Would you want to be told by an unknown person if your husband was cheating on you?

[Anonladyx]

It’s a very long story and can’t post too much on here without spilling out a lot of information, but would you want to know?

I'd want to know, but in order to do so you would need irrefutable evidence not just idle wittering.

Eh what? That’s batshit the person who knows isn’t the person putting the wife in “danger” what you on about?

Yes, and told properly with evidence. Not a wishy-washy hint.

I disagree with @Summersolargirl , cheating men can be aggressive, and would do it anonymously, and accusing a pp of being batshit is poor form

Yes, but only if they were very sure and there was the evidence to support it. I would be very grateful to that person to pointing that out.

Yes, I would absolutely want to know.

I don't know need you need 100% evidence as no one would have that.m
But enough to say he was with her (name or description) on this date, I saw them together in this town doing x.

Ie something that can be checked.
You can do it anonymously but still provide follow up details. An anon email account.

Just saying "he is cheating" is pointless.

You say the cheater could be dangerous. Ergo, if he is a danger to the person exposing his cheating, then he is likely a danger to his wife if she confronts him about his cheating.

So yes, if you do it anonymously to protect yourself then clearly you’re happy to put the wife at risk, even more so given you’re not going to be there to support her.

What evidence exactly and how would someone other than the ow be able to provide such a thing? Break into a hotel room and photograph them? Hack their phones?

What??

Are you iut your mind? The person who has to live with it is the cheater.

I would always always always tell another woman. Know her or not & it's a very rare thing that someone has "cast iron proof" only the cheating couple will have texts etc.
But I have been the wife at home being gaslit to fuck & put in physical danger (unprotected sex ) and trying to conceive & thinking (and being told) I was just paranoid & jealous.

Yes yes yes - tell.

I don't understand half of the responses on here whatsoever. - in fact I find it shocking.

That’s not right at all of course the person who tells has to live with the damage they might do as well as the cheater. If you get involved in someone’s marriage and cause damage then it’s on you too. There’s every possibility someone might never know, be happy to never know, and the affair end and the marriage to get back on track.

it’s shocking you’d think the person who gets involved in someone’s marriage like this bears no responsibility for the outcome of their actions. And the fact even though plenty of people have said they wouldn’t want to know your reaction is well fuck them.

it reads like because you had it happen to you you want to stick it to others so it happens to them too.

@Summersolargirl what a bizarre thing to say. Because it happened to me I want to stick it to others & have it happen to them too ??

Hmm let's break that down.

1. It didn't happen to me, as no one told me.

1. If a spouse is cheating then they are cheating. Not knowing doesn't mean it's not happening. Sticking your fingers in your ears & singing na na na na doesn't change the fact of your husband sticking his dick in someone else . It just means the wife doesn't know & can be lied to.

1. Someone who tells is not "causing the hurt or affair"

1. The ONLY person responsible for an affair is the married person having the affair.

1. The ONLY person hurting the ignorant spouse is their cheating partner

By it happened to you I clearly mean being cheated on. I suspect you know this.

and of course the person telling is causing damage, don’t be so silly as to pretend otherwise, and do respect when women in here say they don’t want to know,

you are yelling tell tell tell and totally invalidating anyones feelings who doesn’t wish to Know. The op asked would you want to know, you went one further and were all tell tell tell.

yes 100%

but do it in a way it is believable and not malicious

No... ignorance is bliss

@AlternativePerspective er. What the cheated on spouse decides to do with this info, alongside their knowledge of what the cheater is like...is up to them.

In my situation the woman I informed told the cheater who I was, and then turned on me herself. They did later seperate but not before the cheater went on a revenge campaign with support from the cheated on spouse. It does make me consider - whats the bloody point of telling someone?

The cheater sent me a long ranty message about how I had ruined the cheated on spouses life. How could i do that to such a nice woman. Blah blah. Amazing. I can hear the same sentiments echoing about this thread. As though the truth is the real poison and not the deceitful act. For those saying ignorance is bliss, im utterly baffled

Ignorance is bliss, but when you find out, it makes it all the worse.

If only the friend who had been behaving strangely around me had told me instead of avoiding me. They could have told me anonymously, and I probably wouldn't have really believed it, but if they had given some substance to the alleallegation I would have been more vigilant.

Instead, everyone knew apart from me

And then you get people telling folk to stop poking their nose in/causing trouble/keep their nose out/stop being spiteful/jealous/mind your own beeswax.

Once again @Summersolargirl

I don't understand your comments ? Really odd.
"I want to stick it to someone else & have it happen to them" and you got this because I said. Tell! Tell tell!

Hmmm.

How very odd.
The fact that i clearly firmly believe that the truth is infinitely preferable to ignorance - you have somehow twisted that into me wanting people o be cheated on.
Projecting much...

Again - the hurtful act is the affair - not the truth.

You are quite quite bizarre.

So you would be happy for everyone to mind their own business if you were being cheated on?

Rubbish. The cheater is the one causing the damage.

Are you an ostrich?

I'm just realistic. I know if I found out today my dh is cheating on me, my world would collapse. I can't express just how horrendous I'd feel. If I had the choice of that or never knowing and living happily in my little bubble, I'll take the latter.

No one knows why they are cheating. You don't know the wife so you have no idea about their relationship. Just leave well alone.
I'd really like to know why you would want to tell a stranger this anyway.

That's not realistic.

Yes.