He has moved on whilst I'm sat crying over him...

[kooll]

Pretty much that.
It's been 20 months since we split.
18 months he met someone and is now engaged and my life has not changed.
He has been abroad with her 4 times,multiple trips away in the Uk with her.
I've been nowhere.
I go out once every couple of months with my friend ...the rest of the time I'm home alone.
How pathetic is that
He has this fun new life and my life hasn't changed.

This is so sad. You need to imagine the life you want and take steps to get it. It’s not going to have him in it but it can and will have beauty, fun, happiness, companionship, if you free yourself of looking back in mourning and start looking forwards.

Go block and delete him now, tell us you've done so and we can tell you it's the start of your new life moving forwards and leaving this relationship behind!

I am sorry you are in this predicament. You will remain this way if you dont block and start to move on. You cant live your life through him and his girlfriend anymore. Go get some therapy if you need to and go and start to enjoy life. If you dont block him and move on you will be posting about this in months and years to come as they marry, have kids etc etc. He is nothing to do with you now...please try to accept x

That's how I feel like.
I feel like my life is watching him and his new gf live a happy life.
I try and think of all the nasty things he did and it doesn't help.
I must look so pathetic as all I do is post quotes on fb
Sad and depressing
I don't know how to move on
I've had no dates
Haven't even spoke to another guy

He ended it cruelly

Get off Facebook entirely and start living your life. You're the only one who can make your life what you want it to be, and you've wasted enough tears on this twat.

Stop being this person.
You aren't happy. So something has to change! And something big, too. You need to go cold turkey. Delete social media all together if you can't delete just him.
At this point I'd be thinking pretty drastic changes needed... move abroad for example. You need to find your way, experience new things and live!

(Btw I once has my heart broken and moved to the other side of the country. It was a bit OTT and was worse before it got better but it did get better. Out of sight out of mind)

I get how hard this is OP - truly I do.

When someone has treated you badly, made you feel worthless and crushed your self esteem with their words and actions, it seems unfair that they should be able to move on without any problem. You question whether it was you, what you could have done more, are you broken - none of these are true. It might be that you simply weren't compatible, or it could be that he's just not a very nice person - possibly both.

I'm in exactly the same boat 8 months after splitting with my ex and he's in a relationship of around 4 months - he's moved in with her and her children, introduced my child to her & kids after 8 weeks, promoting how happy they are on social media and how they're free from their past abusive relationships and have each other now. Me and my ex do not get on (we were fine until he met her) and he treats me with absolute disdain and disrespect, and continues to treat me terribly in the limited interactions we do have.

I have good days and bad days. Some days I don't care, and am just grateful I'm no longer living with walking on eggshells and always being blamed for his bad moods. Other days I feel crushed, because it seems he is capable of being a good, decent person and an active parent after years of letting me deal with everything and it was just me that was the issue, not him.

He moved on so easy
The nasty person he was with me and the horrible way he spoke to me seems to have changed now and he's treating her so well. I
It makes me feel like I was the issue

@kooll

Do you feel able at all to block and delete him? And ideally seeing a mate this bank hol weekend who can enforce a tech ban to short circuit the obsession with looking at his socials? They can keep you busy and away from your phone / laptop looking at him.

Literally no good can come from looking at him now. At all.

You've spent a year and a half watching him move on instead of doing that yourself, that's time you'll never get back so please don't waste one more day.

Maybe some counselling could help you process this in a more structured and healthy way, weaning you off the compulsion to look at what he's doing?

Thankfully this Thursday /Friday I'm away on a spa trip with my friend till Saturday night so I'm really looking forward to that.
I think the WiFi isn't the best there so at least that will stop me looking

Give your phone to your mate to look after so you can't be tempted.

Do you all think I'm pathetic to be like this after nearly 2 years?
It's not normal behaviour is it

Gently, this isn't 'normal' OP, no. Not to the point of still watching everything he shares, all the time. It's something I think you could really benefit from discussing in counselling as you've hit a roadblock in your life that means you can't move on. And it sounds like you'll need some help to change that

I think your feelings are pretty normal. But nevertheless you should definitely not read his social media. It’s bullshit anyway. He will be treating her the exact same way as he treated you. You are better off without him.

If money isn't tight, can I suggest you join a group tour? I did some amazing ones with GAdventures in Africa and South America. In Asia I preferred Intro Travel. Asia was the cheaper option but I found the other two better for introverts. The last one I did was a safari in Kenya and Tanzania. It was a 10 day trip with one couple, one brother and sister and the rest were solo travellers from Europe, America and Australia (about 10 of us). We spent meals eating around a campfire and the days were spent looking out for animals. Rooms and tents were preallocated so no worries about being left out. For the final 3 days we went to the island of Zanzibar and although it was less activity based we still stayed as a group out of habit.

Normal to still be crying 2 years later? It really isn’t

I doubt he is worth crying over OP. The bastards never are x

If you were my daughter I would tell you with love in my tone of voice,
”You must go out to the world because the world won’t come to you!”
Have a think about a short course of counselling?
It’s like you’re going thru a bereavement and talking it out might help.
Block him because for sure he might be hoping he’s hit the spot with you & he’s gloating.
Small steps into your new future. You go gal!

Watching his life is keeping you stuck, make small positive changes to your life, it is very difficult moving on, I'm finding it hard too but now you know he isn't coming back, you have to think ahead and what's best for you.

How long were you together? It hurts like hell.

My last relationship ended when he told me he hated my dc and didn't want children. Within a year he was living with someone else and her child and expecting a baby.

The best thing I did was delete all our WhatsApps so I couldn't keep reading them. Then I blocked his number so he can't contact me. I'd already deleted my Facebook but I also deleted him on messenger.

Getting over him was hard. Lockdown didn't help. But you will get there. Things will get better. I promise.

it always seems like the nasty guys seem to get on well in life

Your issue is this. You have an external locus of control. You believe life happens to you. Rather than you making choices. If I'd sat at home sad when I broke up with my ex I'd still be there. I got on a plane on my own and travelled. I found things to do, I made new friends, I did different jobs (at one point three of them). I blocked the ex.

And eventually I met DH. But I also had fun and met new people.

Life doesn't happen to you. You make choices and some work out and some don't. When they don't you grieve then you brush yourself off and fake it until you make it. Just pretend to be social and OK until you are.

I don’t think it’s pathetic but it’s not healthy. You’re trapped in viewing your life through the skewed lens of this guys social media. It’s become a habit and a reason you’ve stayed stuck negatively comparing yourself to him and his imagined amazing life.

You can’t know from social media what goes on behind closed doors. Maybe he is happy and maybe he isn’t. Doesn’t change he was a dick to you and cruel at the end.

You need to draw the focus back to yourself and your life. Try and stay away from his social media as much as possible. If you can’t break the habit cold turkey try allowing yourself one look every week, then every two weeks and so on and each time you feel like looking go and do something nice for yourself that you enjoy.

It’s not normal. Not after nearly two years. Two months would be normal. But this, no.

It’s time to go cold turkey and stop looking at them. He may have been a cunt to you but he’s not actually done anything wrong to you since. Two months later he met her and 18 months down the line he’s proposed and they’re very happy.

It’s time to start having your own life and not revolving everything around a man who gives you no thought at all.

You might have been the issue. I don't mean that in a cruel way, but he obviously was no longer happy being with you, for him to end things. It doesn't mean anything is wrong with you. It could just be that you were no longer right for each other. You don't want to be with someone that doesn't want you do you?

Anyone who continued to follow their ex on social media would feel the same as you so you are completely normal!
He knows you are following him so could be bigging his life up !
Honestly the best thing you can do is unfollow him on all social media - it will make a massive difference! You might hear how he’s getting on from mutual friends but it’s nothing like seeing highlights of peoples lives on social media

Try it because you will feel so much better not knowing how he is getting on until you just don’t care, you can’t break away from the relationship until you do - you are almost stuck in limbo.
You can do it! And start living your life ! Even if that’s just sitting at home watching friends - that’s fine!