Ghosted

[Oscarbin]

Hello everyone

Been seeing someone about a year and a half. Wasn't the best relationship, was always put second best, to his friends.

Was ignored last week for a few days but he got in touch, texting was a bit hitty missy, but wasn't bothered.

Now I have been blocked on facebook, no messages answered, to be fair I haven't messages since Monday,

I have been completely ghosted by a 41 year old male. I probably know he has someone else, but god it hurts, my head is just thinking "wtf"

He once ghosted me for a few weeks but I was stupid enough to go back, but I was never blocked.

Has this happened to anyone before?

Nice answers only please?

Yeah rejection is horrible. Even when it’s someone who doesn’t even deserve us.

Ghosting is such a cop out. It really is. It’s barely tolerable in your 20s but by the time you get to your 40s it’s absolute nonsense.

Put it this way he’s an overgrown teenager with stunted emotional intelligence. He hasn’t even got the emotional capacity at 40 to send a quick closure message to someone he’s been dating a year.

That is not someone you should spend any time feeling gutted / sad over. Take it as a lesson on what you’re willing to accept in the future.

Have your pissed off / upset evening - wallow a little bit if needed but draw a line tonight and tomorrow start a fresh.

You dated, he’s a moron, you’re better off out of it. He will still be doing this shit in ten years, guarantee it.

Youll be fine OP, it’s really not you. It’s him. Any 40 year old who thinks is a legitimate way of ending a relationship has some serious issues.

Most likely yes, there is someone else. At least that’s what happened to me. After four years, 2 years engaged I was ghosted. Months later Found out he met and married someone else (we were long distance the last couple of years)

Just move on as he has done you a favour. It is a horrible dickhead thing to do but at least you recognize his true colours now. I was ghosted by someone because they kept ringing everyday just when I was doing dinner for a long moan about all their ex and same issues on every phone call so I quit what's app and then they never answered my texts or emails again. Narcissists the lot of them. Read up on boundaries and red flags etc and set your standards higher and stay single for a while as really it is quite good not having an arsehole to annoy ya

It's always someone else, if it ends he'll come back.

Not that you would want him to come back after this.

Oh god! No going back now like.

Yeah it is totally narcissistic.

I've had a little pamper. Put some tan on and going to just try and get over it.

Thank you so much xx

What can happen with these men is you get drawn into a pattern of waiting for them to come back, and when they do it feels amazing and then they leave again eventually. It can go on for years and it stops you meeting anyone else. I'm speaking from experience of course, don't be like me😀

I was ghosted when I was in my 20s. I stayed with him for the weekend, he dropped me at the station and I never heard from him again - we got together as students and had been long distance for about eight months after graduation. Looking back it was not a healthy relationship, but the one good thing about the way it ended was that I was so angry I had no space to be sad.

About six months later I accidentally sent a drunk text consisting of a few random letters (he was still saved in my phone with a 1 in front of his name so appeared at the top of the list). He replied “Eh?” and I ignored it. The next day I had a second text asking what the message was about. I ignored that too and deleted his number. I had a Christmas card from him a fortnight later, no message, just to X love from Y. I actually kept it (didn’t put it on the wall) because I was so astounded. Never heard from him after that. I think he got the message.

Yes I can Imagine it happening again.

Just used and abused

May he get knob rot and incureable itchyarseitis.
Nothing less than he deserves.
Its not you, its him.
Before you go back online dating, find what you love about yourself. 💐

What do you miss about him?

I don't actually know what I miss about him.

Probably nothing hahaha xx

Kinda. I was involved with mine on and off and he's blocked me everywhere for the last 5 weeks. We sorter did split but it was said in a row and being the abusive nob he was he blocked me has refused to communicate.

Basically. November 2020 March 2021. Ghosted me for 2 weeks. Came back 3 days kicked off and cut me off again. 6 weeks later back again. 3 weeks later went again because I found out he was meeting another woman whilst not talking to me. 6 weeks and then he came back.. together for 8 months. He never put me first either. Messaging his ex. Always needed money or something for himself. I got the crumbs.

Now 5 weeks into being ignored. He's shown no emotion towards me or the split.

Arseholes they are. What was the relationship like in more detail. Was he into his women. Mine usually has someone else lined up when he ghosts me. Although I'm the first serious one since his ex. He's a prick and may aswel stay single.

So mine was got together in the October before the big lock down.Everything was great, tried to see each other when we could. Was lovely, lot of texts.

Come the April it was a bit hissy missy,
Then he ghosted me as he said I was being loud when I was drunk (I wasn't) got over that but he was still really petty. So he started ignoring me again.

Got together in the July ( ghosted me again) as no one knew we were back together, but i wanted to get member of family a present for their birthday and he didn't like it (I got on well with this family member.

Got back in touch in the august, got a bday present, but made my birthday rubbish, said he was tired. I walked away in the end as he said I was stupid in front of his brother (I wasn't) said he didn't want a relationship! I walked away, went on dating sites blocked him.

October he got in touch on POF, stupid me let my barriers down. Lockdown is over, goes out with mates goes missing.

Last week may, ignored me, ignoring messages but on fb. Looked yesterday he's blocked me on messenger and FB. He has been online and I think he's trying to get into someone. Or has.

Asked him to take me out last week, said he was tired for work, but he went out Monday with the "lads"

Pretty sad really

Very similar.. my boyfriend was obsessed with his ex. Obsessed with validation got distracted so easily by other women. I was 15 years younger and attractive enough for him. But nah still wasn't enough. He'd flirt with his grow daughters friends mother. His brothers exes. His ex wife's sister. Women from his school days he hasn't seen for 30 years. Plus he's on tinder and I don't doubt he uses wattsapp etc.

Commitment phobe..he'd talk shout the future when he needed to. When he was on a high usually or if he had just had some money and was feeling relived.. but he didn't even want to talk single of Facebook. I remember saying after 4 months I'd like to put the relationship on Facebook. He suggested I was doing it from a jealous place. His reason was I asked him why he kept droning on about Katie from his school days at me.

My Ex is 48 and has no friends that he sees. His whole family have cut him off. He's screwed up his relationship with his grown up kids. He's just an all round dramary man.

One of the final disagreements we had was about his ex and him exchanging messages again. But also I realised he gave his dog more affection than me. He'd wake up in the morning and kiss his dog and hug him. We were no longer having sex because he back hurt too much. But he was able to get on his hands and knees to lean over his dog for 10 minutes and roll about. I used to sit there and get jealous that he was staring at his dog with love and I hadn't had a snog for a month.

Happy to go through this with you. I'm always here for a chat. Are you feeling OK? I'm asking as mine was quite nasty either words and lied alot. He wasn't good for me. I am still struggling. It's not always easy

My ex did this. I'd been spending time with him and his daughter so I messaged her mum (who I'd spoken to previously) a few weeks later to ask after the little girl, because he'd told me she hated me not long before ghosting me. Her mum is lovely, told me she really liked me, told me about his girlfriend he was now with who he'd been with since before he ghosted me, and through a lot of counselling I realised how abusive he was, and I didn't even notice. Still friendly with the little girls mum and the little girl wants me in her life still-absolutely honoured. She doesn't see her abusive father anymore.

Sometimes people are just scum, it wasn't you OP it was 100% him

Yes . I had a relationship about the same amount of time.
But he wasn't one for ignoring me prior to this he was full on with the love bombing until he totally cut me off over one stupid argument . He had been talking about marriage just before this happened, I was completely blind sided and took me a long time to get over it.
It was awful and I feel for you. What made it worse for me if that we worked at the same place . So I'd see him in the office while he totally blanked me .

Oh my god that is awful.

I'm just keeping on the low at the moment so I don't bump into him.

Bastard

Keep a mantra in your head - “you are never going to treat me badly ever again. I deserve better. I’m done.” If he ever gets back in touch that’s all you ever need to say to him.

But take time to lick your wounds before you go back in the dating pool.

He is an awful person and you were too nice. He saw that he could get away with dropping you and picking you up again whenever he fancied. Hold your head up high and take some time for yourself. Reflect on what you want from a relationship and how you would like to be treated. You can learn from this. You deserve so much better.

Thank you so much for that! The whole thing is a mess and I am at a age now where I just can't be bothered with the drama

You are asking the wrong question!
Instead of wondering why he ghosted you, you should be asking yourself why you let him treat you in this despicable way... for 18 months!

Your story, and the others on this thread, are so sad.
Don't ever allow yourself to be treated dismissively or as second best!

2 books would help you on stop you from twisting yourself into pretzels for worthless men:
Women Who love too much
The 6 pillars of self esteem
💐

I think women really fall in love and are more emotionally connected in a relationship than men are - hence why, in situations like this, the woman gets hurt, badly.

How are you feeling today?

Definitely don’t let him darken your life again! Block him back in case he unblocks you and move on because what you’ve been doing for a year and a half is WASTING YOUR TIME that could have been spent in a loving relationship.

Men like this make me want to vomit. Honestly they are bottom feeders. He’ll always be at the bottom scumming around. Now you can escape & swim away to a better place. I hope his dick drops off also.