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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Married lover

101 replies

TillyM1963 · 24/05/2022 12:02

I have been seeing a married man for 2.5 years. When I met him he told me his marriage was over a long time ago and he and his wife had not slept together for 5 years. 15 months ago I left my husband of 28 years for him and have been renting a house since. He told his wife 10 months ago that he had been seeing someone and he was leaving her. I think he expected his wife to break down and cry but she actually threw him out. (He is no saint, I know that, married 3 times and a confessed cheater). But he told me he loves me like he's never loved anyone before and wants to be with me. He lives with me at weekends and the odd day in the week. We spent Christmas and Easter at mine. Although his wife threw him out when he confessed to the affair, he went back to the marital home a couple of days later, his excuse was the property is jointly owed between them. He has delayed on the divorce (she started the proceedings) and neither has he sorted his finances out with her, neither has he given me a reason why not.
I did see a letter he had hid, from her solicitor. requesting yet again he gives financial disclosure. I also found a letter his wife had wrote to him, saying he has her blessing to leave the matrimonial home and set up home with me as she has had enough of his cheating, it wasn't a nasty letter, she wished him luck and hoped he had at last found the happiness he has been looking for the whole of their relationship (17 years, 10 of them married ones). So why will he not leave her and move in with me, am I wasting my time? Every time I ask him he clams up!

OP posts:
TonyBlairsLover · 24/05/2022 13:25

Enjoy hell you filthy cheat 🤮

catandcoffee · 24/05/2022 13:25

Powerplant · 24/05/2022 12:43

This can’t be real…

The same exact thought in my mind..it can't be real... can it 🤔

Tryhard40 · 24/05/2022 13:25

You sound extremely delusional.

You've fallen for every cheating man's trick in the book. He's just not that into you I'm afraid.

His wife sounds ace!

cantbelieveheletmedown · 24/05/2022 13:27

You cleearly deserve each other and where is your pride?

kittensinthekitchen · 24/05/2022 13:29

Does anyone read threads before posting these days? Not even the last few posts? Or is everyone just so determined to give their completely original important point of view that they need to say what they want to say regardless of whether the OP has cancelled the cheque or not?

FatPatsCat · 24/05/2022 13:35

kittensinthekitchen · 24/05/2022 13:29

Does anyone read threads before posting these days? Not even the last few posts? Or is everyone just so determined to give their completely original important point of view that they need to say what they want to say regardless of whether the OP has cancelled the cheque or not?

Have I missed the OPs return?

kittensinthekitchen · 24/05/2022 13:37

FatPatsCat · 24/05/2022 13:35

Have I missed the OPs return?

Surely you'd know that if you read the thread?

butimjayigetaway · 24/05/2022 13:39

Because he wants the best of both worlds. He gets an ego boost from women thinking he loves them. He's a narcissist.

He's going to toy with you as long as you let him.

He has zero respect for you to be:

-staying with his wife
-not being open with you and hiding letters and reasons
-clamming up instead of communicating

However much longer you stay with him will be your voluntary waste of your time if you are looking to settle down. Not so much if you are enjoying the throws of passion - but expect nothing further than this.

Thekormachameleon · 24/05/2022 13:41

Have you spoken to a professional about why you have such low self esteem and lack of respect for Yourself ??

FinallyHere · 24/05/2022 13:43

But he told me he loves me like he's never loved anyone before and wants to be with me.

I'm very sorry to read that you are going through this. I'm afraid that there is a line in Nancy Mitford's the pursuit of love which is relevant here.

"Oh, Darling, they always do, every, every single time "

It's an issue of self esteem, people treat you they way you treat yourself. Is this really what you want for your life.

By all means leave your husband if it wasn't working out. Focus on yourself, build a good life for yourself that does not rely on any man. All the best.

headofpotsandpans · 24/05/2022 13:43

This is classic old school mumsnet trolling! Haven't seen one in a while. Ah, the nostalgia!

Cherry55 · 24/05/2022 13:46

There's one woman with their head screwed on and it's not the OP

EurovisionTragic · 24/05/2022 13:55

He’s upset because his wife didn’t react the way he wanted. She said, go on then, fuck off. She’s not even angry, she’s indifferent. I bet that I’m his sick head this is massively appealing to him. She doesn’t want him.

You reap what you sow OP. What an own goal. You’ve played a 50% role in the destruction of her marriage and the aftermath of this. Unfortunately you deserve this treatment. You can’t expect to dump on someone from a great height without consequences.

I’m quite impressed with his ex wife. When a lot of women get divorced, they thrive. She’s probably looking trim, fit and 10 years younger now she’s offloaded the massive arsehole.

Hallyup89 · 24/05/2022 13:57

Nobody could be this daft, surely?

scoobydoo1971 · 24/05/2022 13:59

I think you need to go back to maths class. You haven't looked into the probability that a 50-something man with a history of marriages and affairs will leave you in the future. But more crucially, you need to be able to work out how much he will cost you as a cocklodger. Maybe he thinks you are the love of his life as you have financial stability, and he won't moving forward. You cannot be stupid enough to think you can get a substantial mortgage as a 50-something, and if your lover has been through that many marriages then he probably doesn't have a lot of cash. So, it draws the question, who gets to pay for the house when you set up a love nest together? Think of your old age and your long term security. You are risking money on a cheating loser who might be entangled in many affairs and his divorce proceedings for years to come. He could start taking half the house proceeds to his next conquest in a few years from now.

DogsAndGin · 24/05/2022 14:07

🤣🤣🤣🤣 seriously?!

diamondpony80 · 24/05/2022 14:08

He’s been given every opportunity for the two of you to be together. He’s choosing not to be. Stop wasting your time.

TheGlitterati · 24/05/2022 14:09

You’re a moron.

KettrickenSmiled · 24/05/2022 14:11

But he told me he loves me like he's never loved anyone before and wants to be with me.

😂😂😂

Nice try OP. How old are you again?

EurovisionTragic · 24/05/2022 15:11

This is a reverse

JulyDreams · 24/05/2022 15:20

OP don't get involved with a married man.

onelittlefrog · 24/05/2022 15:24

The fact is you are dating a man who you know is not truthful and has questionable morals to say the least.

To ask 'Why will he not do X for me?' is quite foolish really.

He won't treat you any differently in the long run.

VWCV · 24/05/2022 15:38

According to OP she's been with him for 2.5 years so a bit late for your comment.

If you had read the whole thread you will see it's bullshit anyway.

Notmytiep · 24/05/2022 15:51

Is this real life? Surely it can't be.

NewandNotImproved · 24/05/2022 16:11

Reverses are trolling all the users who read the made up shite. Do you not have a job, OP?