Husband wants more sex..I'm just too shattered! AIBU?

[GreenSippyCup77]

Title says it all really! My DH has complained that we don't have enough sex. I try to make sure we do it once a week, but more recently its more like once a fortnight. I understand where he's coming from as I'm embarrassed that this doesn't sound like much for a couple in their 30's. However I have zero libido at the moment as I'm just permanently exhausted! I'm a SAHM to our wonderful 17 month old DS who is currently going through quite a rough patch with sleep (think it's the dreaded molars). He's up 2-3 times a night and will only settle back to sleep on me, which can take 1-2 hours before he's back in his cot and I'm back in bed. I'm probably averaging 4-5 hours broken sleep a night which for someone who pre kids needed at least 8 hours a night, it's a killer! So understandably, sleep is very precious to me right now and sex is the last thing on my mind. DH just doesn't seem to understand this. Last night for example, I get back into bed at 4am, ready to make the most of the 2 hours before DS is up for the day. DH decides this is a good time to initiate some sexy time, then gets in a massive mood when I'm not up for it. He's still not really talking to me properly this evening! He seems to think it means I don't find him attractive or that I don't love him anymore which is far from the truth. I know in my head that our sex life will improve once DS starts sleeping a bit better again and I'm not so knackered, but I'm worried it's starting to affect our relationship now. Just wanted to get some opinions - AIBU? Should I be trying harder to fulfill my DH's needs at the expense of my own need for sleep? How can I explain to my DH without him getting the hump and taking it all so personally?

Why do you care about fulfilling his needs? He doesn't care about fulfilling your needs.

Tell him to do two nights Friday and Saturday with baby then u can sleep. I would 'reward' him with sex any day for a decent nights sleep.

I get what you mean, but even if it's as a 'reward,' I still don't think women should be having sex they don't want, for the man's pleasure.

Also it's him being rewarded for something which should be taken as a basic requirement- doing some degree of the stuff that's needed to look after a young child etc.

Misogynists are us. Of course it's the woman's fault for not putting out, nothing at all to do with the issue of a man not pulling his weight.

Perhaps if he did just that, and OP was in less of a permanent state of exhaustion, she might actually start to want it of her own accord. Sulking is the ultimate turn off, as is the attitude that when temporary blips happen, as they sometimes do in life, it's a woman's duty to 'endure' it for the sake of a man's needs if she doesn't want him to cheat.

For. Fuck's. Sake.

I'll say less here about what kind of person could derive pleasure from having sex that they know their partners don't want. But I swear the world (not MN alone by any means) has gone rapidly backwards. As recently as a decade ago attitudes like this would have been rightly laughed at as the antediluvian crap they are. Or maybe it's just that they were never simmering far below the surface, and social media has given carte blanche for these dinosaurs to find each other and peddle their sexism out loud.

All very depressing. OP, of course YANBU.

I fervently hope Anton has to go fuck himself, because no one else in their right mind would.

And she said she did the night wakings.

@AntonHeck

What a thoroughly nasty individual you are.

If you want to have an exclusive relationship, you have to be ready to give. Otherwise it's just a selfish demand that the OH goes without intimacy.

You must have sex with your husband whenever he wants it or he'll shag someone else. Doesn't matter if you're having it once a week. If he wants it more regularly it's your own fault he sleeps around. Really?

Well said.

@AntonHeck you clearly hate women but guess what... we've had a chat and we don't want you either!

Ah @AntonHeck has used 'radfem' and 'misandry'.

Off you pop back to your MRA / incel / redpill subreddit where you can talk about us woman-ing the wrong way (by expecting our partners to parent and not being willing to fuck on demand) and how hard done by men are if they have the misfortune to marry one of us pesky women who has the audacity to express her thoughts, feelings and opinions despite having a vagina.

The very nerve of us!

You absolute incel apologist.

I hope Mrs. Heck is imaginary. Otherwise poor poor woman.

@AntonHeck

I don't hate all women. At least not my wife. But perhaps that's because she's not a useless so and so who can't manage to raise a 1.5 year old and maintain a marriage at the same time.

Oh Anton, you don't realise how unlucky your wife is. She probably does though, bless her.

FYI OP's husband isn't 'raising a 1.5 year old and maintaining a marriage at the same time' either. He's not doing the childcare at all and he also isn't loving, honouring and cherishing his wife when he wants her to bang in the wee small hours after happily sleeping while she gets up and down to see to their shared child.

Not sure why you think out of work hours childcare and marriage maintenance fall to the woman. Unless you're a misogynist. Oh, wait...

But regarding you and me, the feeling is mutual. I'm not sure why you think I'd even want a man-hating Sahara prune.

😂

I love decent men. And I bloody love shagging my partner, thanks. You know why? Because he's not a cunt.

Have a calm down or go to Reddit to tell your incel pals how nasty us women are.

Imagine being an actual adult man and calling a woman a 'man hating Sahara prune' in a post online.

That insult 😂 along with "useless so and so".

I would be dryer than the fucking Sahara around you @AntonHeck - you aren't really a fair test of a woman's sex drive on account of being such a massive misogynist. And cringey too.

@AntonHeck why was it her raising the child and her maintaining the marriage?

Let me guess you have a really important job and can't possibly flex it to do any childcare

Who the fuck would feel sexy after never sleeping a full night and dealing with a demanding baby/ toddler all day?

Your dh is being massively unreasonable. He should try doing your job for a while. Bet his penis shrivels up with the exhaustion. 🙈

"Man hating so and so" has me DYING.

So Anton if you got injured or ill and it meant you were no longer able to perform you'd fully expect your wife to get it elsewhere? Since it's not reasonable to expect faithfulness to a partner who cant or won't have sex?

To be honest, I can't get enough of my DH. He is the best man I've ever met in my life (and I have grown up with a really excellent father and brothers so have high expectations lol). Thank God I don't need to worry about him "getting it elsewhere" if I got diagnosed with cancer or something and couldn't have sex while on chemo, or my job transferred me away for a while. How lucky I am that he said for better or for worse and meant it. So did I. We both try to be the best we can be for each other and funny enough, the sex is really really good when you both want it. If he treated me like a commodity, nuisance or appliance my fanny would indeed dry right up for him.

I don't feel like sex if I'm knackered. Your husband needs to do a bit of the night time parenting and then you'll maybe feel less tired and more up for it, but then he may not🤣

Maybe my vows were different, but I really don't recall the part about being willing and available for sex at any time, any place, or the deal re monogamy is off?

If the man is feeling so hard done by having sex a mere once a week, then as far as I would be concerned, it's up to him to say that he's going outside of the marriage and our vows, so I know he's a skanky ho-bloke, and that I need to protect myself both financially and physically - so no condom free fucks for you, my petulant little man friend!

This - if I don't get it, don't be surprised if I go elsewhere - is so manipulative and coercive. Especially when done to a woman with a small child, who is financially viable. I really don't understand any real good man viewing this with anything but revulsion.

vulnerable, not viable. And also, supposedly, the love of your life and the mother of your child, not a slot machine.

If he treated me like a commodity, nuisance or appliance my fanny would indeed dry right up for him.

This is a bit moot as you don't treat him that way to begin with.

Invariably the sequence of events goes thus:
*husband gets rejected multiple times, usually for no major reason
*he becomes upset and shows it
*cue posters writing how much of a turnoff his stroppiness is. Conveniently ignoring that the turnoff preceded the strop.

0usually for no major reason she's exhausted and not feeling up for sex. That's a pretty bit reason

Conveniently ignoring that the turnoff preceded the strop.

Um, you are conveniently missing the point - that it's not 'for no major reason'. The turnoff is before the strop. The stop is just another turnoff.

In this case she's turned off initially because she's fucking exhausted, he does sod all to help overnight with their shared kid and the time he chooses to try to shag her is 4am when she's had barely any sleep...

That wouldn't all be a turnoff for you?!

You don't think it's worth investigating why she's turned off and him doing something about it rather than being a turnoff then stropping he doesn't get transactional, reluctant sex from a woman he is supposed to love?

As I said upthread, do you know what kind of man wants to shag someone he knows isn't really into it and is just doing it because he wants to? Clue - it's not a nice man.

I wasn't talking about this specific case.