Wits end with partner deferring kids but telling me he wants them??

[Witsend12s]

I’m mid 30s and completely fed up with DP saying he wants kids with me but not actually doing it.

He frequently says he’s be ‘over the moon’ if I ‘fell’ pregnant. I’ve told him I’m on the pill and reminded him he doesn’t want me to come off it? To which he says well we will eventually.

Then the following week, we’ll walk past a family and he will comment how sweet the baby is and that he can’t wait for all of that and is excited that he will have something he considers to be ‘the best experience ever.’

I’ve asked him directly why he does this and yet we are not actually TTC and he just says we will soon. I’ve asked WHEN SPECIFICALLY and he will agree to a timeframe when I say ‘by July’ then it gets to then and he says not yet. And then the comments continue about how great it would be if it happened.

it’s got to the point now where I am so unhappy and sad. I’m not getting younger and he will be celebrating his 40th next year!!!! My best friend says to come off the pill and don’t tell him as he’s given every indication that he wants it. I don’t feel ok with that though, it’s not how I imagined things and I it makes me so so sad. I don’t want to get back out there dating, I just wanted a family.

My advice is that you tell him I feel I am in a so called relationship that going no where. I have been honest with you about wanting a family but up keep telling me you soon.
I am now X age and I have to consider my fertility as I have a limited time to get pregnant.
I don't have time waiting for you to grow up and by 40 you should know if you want child or not.

My ex bf was so bloody to others' kids, random people used to comment how clucky he is.

He asked me once what would I do if I accidentally fell pregnant, I said keep it, of course.
That freaked him out he said he's not ready for children; and dumped me. Lol

Hurt at the time as he didn't want kids with me.

(Btw I'm currently 35, pregnant and I'm with a man I'm madly in love with. Get out there and meet your match- this man isn't it).

*broody

Come off the pill and tell him. Let him know contraception is now his responsibility if he doesn’t want children.

i had a friend with a similar story. She was married and it was always ‘we’ll try in the next x months’ but then something else would crop up.

She went through early menopause (late 30s) and so it never happened for her. I feel so sad for her and so angry at him.

I would tell him that you are coming off the pill, but I would keep on taking them.
You will see how he behaves in the weeks that follow.
It might be a real eye opener if he starts to pick fights or behave badly - even while claiming to be happy TTC.
His subconscious will show you both what he's really thinking and you can toss this one back while you still have time

Or you have the most likely scenario which is that he'll carry on saying all the right things until she ends up pregnant, which is when he then panics and scarpers.

It's so crystal clear he doesn't want DC - or if he does, he doesn't want them with the OP.

Sorry to hear you're in this position Op.

Have you had fertility checks done? I'd advise you to do that (not sure about the NHS, but privately they can be done quite quickly and cost under £300). It will dive you an indication of your current fertility status and then you can make informed decisions. You don't know what your fertility is like, nobody does, and nobody can guarantee that it will happen easily for you.

If you are fortunate to conceive, carry to full term and give birth to a healthy child you really won't care that much about your "partner's" opinion on the child at this point. The child will become our focus. And whether your relationship lasts or not, you're most likely going to be left with the baby and the majority of the care.

I'm a single mother by choice and have a son using sperm donation. I almost missed out on parenthood because of too many failed relationships and the men within them who had more or less strung me along.

My son has been the absolute making of me, and I used to be someone who would be in bits over a man. Now I laugh and thank my lucky stars that I'm no longer a slave to the oxytocin (produced in a relationship lol) and a the shitty behaviour I used to put up with due to dear of not having a family.

Don't ever allow any man to rob you off this experience. They know that a child will become the no 1 priority and can't handle that a lot of the times hence why the fobbing off about having children in the first place. A relationship can end at any point.

Never love a man more than you love yourself

^ very true.

why do your wishes not count? he has it all his own way.

His actions are speaking louder than his words, he does not want DC, or at least not with you. I wouldn't even give him an ultimatum, I'd just leave and find someone who is enthusiastic to settle down and have DC.

Have you seen the other thread for the poster is asking how many women have been strong along by man I'd lost out on the chance to have a child? It's really worth reading.

You say DP so I take it you're not even married yet, so I don't know why you're putting the cart before the horse and wanting to get pregnant to a man who want even commit to you, let alone commit to having a baby. Concentrate on marrying him first, then try for a baby. But since he won't commit to you or commit to having a baby anytime soon, I think the relationship is doomed. Go and find a man who wants to commit to you and who want to have a family with you. He will be out there. This man by the sound of it is future faking and leading you on, he really does not intend on having a baby, you are throwing your precious time away on him.

Your partner wants to have children but he is not absolutely sure he wants them with you.
He is clearly stalling in a hope/ fantasy that the right woman waltzes into his life and everything will be perfect. Including babies.