Would you want to be told by an unknown person if your husband was cheating on you?

[Anonladyx]

It’s a very long story and can’t post too much on here without spilling out a lot of information, but would you want to know?

For research purposes, people say yes, but how many people would then deny, censor, dismiss, ect.

Then theirs statistics of people then try to blame the messenger if they know them.

It's a mix really.

Yes I absolutely would want to know. However, as others have said, you need to think about 'how' you share the info - you need to give enough detail/specifics for it to be credible and also delivered the message 'gently'.

Only if the person put their name to it. The fact I don’t know them would be irrelevant. If what you actually mean and have just phrased it incorrectly is would you want to know by anonymous letter, then the answer is no and I suspect the answers would be different if that’s what you mean. It leaves the person wondering who wrong it and if it’s true.

if you owned it, yes I’d want to know.

I would not be telling the wife of a colleague of mine ( regardless of whether I would want to know or not). There is a strong chance that it will end very badly for someone and that someone could be you.

no, not really. I'd rather strangers kept their noses out of my business.

How do you know op, and why do you want to tell? It’s seldom an act of sisterhood when you don’t know the woman, and will you own it if you tell?

Yes. I have wasted time trying to make a relationship work when the other person was out shagging.
I’ve also chosen to turn a blind eye where I felt no real damage was being done.

I’d want to know. I’d want to be given actual evidence though. No one wants to believe their partner is cheating. It would be a complete head fuck to get a message from a stranger with no proof.

Yes.

Yes, the idea of being the talk of someone’s work place or the poor sod who doesn’t know would be horrific. Would definitely want to know.

I would want to know but I would need evidence and something concrete rather than just a rumour.

Yes, definitely. I think it would be easier to hear from a stranger actually.

Yes I would want to know.

Caveat - I wouldn't want an anonymous "your husband is cheating" message and then follow up. If you're going to blow my whole world up, at least provide me with some info or enter into a dialogue.

If a friend knew and didn't tell me I could never be friends with them again. That happened to me when I was about 20, and I was devastated. Devastated for being dumped, devastated for being dumped for someone else, devastated that apparently everyone knew but me and kept it a secret. It was such a betrayal.

I would want to know

No.

Absolutely.

If it was true, and this person gave me the heads up to find evidence for myself, I’d be eternally grateful. Not interested in who messenger was but would need to know who OW was so I could fit the pieces together

Would also prefer a stranger to tell me, rather than someone I know. Would hate friends, family or even acquaintances knowing before I knew, and deciding whether or when to tell me or not. Would kind of feel like they had control of my life ifkwim.

That depends entirely on the method and content of delivery.

Unless the person who tells you is the ow, then it’s very unlikely anyone would ever be able to give you concrete proof. They won’t have access to their phone, or be following them and videoing them. As such, i think you mean no?

Yes, with all the juicy details!

I have received such a message, an anonymous Facebook message five years ago.

i believed it, and was glad to have my suspicions confirmed, in a weird way.

But I’m still plagued by not knowing who sent it. I wasted hours and hours trying to find out, and looked at everyone anxiously. It was all very distressing.

I’d much rather have known who’d sent it and what motive they had. But I’m glad whoever it was told me, even if it was the OW

I suspect she means anonymously, so you’d never know if it was friend or family and would always be wondering.

it’s a rare rare thing when someone wants to tell a stranger and own it. Generally that’s between very close friends,

usually when you want to tell someone anonymously there is something driving you to do so and it’s not sisterhood.

so what’s the deal op, did he dump you and move to someone else? Are you thr ow? Do you have a crush on him and are pissed he’s with someone else? Is he mean to you ar work?

Yes

How do you know op, and why do you want to tell? It’s seldom an act of sisterhood when you don’t know the woman,

@Summersolargirl I have done it when a random bloke chatted me up on FB (didn't know him in any way) and he had a girlfriend. She let him off at the time but I turned out to be right when I told her he was a substance abuser (I could tell just by looking at his pics) but she didn't believe me at the time. She messaged me again several months later thanking me and saying I was right and they had split up and he'd been very unpleasant. I had no reason to tell her except I thought she should know what he was doing rather than going out with a twat unknowingly.

and will you own it if you tell?

I don't think OP is under any obligation to land herself in the shit for letting another woman know she's with a duff guy.

@Anonladyx Stay anon. x

The people saying no, why not?
If he cheated you don't want to know?
It doesn't matter if the info isn't hand delivered on a rose scented letter... it's information YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR! It's horrific however it's put. There's a certain level of analysis required to ascertain whether it's the truth, for sure. But it's clear the Op knows, so a moot point in this instance.

Give me the info, I'll decide how I deal with it.

I agree. Only if you can provide irrefutable proof. And you know the person well enough that you are sure they'd want to know. Not everybody does.