Not married, baby’s surname

[Jusetj]

Why is it important to have your own surname? I think I’ve probably missed something huge here but I’ve read loads that you shouldn’t give the other surname, I’m just not sure why?

I live in Portugal and when I explain usually when married the woman loses her surname people are shocked, asking why on earth would she lose her name. Here you just add surnames, some people have very long surnames but day to day go by 1 of them. The teenagers I taught thought it ridiculous, boys and girls that children usually only have 1 surname.

My dc are 17 and 15 and have their fathers surname. (Well DS1 changed his recently but until then)

I have never had a problem with the DRs, I'm listed on their medical notes as their mother. If I understand the system correctly they are linked to my notes.
Schools (3 and a college between them) have got my name wrong maybe 5 times in total. And usually when it's been a supply/new teacher. Not helped by our names being very similar.

I don't regret giving them their fathers name. Even if they do choose to change it when they are old enough.

Because he is the father of my children. He didn't even ask. I just put his name.

We are married but DT’s have double barrelled surname. I haven’t changed my surname when we got married 26 years ago
Can never understood either changing your surname or not giving yours to your DC’s

It's traditional in the uk for babies to take their mothers name.

You’re the one that did all the actual work though.

Women and children legally belonged to men (like slaves) when this “tradition” began. Hideous. No idea why anyone would do it in 2022.

I didn't do it in 2022.

Nothing hideous about it now at all. Their names went better with his surname. I have no attachment to mine.

Because you’re turning your life upside down and taking a hit mentally physically emotionally and career wise

plus patriarchal bullshit

It’s ridiculous
you’re making the sacrifice - give him or her your name

my children have my husbands name. All is good here biy I kick myself for not having insisted on a double barrel

The OP might.

You responded to me not the op. And if (never going to happen) I was pregnant now, the baby would have DPs surname

Another biggest regret ever here. But he was bering aggressive about it so I went along with his name.

@AllThingsServeTheBeam

Because he is the father of my children. He didn't even ask. I just put his name.

And you're the mother of your children.
Why is that less important than him being the other parent?

I wish I hadn't changed my name and I wish the children had my name, or both our names ideally. I only did it at the time because my surname wasn't one that double barrelled with anything very well, and it seemed too much hassle for us both to change to a new name (DH's suggestion). And it wouldn't have got a positive reaction from family (RubbishRobot being awkward again). I'd just give the kids both our names now though.

Women shouldn't be giving their children their father's name, with no trace of their own, and usually without even thinking about what they're doing. Even in 2022 it's assumed this will happen.

Would never give my child someone else’s name, just because that person was born with a penis and I was born with a vagina

the kid came out of me, gets my name

Did you not see the bit where I said his name suited their names better?

Because this is mums net and God forbid any 50/50 argument go in the favour of a father.

Im a single mother, never married and gave my son his father's surname as there was jo other way of keeping the family name going (there'd been a spate of females in the previous 2 generations).
We seperated before ds was 2.
Ive never been questioned about different names, or challenged at the airport or had comment other than occasionally at first meeting with a teacher, them automatically assuming. Quick correction and everyone's happy.

I can't stand my ex. However I have never regretted my child's surname whatsoever

there was jo other way of keeping the family name going (there'd been a spate of females in the previous 2 generations).

Women keeping their names and passing them on to their children would achieve that.

When you think about it you either give your child their fathers name or your fathers name, or your mothers fathers name if you have your mothers surname and so forth (back?)

I don't understand. Why is the father's name his own name, but the mother's isn't?

Is it only men who are allowed to consider that the names they've had their whole lives belong to them?

Not at all. The point was that everyone’s name is their fathers or grandfathers name, going back to the Saxons and when surnames were first made commonplace. The history of the surname is quite interesting if you were to look it up

Erm.

1. Not everyone is of "Saxon" descent. I'm not, for example. Along with maybe 98 percent of the world.

1. Surnames are much more recent than that for many people and cultures, including in the UK. My surname dates back approximately 5 generations (or 2 with this spelling).

1. All those women on this thread who have given our children our surnames - in what way are their names their "father's or grandfather's names"?

And @MoonKnight the only way this will change for our children is for us to start giving them our surnames.

And I love how in these discussions men are always attached to their surname for some reason, but women never really ‘love’ theirs, so they give the DC the partner’s surname 🙄

Huge regrets that I didn’t give my own surname to eldest DC. It was just assumed they would have their dad’s surname and I didn’t argue but I’ll always be a bit gutted about it. We split when they were quite small and there’s no way a name change would be agreed to.

I agree it’s a sexist tradition and seems territorial.

The travel issue is alleviated simply by taking the birth certificate with you though.

pretending that surnames are not patrilineal is ridiculous.

giving your children your own surname will not stop the patriarchy, and does not make you better than the women who decide to give their children their fathers name.

how many had their father ‘give them away’?

It baffles me the amount of women on here who want to change their child's name because their relationship has broken down. If you want to name your child after someone else you have to be absolutely certain you are happy for your child to have that name, at least until adulthood. If not then give your baby the same name as you. Names and relationship status should not be connected.