He has moved on whilst I'm sat crying over him...

[kooll]

Pretty much that.
It's been 20 months since we split.
18 months he met someone and is now engaged and my life has not changed.
He has been abroad with her 4 times,multiple trips away in the Uk with her.
I've been nowhere.
I go out once every couple of months with my friend ...the rest of the time I'm home alone.
How pathetic is that
He has this fun new life and my life hasn't changed.

I really doubt he is “bigging up” his life for the ops benefits, it’s been 2 Years, not meaning to sound horrible but he probably doesn’t even think about her, time to move on... stop putting things in the ops head that he’s still thinking of her when he probably isn’t.

OP, I struggled to move on after my XH walked out with no warning, and it took me a very long time to deal with the loss and to grieve for the life that I thought we were going to have.

I highly recommend counselling. I had an awful lot of it, but eventually it helped me to deal with the mental health issues caused by the break up and to move on.

My daughter struggled for a long time as she was only 4 when he left and she wanted us back together as a family and it was never going to happen.

I said to her "you can't sit around ruining the life that you do have, wishing for a life that you will never have", the same advice that I had to apply to myself. (She has also had counselling to deal with issues caused by his sporadic contact with her).

You need to block him on all forms of social media so that you do not know what is going on in his life. You will only start to move on once you start to let go.

I am 10 years on, and I don't give it headspace now, but in the early years I was completely devastated and depressed so I know how you feel.

How long were you with him? I don't think it's healthy to be stalking his SM. It is clearly not doing your head any good so you need to delete him pronto!! Maybe it is all a show or maybe he has had a 'personality transplant'. A close relative of mine who I love dearly was a f8ck boy with many a girl until he meet his partner who he is 100% devoted to so he has had a "personality transplant". It's not like the girls he was with (for the most part) before were not as good but he didn't change his ways for them. He grew up and matured so some of it is to do with his partner some of it is to do with him being more mature

We were together over a year but had been friends for 4 years.
He is 40 this year so maybe he wanted to change his ways.

just stop picking the scab off. delete block move on.

In the kindest possible way, no this is not normal after 20 months lovely.
But that's OK! Today is a new day, there's already been some great advice here but I suspect you already know what you need to do....delete it. All of it. Facebook/Instagram/whatever block and delete.
Just imagine how delighted that twat would be to know you were feeling & living like this.
I'm pleased you're going away. Enjoy yourself and see your Spa break as a new beginning.
We're all routing for you!!
Now block and delete.

It took me over 6 months to move on from someone I dated for one month. So can understand it takes time sometimes! But definitely take the advice on here. If you don't see his social media, then you'll automatically think less of him. Equally if you get out and about and keep busy

You weren’t the issue but you weren’t his person and he clearly wasn’t happy with you. This happens and he’s found the person he’s meant to be with. Please block him and ignore him. You deserve to live your life.

Avoid social media

It doesn't mean he's going to spend the rest of his life with her- they may break up too.
But I'm sure you and him broke up for a good reason, if you tell yourself that a lot it will help

Stop torturing yourself, you’ve been obsessing over this man longer than you were together, it’s not normal. You won’t meet anyone unless you put yourself out there, your dream man won’t stumble into your living room!

Do you all think I'm pathetic to be like this after nearly 2 years?
It's not normal behaviour is it

That’s because you are still living it.

Usually people block each other so they’re not having to deal with it all of the time and it’s easier to move on.

Get off social media completely for the next few months.

Maybe he has decided he wants to be a different person and has decided to do that with this new woman.

But really step back. I was with a fella 5 years, when we broke up, it was 100% amicable + I broke up with him, I still had to delete him on SM and stop texting him. A clean break is usually the easiest and healthiest. You are only melting your own head

Make a plan. How do you want your life to be. Definitely unfriend if you can’t handle it right now. Or take a social media break. Join some classes, study, change job etc get your life back on track. He may have moved on quicker but use this time to discover who you are and what you want! Make new friends. Often the people posting everything aren’t the happy ones….

I was in a similar situation.

I felt he hid me away and yet he had this new woman all over Facebook. I tortured myself by looking all the time. The best thing I did was removing him as a friend.

I asked myself what she had that I didn't. What made her so special. Why wasn't I the one.

But it's not about being better or worse, having something or not. This wasn't a comparison. I just wasn't "that girl" for him, and that's okay. It really did hurt, but not as much as the pain of him continually messing me around did.

Remove him from all social media. You'll feel so much better.

You have no idea.
On FB his life looks marvellous. It always is on FB/IG. Nicely curated image of your life is that often has no bearing with the reality.

If he was cruel to you, he is more likely to be cruel to her too.
You don’t know how he is behaving, how happy or not she is, whether she is ‘settling’ because she is desperate for a child or is head over heels in love with him etc…

You are not pathetic. And there is nothing wrong with you as such. But to live your life like this doesn’t make you happy. So you need to change that.
Id start by blocking on FB/IG/whatever other SM you had.
And then go back to what you enjoy. What sort of hobbies you had, what do you like to do.
Go out if your comfort zone and do something different. Join a club linked to your interest. Plan a trip away on your own. Invite new people over or meet-up with them at pub.
You have choices. Everyday you can choose to stay at home, watch TV, go out, plan a party, a BBQ. Embrace that freedom.

Some people use SM to convey an image of what they want other people to think their life is like. A couple I know where the SM looked like a life to be envied had the most horrendous stuff going on in the background where the husband was a cheat and a liar and worse but you’d never know any of that from their SM.

Block, focus on what you want your life to be like and forget about them.

Oh dear
The first thing I do when someone hurts me is to removed all trace of them from sm and avoid them the best I can
Otherwise you are just torturing yourself

I love how people say "go and make new friends" as if there are a bunch of best mates just sitting around the corner waiting to click with you 🤣 it really isn't that easy!

I think in the back of my mind I thought he would regret how he treated me and apologise.
The fact he hasn't and just erased me from his memory hurts a lot.
I've tried to deactivate my SM then i cave after a day and start to check on him again.
He has my friends on his SM too so I would hear things from them too

@FuckingNoise exactly ! Where do you find these friends?it took me 33 years to find 4 decent friends.
It's easy to say go out and socialise more ..but not really possible by yourself.

I’d suggest something like Tinder/Bumble as a first step, not to go on dates or anything but just to make you see that there is life after him without anything scary or overwhelming!

For what it's worth I'm in pretty much the same boat as you. Always on my own. Once you're past the age of 12 and no longer swapping football stickers it really isn't simple to just find a loyal tribe of people who have the same hobbies, humour, outlook and whatever else a friendship is built on. Unhelpful crap x

... not really possible by yourself

Why? What is stopping you?

You'll never be truly happy if you depend on others 'making' you happy.

There are many things that you can do by yourself. Going to the theatre, concerts, exhibitions, Meetups*. Join a walking group, take an art or creative writing class......

(* Meetup is a great way to do all kinds of things and getting to meet people. At least 4 of my closest friends I met through going to Meetup events.)

The key is to make an effort to enjoy the intrinsic value of whatever it is you're doing. Instead of focusing on the fact that you're on your own and wondering what 'other people' (who don't even know you and don't care!) might be thinking.

Move on. Take control. He’s got a new life. You need to get one too