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Relationships

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Married lover

101 replies

TillyM1963 · 24/05/2022 12:02

I have been seeing a married man for 2.5 years. When I met him he told me his marriage was over a long time ago and he and his wife had not slept together for 5 years. 15 months ago I left my husband of 28 years for him and have been renting a house since. He told his wife 10 months ago that he had been seeing someone and he was leaving her. I think he expected his wife to break down and cry but she actually threw him out. (He is no saint, I know that, married 3 times and a confessed cheater). But he told me he loves me like he's never loved anyone before and wants to be with me. He lives with me at weekends and the odd day in the week. We spent Christmas and Easter at mine. Although his wife threw him out when he confessed to the affair, he went back to the marital home a couple of days later, his excuse was the property is jointly owed between them. He has delayed on the divorce (she started the proceedings) and neither has he sorted his finances out with her, neither has he given me a reason why not.
I did see a letter he had hid, from her solicitor. requesting yet again he gives financial disclosure. I also found a letter his wife had wrote to him, saying he has her blessing to leave the matrimonial home and set up home with me as she has had enough of his cheating, it wasn't a nasty letter, she wished him luck and hoped he had at last found the happiness he has been looking for the whole of their relationship (17 years, 10 of them married ones). So why will he not leave her and move in with me, am I wasting my time? Every time I ask him he clams up!

OP posts:
Miilkywhitemoonlight · 24/05/2022 12:44

If she hadn't thrown him out he would still be there

Hintofreality · 24/05/2022 12:44

There’s probably another woman, other than his wife and the other woman (you).

moose62 · 24/05/2022 12:45

Unfortunately you are not special or the 'one'. You are just the latest. Dump him.

Andromachehadabadday · 24/05/2022 12:45

I actually found this quite funny ‘why will the cheating twat I have been shagging behind his wife’s back not be upfront with me’

As though the answer isn’t… because he is a cheating lying twat.

But I expect your self esteem is so low you believed you were different. You were the one that could set him in the straight and narrow. The one he would be faithful for.

Why does it matter what he does? Both of you see commitments as nothing. He doesn’t even need to pretend to commit to you.

PaddingtonBearStareAgain · 24/05/2022 12:47

Cr3ateAUsername · 24/05/2022 12:30

Why do women insist on sleeping with married men then act shocked when things like this happen 😂

This x100 You actively chose to have an affair with a married man, whilst married yourself.

Pretty obvious if he has cheated brfore he probably will again, if he isn't already.

Lovemypeaceandquiet · 24/05/2022 12:49

So many stories like this, I’ve known at least two. The husband is always JUST about to leave his wife but … never does.

fortheloveofcheesecake · 24/05/2022 12:50

That was a bit sad to read actually OP.
Please raise your standards up off the floor...he wants an affair, not another wife. He'll be cheating on you within months.
What a bastard.

Andromachehadabadday · 24/05/2022 12:51

I missed the bit where you left your husband for him. Honestly, what were you thinking?

AlternativePerspective · 24/05/2022 12:57

Tbh, even the fact that he’d been married 3 times should ring alarm bells, affairs not withstanding.

”never loved anyone like this before” is such a line that all credibility is lost.

I don’t actually judge you per se. While you did get involved while you were married, you left your husband for him. It happens. Sometimes people are unhappy and meet someone else, and then they leave. Far better than continuing the affair behind your husband’s back.

But the instant he started messing around you should have walked away.

Your marriage is over and should be over regardless. People who are generally happy in their marriages don’t have the kind of affairs they leave for. However, even if you leave a partner for someone else you have no idea how the future is going to pan out.

I suspect you’re sticking with him because having left you have to prove that it was for the right reasons. But this is the sunk costs fallacy. You don’t have to stick with it.

He’s a game player. He’s cheated on his wife numerous times during their marriage. Chances are he cheated with her if he’s been married twice before that.

He will cheat on you as well. Is that what you want?

Walk away from him, be single for a while, and learn from this.

yourestandingonmyneck · 24/05/2022 13:02

Catch yourself on Hmm

altmember · 24/05/2022 13:04

Do they have children together? Maybe that's his reason for hanging about? You already know he's a cheat, so you can't be surprised that he's probably shagging you both on a rotation basis.

Dancer47 · 24/05/2022 13:04

You have made a terrible mistake, OP. I am guessing from your username that you are 58 years old? Has the menopause knocked you sideways? WTF - Do really think he is going to want to leave his wife for you? A 58 year old? He will ditch you and go for a much younger woman. Come on, OP - He is not a good man - Throw it back and get yourself sorted out! Even if you are 30, the same applies!

VWCV · 24/05/2022 13:08

Is this a reverse or your thread last year a reverse 😂

NewandNotImproved · 24/05/2022 13:13

😂😂😂
oh come on, who on earth would believe the drivel of a man like this.
Mortified for you. Thanks for the laugh though.

WhatIsThisPlease · 24/05/2022 13:14

Are you sure he's at the ex marital home when he's not with you?

He's more than likely cheating on you already.

Maytodecember · 24/05/2022 13:16

His initials aren’t CN are they? Sounds exactly like a bloke my friend was involved with. Strung her along for TEN years, lie after lie after lie.
And this man will do the same to you.

Aquamarine1029 · 24/05/2022 13:19

All I can gather is that your self-worth and self-respect must be on the floor to be with a man like this. He is making a total fool out of you.

knittingaddict · 24/05/2022 13:20

VWCV · 24/05/2022 13:08

Is this a reverse or your thread last year a reverse 😂

Well they can't both be true, can they? Which is it op, are you the wife or the lover?

FatPatsCat · 24/05/2022 13:21

HAHAHAHAHAHA

But what we have is different it's true love

😂😂😂

FinnRussell · 24/05/2022 13:21

You're old enough to have been married for 28 years and still this naïve?

Motnight · 24/05/2022 13:21

VWCV · 24/05/2022 13:08

Is this a reverse or your thread last year a reverse 😂

😂😂😂 VWCV has it spot on

Coachwork · 24/05/2022 13:22

In all seriousness, do you really need to ask? You two deserve each other but he clearly wants a wife and mistress. He only sees you in one of those roles.

kittensinthekitchen · 24/05/2022 13:22

VWCV · 24/05/2022 13:08

Is this a reverse or your thread last year a reverse 😂

Well spotted

www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4324368-serial-cheat

🙄

Astrabees · 24/05/2022 13:23

It is all about money, I expect, it usually is. I expect he doesn't want the house sold to pay her half, doesn't want his pension divided and probably his savings lost. As everyone else says for the time being he is able to preserve his assets and have his cake and eat it.

Andromachehadabadday · 24/05/2022 13:24

To be fair, if you are the wife and you are posting pretending to be her to get some insight, you aren’t quite the spectacular woman you described.

If you are the wife, try and move on. He is a dick. She is a dick. You can’t work out their behaviour or get to the bottom of it.

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