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Original poster

Help! I want my child’s dad back

89 replies

Laurax12 · 29/05/2022 15:22

Please don’t judge I do enough of this already.
myself and ex partner of 10 years split up last august. We didn’t have a relationship and both stopped trying for years. We didn’t even sleep in the same bed and hadn’t for years nor had sex for years. We had a good life though and the kids seemed happy enough. It wasn’t enough for me. I wanted more, I wanted cuddles kisses and all the relationships stuff I had missed out on for so long. I started speaking to someone and met up with him a few times and ended things with my now ex. The kids were devastated and still my son cries at times saying how much he misses his dad. Things have progressed fairy quick with the new guy I’m with now and iam pregnant. I fully know I want this baby but I’m starting to regret the relationship. Everything he does is grating on me. Even the sound of him eating! Iam starting to miss my ex and how settled life was with him here even though there wasn’t really anything between us. My ex knows I’m pregnant and said he would still come back and raise this baby like his own. My head is all over the place. I hate myself right now. Was you’re thoughts. Please be kind x

OP posts:
suzyscat · 29/05/2022 18:54

You poor thing. You're getting some pretty judgey responses but you're pregnant and hormonal, and I'm guessing being pregnant has brought back lots of nesting feelings and memories of previous pregnancies, the different situation, the feelings, the hope. It's not surprising to crave the familiar. That doesn't necessarily mean you shouldn't go back either. Good luck with whatever you decide.

wellhelloitsme · 29/05/2022 18:59

lunar1 · 29/05/2022 18:44

I would be extremely worried about a man I'd known for such a short amount of time doting on my children.

Me too.

OP that's why you don't put your kids under the same roof as a man you've only been seeing a few months.

Because you don't know if I'm he's a decent guy or if his intentions are bad.

Sunnygirl1 · 29/05/2022 19:01

What were the positives about your life with your ex-husband compared to your current new man?

Why do you have stopped having sex with him and were sleeping in separate rooms?

But when you get back with your ex-husband, you would start missing sex, kisses & cuddles again and would want to go back to your new man for that or not this time?

Good luck with your pregnancy & your decision.

oakleaffy · 29/05/2022 19:16

Collecting children from different men is not a good idea, especially with such a very new 'Relationship'.
It all sounds a bit flakey.

ATadConfused · 29/05/2022 19:22

Some of you are plain nasty! You should go & get your kicks elsewhere,

@user12312

do you have anyone you can talk to? A friend you can be really honest with? Someone who can be honest with you.

you have said getting back with your Ex wouldn't be the right thing to do. And you're right, as much as it would make your son happy in the short term it wouldn't in the long run, because before long you'd be feeeling the way you did before. The 'stability & calmness' you're missing woukd soon turn back in to boredom & misery.

Rule your ex right out and concentrate on building the best fo
osrenting relationship you can't AND be very clear with him that is ALL there's ever going to be. Tell him you appreciate him offering to help you raise this baby and appreciate he understands in hindsight he didn't appreciate what he had either, but there's no going back.

I would tell 'new bloke' that he needs to grow up & fast. He's not living with his parents & he needs to be responsible & do stuff he's probably not done before (taking responsibility for shopping, cooking, housework etc) not having to be 'asked' or reminded.

remind him you have children, you're pregnant, you cannot cope with an adult toddler too. If he can't grow up fast, you'll have to get him to move out again, baby or not.

the ICK/finding them bloody annoying is not uncommon in pregnancy, I wouldn't end it with him right now.

it was very soon to move him in, but what's done is done and there is no point in getting him to move out again, you can't wind the clock back.

slow your mind down, learn to relax, Take care of yourself & your kids xx

winterchills · 29/05/2022 19:27

Why oh why have you gotten pregnant with this man as surely you were already feeling doubtful!

user12312 · 29/05/2022 19:32

ATadConfused · 29/05/2022 19:22

Some of you are plain nasty! You should go & get your kicks elsewhere,

@user12312

do you have anyone you can talk to? A friend you can be really honest with? Someone who can be honest with you.

you have said getting back with your Ex wouldn't be the right thing to do. And you're right, as much as it would make your son happy in the short term it wouldn't in the long run, because before long you'd be feeeling the way you did before. The 'stability & calmness' you're missing woukd soon turn back in to boredom & misery.

Rule your ex right out and concentrate on building the best fo
osrenting relationship you can't AND be very clear with him that is ALL there's ever going to be. Tell him you appreciate him offering to help you raise this baby and appreciate he understands in hindsight he didn't appreciate what he had either, but there's no going back.

I would tell 'new bloke' that he needs to grow up & fast. He's not living with his parents & he needs to be responsible & do stuff he's probably not done before (taking responsibility for shopping, cooking, housework etc) not having to be 'asked' or reminded.

remind him you have children, you're pregnant, you cannot cope with an adult toddler too. If he can't grow up fast, you'll have to get him to move out again, baby or not.

the ICK/finding them bloody annoying is not uncommon in pregnancy, I wouldn't end it with him right now.

it was very soon to move him in, but what's done is done and there is no point in getting him to move out again, you can't wind the clock back.

slow your mind down, learn to relax, Take care of yourself & your kids xx

Thank you so much 💗 the world needs more kindness!
After reading this comment I feel a bit lighter.

Regularmumnetter · 29/05/2022 19:33

Well seeing as this was so sudden in under a years time. I would say the honeymoon period everyone experiences at the start of any new relationship is now over and your seeing the reality of this relationship then again the getting annoyed about him chewing could just be pregnancy hormones. Definitely think it’s cruel to give the ex Husband hope that you may want him back if your not sure.

user12312 · 29/05/2022 19:34

winterchills · 29/05/2022 19:27

Why oh why have you gotten pregnant with this man as surely you were already feeling doubtful!

This pregnancy wasn't planned. However it has happened and I'm absolutely certain on continuing with the pregnancy.

user12312 · 29/05/2022 19:36

Regularmumnetter · 29/05/2022 19:33

Well seeing as this was so sudden in under a years time. I would say the honeymoon period everyone experiences at the start of any new relationship is now over and your seeing the reality of this relationship then again the getting annoyed about him chewing could just be pregnancy hormones. Definitely think it’s cruel to give the ex Husband hope that you may want him back if your not sure.

I have already spoken with ex again after this conversation and explained how my head is all over the place hormones etc. a lot has happened. As soon as I said it to him I instantly regretted it. I acted out of impulse and no it wasn't fair you're right about that. I have apologised and kept conversations to a minimum since

lunar1 · 29/05/2022 19:51

@user12312, unrelated men in the home can be a risk to children, you don't truly know him or the risk he may pose. It's odd that he wants to be so close to them.

At the very least, have you done a Claire's Law disclosure before you moved him in.

If you haven't done one, you really should.

They have already had so much disruption. This at least would be something you can do to help ensure their safety.

user12312 · 29/05/2022 19:59

lunar1 · 29/05/2022 19:51

@user12312, unrelated men in the home can be a risk to children, you don't truly know him or the risk he may pose. It's odd that he wants to be so close to them.

At the very least, have you done a Claire's Law disclosure before you moved him in.

If you haven't done one, you really should.

They have already had so much disruption. This at least would be something you can do to help ensure their safety.

I've known him for a long time. I know his full family. I have zero concerns here. Let's say I didn't know him fully to check someone up on Claire's law you need to have concerns over domestic violence. You can't just check up on someone for no apparent reason.

wellhelloitsme · 29/05/2022 20:02

My son has autism and really struggles with change.

I missed this before. It makes my heart hurt a bit.

OP this poor boy, he's had so so so much change to cope with in just a year.

Please do the right thing and make a firm decision as to whether you want to be with this guy or not (I personally think it sounds as if being single for the foreseeable is the most sensible choice) then stick to it.

They need stability and to be prioritised. Especially with a new one on the way in a matter of months, meaning yet another huge change for them.

user12312 · 29/05/2022 20:09

I agree with @ATadConfused here.
There's a lot of nasty vile comments that have been thrown at me on this post.

You often find these nasty ones aren't very happy in there own life's and can't help wonder if you are ok like deep down really ok? To throw hate comments to someone who is clearly very vulnerable and already at an all time low, struggling with mental health and newly pregnant it really says a lot about you as a person.

I can guarantee we all have skeletons in the closet as the saying goes. And honestly you're types are the worst. I reiterated in my post numerous times that iam very fragile right now and feeling extremely depressed. Some of you're comments could quite easily tip someone with mental health over the edge. And still you kept coming at me with the nasty hateful comments.

Wow. I have no words. I would rather be in a temporary s**t situation than be a nasty person with an ugly heart!

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