything at all about him from now on.

If they don't respect that boundary then they're shit friends tbh.

My advice is not to have the goal of making the kind of close friends you have when you're younger. Friendships are different when you are older. Focus on finding acquaintances. For example, I am in a running group and a regular gym class. In the running group peiple will often suggest social things as a group that I go to and in the last year a few of the women in my gym class have separately swapped numbers with me and sometimes I will get a coffee after class with one of them and we text a little bit between classes. I'm happy with this because I'm introverted and if it builds into closer friendships that's fine but also no pressure for it to.

Try different things, you deserve to be happy and need to find that happiness without it being attached to a relationship.

@kooll remove him from social media

This may or may not help you but I believe I had this exact situation a long time ago and know how difficult it is to keep away from checking posts etc.

It gets better eventually - I met someone better (on online dating) been with him for 8 years first baby due in 3 weeks and the ex tried to add me a few months ago to which I happily declined !

A lot of people may not agree with online dating but it was a game changer for me.

Life rewards action. What's stopping you defriending him on Facebook, etc right now? Joining a data site today?

You need to set yourself some goals to get you out and about and at least keep you busy so checking social media isn't a constant temptation.

Don't focus on making new friends or finding a new boyfriend- they aren't necessarily easy goals to achieve and you could well become despondent. Focus on doing things that interest you and other things may well develop.

If it were me, I'd look for exercise classes, maybe learn something new for fun, go on an organised holiday, preferably for singles etc. Maybe reconnect with old friends and acquaintances you haven't seen for a while. Decide to lose weight, run a marathon, start volunteering etc. Start small and see how it goes. You'll never feel better sitting at home feeling sorry for yourself, and resenting your ex.

Go on an activity holiday where you will meet new people and meet new friends. It will cheer you up immensely.

Its probably all for show.

My ex got a local newspaper to run an article about how he met the woman he dumped me for and how they got married and so on. It was the only way I found out anything about him since we finished because I blocked him on everything. It was one of the most hilarious things I had ever read, only partly because the dates given showed quite clearly he had been cheating on the love of his life for at least a year with me, with both of us oblivious. The next year he was divorced. Theres been no further newspaper article on his next partner, sadly. I enjoyed the first one very much.

Your grieving. I don't know how much this man meant/means to you but when your heart is broken and you can see them moving on it's very difficult. It takes however long it takes. There's no time limit on grieving. But you can't stay in the past. Move forward. Think about how you want your future to be like, vision it and make it so. Get out there and see what the big wide world has to offer. You have a future in front of you and it can be whatever you want it to be. Exciting times!! Don't stay haunted by the past. Love yourself and all the adventures to come! 💐

You had a brief relationship with this man, you were a couple for only a year. You then split up and he has now been your ex for almost twice as long as he was your boyfriend. He has moved on with his life, and that’s a perfectly normal, reasonable & healthy thing to do.

Now, you need to do the same. If you are not prepared to take ownership of your life and take the necessary action by blocking him & deleting him from everything and deactivating the social media accounts which are part of the problem, nothing is ever going to change. So what are you going to do?

You may just need to learn to be happy with your own company. People can be very disappointing - men or women. But no one should be or is responsible for someone else's happiness. A lot of people find dogs are the best company - better than many men anyway! Or cats?!

You're crying because you're keeping yourself in this situation. Unfriend him. Move on. You deserve better. Go have fun. Find yourself again!

Join a community or rock choir
Walking group
Parkrun volunteer
Go on a activity holiday

Get therapy if you cannot get yourself moving

He aint coming back
Start making your life about you

Ah pet. Sorry :-(
Delete him, block him, and then you can start to heal.

it sounds like your still hurting. The apology from him may come one day. By then it will be to late. You will have moved on that’s what happened to me anyway. It was bittersweet. But it took him 19 years. I look back and realise it was toxic and he would have kept hurting me. You can do this but delete him you don’t need to know x

Dear God op. Yoi are allowing this to suck your soul. Tonight you can change this. Delete him from all social media. Then delete them off your phone so you stop using them too. It's an absolutely tragic waste of your life to sit staring at them like this

Im sorry but I feel he is posting on purpose to piss you off as your still his friend hes trying to make you feel depressed and stressed and is giving you the impression though social that his life is awesome so you can sulk. Your doing exactly what he wants. Block and move on hes not worth it.

Maybe he’s just happy living his life.

Agree. All this “he’s doing it to get to you” isn’t helping the op. You’re encouraging her to look more she will like the fact he is “doing it for her” even if it’s upsetting her, it means he is still thinking of her in her mind. He is not doing it for her. He’s moved on it’s been 2 years he probably has no idea that the op is still obsessing over him in this way. Stop encouraging her.

I'm under no illusion that he moves on quick.
I don't think he is sat pining over me or anything stupid like that.
He was with me two weeks after breaking up with his GF before me.
I do know he mentioned previously he uses SM to wind people up.