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Original poster

Help! I want my child’s dad back

89 replies

Laurax12 · 29/05/2022 15:22

Please don’t judge I do enough of this already.
myself and ex partner of 10 years split up last august. We didn’t have a relationship and both stopped trying for years. We didn’t even sleep in the same bed and hadn’t for years nor had sex for years. We had a good life though and the kids seemed happy enough. It wasn’t enough for me. I wanted more, I wanted cuddles kisses and all the relationships stuff I had missed out on for so long. I started speaking to someone and met up with him a few times and ended things with my now ex. The kids were devastated and still my son cries at times saying how much he misses his dad. Things have progressed fairy quick with the new guy I’m with now and iam pregnant. I fully know I want this baby but I’m starting to regret the relationship. Everything he does is grating on me. Even the sound of him eating! Iam starting to miss my ex and how settled life was with him here even though there wasn’t really anything between us. My ex knows I’m pregnant and said he would still come back and raise this baby like his own. My head is all over the place. I hate myself right now. Was you’re thoughts. Please be kind x

OP posts:
Spohn · 29/05/2022 16:49

Your name change means your posts aren’t highlighted as being the OP, so the thread is not easy to follow, but this all sounds chaotic and there’s no need for it. The kids dragged in to this drama need prioritised, not the blokes, or agonising over blokes.

wellhelloitsme · 29/05/2022 16:51

Spohn · 29/05/2022 16:49

Your name change means your posts aren’t highlighted as being the OP, so the thread is not easy to follow, but this all sounds chaotic and there’s no need for it. The kids dragged in to this drama need prioritised, not the blokes, or agonising over blokes.

This, really.

user12312 · 29/05/2022 16:51

@Spohn yeah I get that and I know this. Life isn't always black and white though

wellhelloitsme · 29/05/2022 16:53

user12312 · 29/05/2022 16:51

@Spohn yeah I get that and I know this. Life isn't always black and white though

You do have some black and white decisions to make though.

Dump your current boyfriend or not?

Get back together with your ex or not?

Continue with pregnancy or not?

user12312 · 29/05/2022 16:54

@Spohn just to add my kids are my world and I always put them before anyone or anything.
That's not what this is about. Please be kind you don't know the ins and outs. I was only looking for some words of wisdom

MarmaladeLime · 29/05/2022 16:54

New guy might not appreciate someone else coming in and playing dad to his child! Old guy needs to be set free to find someone who respects him.

wellhelloitsme · 29/05/2022 16:55

Does your current boyfriend live with you?

MarmaladeLime · 29/05/2022 16:55

wellhelloitsme · 29/05/2022 16:53

You do have some black and white decisions to make though.

Dump your current boyfriend or not?

Get back together with your ex or not?

Continue with pregnancy or not?

Show quote history

Yes. I would treat these as 3 seperate decisions too.

GrazingSheep · 29/05/2022 16:56

Your poor kids.
This is all kinds of messed up situation for them.

user12312 · 29/05/2022 16:57

@wellhelloitsme I absolutely 100 percent will be continuing with my pregnancy. I had a late miscarriage a few years back and I've carried it with me since.
Yeah i know getting back with the ex isn't the right thing to do. My head is all over the place and I'm just thinking out of impulse

user12312 · 29/05/2022 16:57

@wellhelloitsme yeah he has moved in

IheartJKRowling · 29/05/2022 16:58

You can't just raise the new baby with your ex. Your new partner is the babies father and he may want as much as 50/50 custody with his child.

You are choosing to have a child with him you can't just say "I've changed my mind about you and my ex wants to play Daddy so get lost". Poor bloke and poor baby.

Cool Cathy · 29/05/2022 17:00

Congratulations on being pregnant!
Perhaps you're feeling agitated due to pregnancy hormones?

user12312 · 29/05/2022 17:00

GrazingSheep · 29/05/2022 16:56

Your poor kids.
This is all kinds of messed up situation for them.

My poor kids? How many times have I reiterated on this post how much of a crap mum I feel right now? I understand and know how messed up this situation is. I didn't plan on ending up in this situation. It's happened and it's life. Not everyone's life is picture perfect.

user12312 · 29/05/2022 17:02

Cool Cathy · 29/05/2022 17:00

Congratulations on being pregnant!
Perhaps you're feeling agitated due to pregnancy hormones?

Thank you. It very well may be this. I just feel so alone with my thoughts. My head isn't a nice place to be right now :(

user12312 · 29/05/2022 17:03

IheartJKRowling · 29/05/2022 16:58

You can't just raise the new baby with your ex. Your new partner is the babies father and he may want as much as 50/50 custody with his child.

You are choosing to have a child with him you can't just say "I've changed my mind about you and my ex wants to play Daddy so get lost". Poor bloke and poor baby.

Yeah it's not really like that though. Thanks for you're kind words

MarmaladeLime · 29/05/2022 17:04

I mean if he's not the one for you you might be best asking him to move out and live separately. Then you can be single with all your kids seeing their dads. They don't have to coordinate their visits though so don't assume they'll agree to have them the same weekends.

MarmaladeLime · 29/05/2022 17:05

Might be best so you can heal, sounds like you e had a stressful time x

user12312 · 29/05/2022 17:08

MarmaladeLime · 29/05/2022 17:04

I mean if he's not the one for you you might be best asking him to move out and live separately. Then you can be single with all your kids seeing their dads. They don't have to coordinate their visits though so don't assume they'll agree to have them the same weekends.

Yeah could be something I need to look at. As for coordinating the weekends with kids dads etc that doesn't matter to me. I prefer having my kids on weekends so we can do stuff together. Days out etc. I don't need weekends to myself. My son has autism so free weekends aren't a priority for me

user12312 · 29/05/2022 17:10

MarmaladeLime · 29/05/2022 17:05

Might be best so you can heal, sounds like you e had a stressful time x

Yeah absolutely. To be honest it's not a situation I ever thought I would end up in. The last year has been difficult for us all especially the kids :(

AubadeIsIt · 29/05/2022 17:13

Why is your son crying about his dad, does he not see him? He could have a great relationship with his dad without you going back to him, it's two totally separate issues. Sounds like nostalgia more than anything

user12312 · 29/05/2022 17:18

AubadeIsIt · 29/05/2022 17:13

Why is your son crying about his dad, does he not see him? He could have a great relationship with his dad without you going back to him, it's two totally separate issues. Sounds like nostalgia more than anything

My son has autism and really struggles with change. He has always been really close to his dad. His dad comes for him every Saturday and takes him swimming etc. he still cries as he misses him being here every day. Don't get me wrong he doesn't cry as much. It's getting better with time. Everything in our home reminds him of his dad being here he says

lunar1 · 29/05/2022 17:31

Please get that man out of your house. Your children were living with their dad less than a year ago.

It's unfair on them, they haven't been given time to adjust to anything.

wellhelloitsme · 29/05/2022 17:33

user12312 · 29/05/2022 16:57

@wellhelloitsme yeah he has moved in

You've been together eight months and he's already moved in and you're pregnant.

You need to really really start thinking about the kids first now.

This is all so much change for them so flip flopping back and forwards is the last thing they need.

You need to make a decision re your boyfriend, a decision re your ex and stick to it.

aSofaNearYou · 29/05/2022 17:42

lunar1 · 29/05/2022 17:31

Please get that man out of your house. Your children were living with their dad less than a year ago.

It's unfair on them, they haven't been given time to adjust to anything.

I don't think that's really fair given she plans on keeping his baby, there's another child to consider. It doesn't sound like he deserves to be called "that man", he sounds like a decent person unless I've missed something.

If she doesn't want to be with him that's one thing but I don't think she should leave him purely because it's an adjustment for her other kids.