Hi I’ve posted many times before, with various name changes, about my relationship. It’s getting me very down and anguished. I’m now I think in the early stages of menopause so coupled with DP cold, distant behaviour, it is a perfect storm with my hormones.
I feel so cut off from everything emotionally and physically, I’m so demoralised and empty. I do work full time, I look after DC with childcare, etc. I’ve not really tidied the house in weeks or felt like doing anything lately as my job is intense.
I’m so unhappy in my marriage, I feel like I can’t breathe, I just don’t want to exist. DP words do not match his actions. I feel
like when I come in a room, he leaves. He finds reasons to ensure I’m the one who should be grateful for his help as a ‘supportive husband’. I cannot argue with him as I find it draining nowadays, when I do blow up and fight back I’m told I’m the aggressor. Yes, he has picked up a lot of the slack while I’ve felt low, there is so sympathy at the moment, I just get silence or deep sighs. My lowness is probably due to his cold, calculating behaviour. He unbelievably expects me to support him about the unreasonable behaviour of his family. This support is not returned how I would like.
I’m struggling, I’ve begged for more passion and understanding but I’m faced with his resentment/ bitterness which sometimes makes me feel like I’m being told off like a child. I just want a DP who makes me feel wanted, loved and like a DW.
I am in therapy, I’m very scared to make the move to split as I haven’t got the energy to contest him, I would get nothing. The kids would hate me too. I just feel very stuck and low. I even considered going on an illicit affair website to see if I could connect with someone, but I could not face putting my details on there. I try to do social things and find hobbies but I lose interest.
We’ve just had a petty argument and I’ve had to go to the bedroom to get away. I don’t think I’ll ever feel energised or truly happy again. I just feel stuck for the next few years until I have more energy and the finances to leave. It’s hard sticking with him during this time, he says he’ll change but I never see or feel it. Empty words.
I know this is such a long post, I cannot discuss this numb weird feeling in RL, I’ve lent too much on the friends I talked about this too. Just feel like ending it all as I don’t think I can cope being in this situation. I’m so lonely and unhappy. Friday night should be more positive.