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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Looks like DD 26 is breaking up with her bf of 4 yrs. We're devastated, we love him

102 replies

booboo57 · 25/05/2022 16:44

Our only DD is with a lovely guy. Loyal, devoted, sensible and steady. She has been muttering that he is not much fun anymore on these few occasions we have chatted. Anyway all seems to have blown up over the weekend. She wants to come and stay for a few nights. Happy to do this and more than willing to comfort her etc etc.
However she seems to be longing for a time a few years back when she was out every night drinking and having fun.
I don't think she was having fun then and she was desperately trying to hide / runaway from her feelings.
I think it is because this has become a bit more serious and she is panicking.
Her bf, bless him and is devastated. He has moved up here to be with her and just got a great new job. No friends and family locally to support him.
They have just (feb) taken out a 1 year lease on a house which has been furnished by donations from our friends and families.
Its all such a mess. I'm picking her up at 6:30. Do I say anything. What do you wise mners advise.

OP posts:

C8H10N4O2 · 28/05/2022 15:44

You listen and support and keep out of it.

You may have him tagged as future SiL of the year but she plainly doesn't. You also don't know what goes on within the relationship, you only see the public face.

pixie5121 · 28/05/2022 18:54

Hrpuffnstuff1 · 28/05/2022 15:25

Nothing, however, I'm betting she hasn't just had an epiphany. Friends and family have been very supportive in settling them as a couple in a new home. Then boom it's all been dissolved.
Waste of emotional and physical effort on the part of everybody.

I certainly think at that age having the goal to be financially secure with a home is fundamental. Going out on the piss or faffing aimlessly with a relationship is a foolish endeavor.

Show quote history

So? Maybe living with him there made her realise they weren't as compatible as she thought.

Your attitude is exactly why so many women, including myself, waste time in shit relationships that are going nowhere - the sunk cost fallacy and the sense that you would be disappointing people if you split up. And ironically, working hard at the relationship I wasted my twenties is instead of cutting my losses and bailing is undoubtedly a large part of why I'm single now at 36. I felt at 26 it was going badly, stuck it out a few more years (people urging me to try, that nice men were rare to find, that the grass is always greener), during which time my mental health took more and more of a hammering, and then needed time out of dating to recover once I had finally left. I missed a huge chunk of my best dating years - late twenties to early thirties - when there were still plenty of eligible men, out of a misguided sense of loyalty.

Perhaps if I'd done what OP's daughter did and put myself first for once, I wouldn't be sitting here alone on a Saturday evening at nearly 37, sending messages on OLD and getting nothing back.

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