If your DP did this, what would you do next?

[Renag]

Me and DP are supposed to be going away in June. Since March he’s told me he will book the time off. I’ve not been able to book it off as once my holiday goes in, it’s fixed pretty much/very difficult for all involved to change it. DP knows this.

As it’s got closer to June, I’ve asked him every couple of days if he’s done it. We are meant to be staying at my parents holiday home and last weekend my mum asked if we’d need anything taking down - wetsuits etc. Again I said to DP have you booked it off? He said not yet but he thought it would be fine.

staying in this place in June means my family lose potentially 2k, which is what it would rent for if listed. They’d booked the week out for us so it was very awkward when DP said in front of them he hadn’t confirmed it yet. They didn’t say anything but I found it v rude and told him exactly that afterwards.

He assures me that he wants to go - I’ve told him I will go with friends if not, but I just need to know as it’s now close to the holiday.

He says he hasn’t had time and will do it….another weekend rolls by and he hasn’t! Also, who doesn’t have time to log in and put a holiday request through.

I genuinely don’t think it’s a case of him not wanting to go. - although obviously on one level you always consider that don’t you?! But I don’t think it is that, i think he gets hugely overwhelmed with work and to him that’s a big job or organise. But…my question is,., how do I manage this?!

Ive thought about not saying a word now and if he doesn’t book it, going on my own as I won’t have time to organise with anyone else, and letting that be a lesson in itself. But then it’s a shame to not have the holiday together?!

Are you sure he hasn't applied and had it rejected and has now dig himself into a hole by not telling you?

OP, I'm sorry, he doesn't want to go on holiday with you and he doesn't give a fuck about causing any inconvenience to your family, or you.

I understand your keenness to get this booked, but I know my husband was too busy at work to book some time off, and actually logged in from home out of work hours to do it, is that possible for your husband?

I'd work on going on your own or give your parents the option to let it (presumably they still could) v you going on your own.

I don't know what I would do tbh!

It's very kind of your parents to basically give you 2k out of their own pocket so you can have a holiday.

I would book my holiday and go on my own if your DH can't organise himself I think. No reason you should miss out. Hopefully he's right and he will be able to book it at short notice.

Book and go yourself or with friends and tell him it's done. He doesn't want to go.

I'd stop mentioning it and if he wasn't able to get the time off, I'd go on my own. I certainly wouldn't let his prevarication and disorganisation ruin my holiday

I would plan on going alone. You've chased his tail long enough, so stop asking him to get organised. For whatever reason he's stalling, don't let it curtail your plans.

I think he's tried to book it but it's been denied.
I think he's probably trying his best to swap and sort it someway so he doesn't have to admit it.

I'd book my time off and tell him if he hasn't booked his holidays by the end of today, I'm taking a friend. Then I wouldn't mention it again.
He's not overwhelmed or disorganised. He just doesn't care enough to book it. It's no coincidence he's creating a pressure point around a holiday. Holidays should be special happy events. He's stealing the sunshine and potentially creating an issue between you and your family, whether through laziness or malice. There's a few red flags there. But I'd have a nice holiday with my friend and then deal with the relationship issues.

I hate when ppl do this it's so annoying. I'd tell him your parents have had an enquiry about that week and you need to know by 5pm today or you will tell your parents to let it to someone else.
Or you book your holidays and go with other people .

Thanks for the responses.

I feel really sad as he’s not been to the place before - we’ve always gone to other places and it was quite a special thing for me to take him there… it’s a place I’ve been to all my life. That’s me being sentimental now but it feels shitty that we can’t even look forward or get excited about it as he’s not even booked it.

I am not sure I agree with people saying he just doesn’t want to go although I guess that could be true. It does seem to me to be an organisation problem that he has… the same thing arises with seeing his family who are 7 hours away - he never gets round to booking a Monday or Friday off, so months go by and he doesn’t seem them, then every so often he will be in floods of tears about it!!

Im exhausted by it. Think I’m going to plan to go alone.

You say he has an organisation problem. Is that just in his personal life? Or does he screw up like this at work too?

This happened to me with my DP. He kept saying he'd book time off and then there were excuses about why he hadn't. In the end I went on my own and then my parents joined me for a bit of company. It turned out to be a great holiday. I'm actually planning on taking my ds on holiday next year without my DP because I can't be bothered organising another adult!

Well is he at work now?

I’d ring or message right now “can you log in now and request the holiday please, I need to confirm with family by end of today that we are still going”

Rather than this casual “oh did you do X” - a direct request with a solid deadline.

Then ask him tonight “did you do book your leave” if he says no then tell him not to worry about it, you’ll invite friends instead

@MolliciousIntent no he’s not like that at work. He gets stressed about work and I think he just doesn’t know when is best to book etc. Sounds ridiculous when I write that!

the only reason I don’t think it’s just about not wanting to go with me is that he does the same thing with booking time to see his family and is very upset when it doesn’t happen.

I’d give him one more chance by literally texting and saying to do it now, while he is at work (or whenever he is next in) and if it doesn’t get done i’d tell him he’s missed his chance and you’re going alone (or if you can invite a friend or family even better).

@Googlecanthelpme i’ve tried that too! Tried the calling at work. Tried the ‘let’s sort holiday tonight on our laptops’ … tried everything!

He needs an ultimatum. Either book today or you're taking a friend. Ridiculous! He's clearly not bothered about going or it would be sorted. It's not a priority for him. Go with someone else.

Solid deadline is what you need

@GiveMyHeadPeaceffs honeslty I feel the same! I’d love him to come but I don’t need him there. I think it’s sad and ridiculous but I’m quite happy pottering about myself and even better with friends/family. I also find it so rude given i also have a job and am required to give some notice. Makes me mad just thinking about it all over again!!

Is he really that upset though about not seeing family? Because if he was he could book it. He’s not a child and it’s pretty weird he delays booking so he can see family and then gets upset. I’d be thinking that’s more crocodile tears to avoid seeing family - it’s pretty passive aggressive and the ‘upset’ ensures he doesn’t get questioned or challenged on why he has DELIBERATELY (as he is doing with booking time for this holiday) delayed and delayed until it’s too late to go.

Cancel the holiday and let your family know so they can get a customer for that week

Yes this. He misses it, you invite friends.

Honestly, I had a partner like this once - incapable of saying a straight no and king of passive aggressiveness. He’s put things off and put things off and then put would come the hangdog face and ‘i’m sorry i’m rubbish’ until I was reassuring him. Never had a problem doing the shit he wanted to do though when it came to trips or time off etc.