Help! I want my child’s dad back

[Laurax12]

Please don’t judge I do enough of this already.
myself and ex partner of 10 years split up last august. We didn’t have a relationship and both stopped trying for years. We didn’t even sleep in the same bed and hadn’t for years nor had sex for years. We had a good life though and the kids seemed happy enough. It wasn’t enough for me. I wanted more, I wanted cuddles kisses and all the relationships stuff I had missed out on for so long. I started speaking to someone and met up with him a few times and ended things with my now ex. The kids were devastated and still my son cries at times saying how much he misses his dad. Things have progressed fairy quick with the new guy I’m with now and iam pregnant. I fully know I want this baby but I’m starting to regret the relationship. Everything he does is grating on me. Even the sound of him eating! Iam starting to miss my ex and how settled life was with him here even though there wasn’t really anything between us. My ex knows I’m pregnant and said he would still come back and raise this baby like his own. My head is all over the place. I hate myself right now. Was you’re thoughts. Please be kind x

You're mourning for the life you wanted, not the life you had. It sounds like you barely had a relationship with your ex, you certainly don't sound like you were happy.

I'll try to be kind but if your new fella grates on you that much, why the fuck are you having a baby with him?

This. You should think carefully about whether having this baby is actually a good idea.

You may benefit from being on yoyr own for a while to work on yourself rather than rushing into another relationship.

Once upon a time we had a great life toy but then life got in the way. My ex was always working and on the weekend he would just want to 'chill' rather than spend time with us. Our son was diagnosed with autism and he slept in bed with me every night while ex slept in his bed.
I had a miscarriage 3 years ago and was a horrible time and never got over it I don't think so when I found out I was pregnant recently I was shocked as wasn't planned but deep down knew I want this baby.
My ex is 49 I'm 35 so he's older and this new guy I'm with now is same age as me and I find him soooo immature. He's a great guy and bends over backwards for me so why isn't it enough?

Maybe you just need to be single and stop looking for happiness in men for a while, it might make things clearer. On a more light hearted note, did this guys every move annoy you before you were pregnant? I love my DH and always have but when pregnant he was the most annoying person I’d ever met, eating loud (he doesn’t, I was just being sensitive), breathing while asleep, talking most mornings 😅 hormones made me a cow. It went once the baby was born.

I dont think any strangers can tell you what to do but I think jumping your kids to a new man and back to their dad isn’t good for them, focus on facilitating access and helping them feel more settled were possible rather than worrying about being with anyone right now because if you go back and change your mind again it will be beyond unfair on your kids and will damage them.

Is this a name change fail?

Yeah I changed username I'm fairly new to this

In all honesty im struggling with how im really feeling or if it's hormonal.
This new guy still stayed with mum/dad and it shows! He's not the most house trained and it sets me of my mind. But god bless him he really tries and he is so sweet and thoughtful but the more nice he is to me the more of a bitch iam.
My heads super messed up right now.
My ex says he realises what he's lost and he wishes he had made an effort years ago. Hind sight is a wonderful thing though. And yes my biggest fear is going back there and it not working or things going back to how they used to be and then breaking up again. My kids wouldn't cope a second time around. Our son has taken it really sore out and still occasionally cries for his dad.

Also to add. A part of me feels so guilty. We built our home up together and fitted new kitchen/bathroom etc. and what does my ex have to show for it now. He's in temp accommodation and having to start from scratch.
I will always feel guilty for how I'm sitting right now compared to the situation he is on. This on its own makes me want to take him back.
Deep down I know it's not the right thing to do. I just don't know how to think or feel anymore

Why did your ex say he would come and raise this baby as his-does this mean you have discussed getting back together?

Perhaps neither are good for you OP. Sometimes things just don't work out.

@Lex345 yeah I had a moment of weakness a few weeks back and was speaking to him about arrangements for our son. It felt good chatting to him and I told him I missed him. He said he had missed me to. He has always been like my safety blanket and I missed chatting with someone who knows me inside out. I told him about being pregnant and I said suppose that's ruined any chance of us ever getting back together and he said no. He was shocked but said he loves me enough and misses me and the kids enough to support me baby or no baby.
After the phone call I thought what the hell am I doing! It's really messed my head up :(

Poor new guy! Your ex cannot raise your baby "as his", they are not his and they have a willing, decent father.

@aSofaNearYou yeah I know this. I'm just feeling a bit vulnerable right now.
A lot has happened in such a short time

I think you are subconsciously using the ex to get you out of this situation you find yourself.. it wont work its messy and wont be long before you fall into old habits and then what? Will you miss the new guy? .. imo break up with new guy and stay alone

You say you don't like him,yet your pregnant with his child,why would your ex raise child?and why would you even have that conversation? Baby has a father !

Maybe you need to break up with the new guy and be on your own for a while, not just jump back to your ex

@Itstimetoquit yeah I know baby has a dad. I would never not expect baby not to have a relationship with there dad.

@Mummytofour80 you are absolutely right, I know it's the wrong thing to do. I just feel like it would be an easy option for the kids sakes and for my ex as I know he desperately misses us. Also I do miss how settled life once was.
But yeah I know it's not the right thing to do.

Why have a baby with someone you don't even like? Then get your ex to raise the baby?

You need to just be single and sort your head out by the sounds of things. What about the baby your growing - what about their needs and wants?

Your children don't need more change. In less that a year you separated from their dad, started a new relationship, got pregnant, and now want to reverse it all.

Your children need stability. They need to be your focus.

So your ex shouldn't bring child up as there's,I feel for your new man,have you told him about the conversation with ex!

Well then how’s it going to work?

How long have you been with the new guy?

@lunar1 yeah i absolutely know this. I think I'm just getting ahead of myself. I'm a worrier and an over thinker. I've been finding myself wandering down memory lane and missing how things once used to be. The kids didn't have a care in the world and there's been so much change for them. When my son cries I just want to make it all better for him but I know deep down it would be a massive mistake. I feel really depressed right now with it all and feel like the worst mum in the world right now, even although I know they are my world and always come first. Still feel like a major car crash!

Officially since October x

I fell for him really hard he showed me all the love and affection in the world that I hadn't had for years with ex. He still does show me all the love in the world. These feelings of resentment have came on in the last couple months and I'm struggling to separate it from my true feelings towards him or hormones