My DC are now late teens and they are absolutely lovely. We have a great relationship and I feel incredibly lucky.
I read so many threads on MN about people who have gone NC or LC with parents or otherwise distanced themselves. I am in regular contact with my own parents but tend to keep them at arm's length emotionally because of hurtful things said and done in the past. I find the idea that my relationship with my children might go the same way in future really terrible, so I'm starting this thread to see if anyone has any good advice to avoid this, and to post some ideas of my own.
What do you think helps parents maintain a good relationship with adult children?
Rules I am going to try to follow-
- Try to be accepting of them as they are rather than disappointed that they didn't do or become the things you imagined.
- Discuss things like differences in political opinions if it's fun and enlightening for the participants but not otherwise. Don't get pissed and go on a massive rants about immigrants or why white men are actually the most disadvantaged group of all (speaking from experience here!)
- Accept that best practice around things like pregnancy and childcare changes over time. Don't take it as implied criticism of how you did things.
- Be welcoming to new partners and remember that it's your role to put them at ease not put them to the test.
- Be positive. I can remember telling my mum that I'd had an article published on the website of a magazine and her replying "It's not the actual magazine though, is it?" So now I don't tell her that sort of thing. If you have a tendency towards negative word vomit, work on it.
- Don't be clingy and overly emotionally dependent on them (I think this is a hard one).
- Model the relationship you want with your adult children with your own parents (hard one if your own parents are difficult).
I'd love to know what other people would suggest.