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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My husband asked me to change my shorts to leggings because men were in the house working!!!!!

133 replies

bananamuffin89 · 12/05/2022 20:10

I was wearing shorts... we had men in the house doing work and my husband asked me if I was changing into leggings??
He said they would be 'looking at my hole'
What the helllllllll!!

I didn't change and we haven't mentioned it.

OP posts:
Topseyt123 · 13/05/2022 03:49

My response to your husband's comment would have been "bugger off, I'll wear what I like."

There would be no further discussion, and I most certainly wouldn't have gone to change into leggings.

strrawberriesandcream · 13/05/2022 04:03

Even if the OP was wearing really short shorts that's her business in her house.

No man should be telling her to change and certainly shouldn't be referring to her body in such a grotesque way.

And whoever said she would change so a workman didn't get the wrong end of the stick, wtf?!

There's a thread atm with some batshit responses about baby and toddler girls swimwear. People harping on about what's 'appropriate' when the poor kid isn't even out of nappies. And here people are still fucking at it with grown women.

Leave women alone to dress in any way they feel happy and comfortable. A pair of shorts ffs.

Marmaladegin · 13/05/2022 04:05

MrsJorahMormont · 12/05/2022 21:22

I'm assuming he's Irish?

I was going to say this. Assuming he's Irish "hole" just means bum, for anyone reading this. It's not nearly as grim and offensive as it is if you're English

Sharrowgirl · 13/05/2022 06:33

pedropony76 · 13/05/2022 01:31

The comment about the hole was super unnecessary.

I don’t see the problem though but maybe that’s because if I had somewhat revealing clothes on, I’d always change when someone comes to my house. That goes for workmen or family members/friends etc. Everyone was raised differently

Is a pair of shorts revealing? It’s a normal item of clothing.

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 13/05/2022 06:42

pedropony76 · 13/05/2022 01:35

I feel a lot of people are being purposely obtuse. If you have random workmen coming into your house, you don’t know if they could be creeps or not. It’s not really about ‘so why’s he letting them into your house then.’ It’s more so about weighing up the risk.

There’s no hassle in changing clothes to something less revealing (ie from shorts with your legs out to trousers) when random people are in your house. I feel the comments would be more valid if it was DH’s own friends and he was suggesting the OP changes.

Anyway I guess the point is, is that OP’s DH asked her to change as opposed to her wanting to change herself🤷‍♀️

People aren’t being ‘purposely obtuse’. People are recognising that women can wear whatever they choose to wear without policing themselves to check whether it’s something their husband will approve of or whether they are likely to see other men while wearing it or not.

I mean - what does your post actually mean? “Something less revealing”? What do you think is likely to happen if men see her legs? Obviously no one nowadays is stupid enough to believe that what a woman is wearing has any bearing on whether or not she is sexually assaulted or raped, so what are you saying?

Oscarthedog · 13/05/2022 06:45

That's terrible and controlling. wear what you like on your own body.

PetersRabbitt · 13/05/2022 06:48

Why don’t he tell the men not to stare then??

I wouldn’t change, especially in my own home!!!

Tamzo85 · 13/05/2022 06:49

Shorts for training or running? You mean super short gym style shorts then? Obviously you can do what you want but yeah the men will probably be gawking at you in short running shorts even if your not aware. Of course they’ll also be gawking at you in skin tight leggings. Not sure why your husband thinks they would be better.

cleolayne · 13/05/2022 06:54

I fund it impossible to concentrate if i see a man wearing shorts. I totally lose my mind. Cant train at a gym unless i wear blinkers

The sight of naked, hairy legs Confused🙄

0dette · 13/05/2022 07:02

pedropony76 · 13/05/2022 01:35

I feel a lot of people are being purposely obtuse. If you have random workmen coming into your house, you don’t know if they could be creeps or not. It’s not really about ‘so why’s he letting them into your house then.’ It’s more so about weighing up the risk.

There’s no hassle in changing clothes to something less revealing (ie from shorts with your legs out to trousers) when random people are in your house. I feel the comments would be more valid if it was DH’s own friends and he was suggesting the OP changes.

Anyway I guess the point is, is that OP’s DH asked her to change as opposed to her wanting to change herself🤷‍♀️

Well that might be your point ( or the OPs husbands point ). But it’s not what 99% of posters on this thread are saying.

You are obviously not from the Uk or any other Western European country. Otherwise you would know that shorts are a standard item of clothing for men, women and children, especially when it’s warmer weather or when exercising.

And it’s even more bizarre that you think it would be ok for the OPs husband to ask her to change if his friends were arriving . I can only assume that you watch a lot of porn and believe that a woman is a sexual object owned by her husband, to be dressed up like a Barbie doll for the titillation of him and his mates.

You really REALLY need to work on your misogynistic attitudes and values @pedropony76 .

Squiff70 · 13/05/2022 07:05

If you were parading round in a lace thong then yes I'd agree with this... but SHORTS?

I wouldn't have changed either!

Rosehugger · 13/05/2022 07:10

How do men look at your bum hole when you are wearing normal shorts? My bum cheeks would be in the way if I weren't wearing anything. What a horrible thing to say.

hesbeen2021 · 13/05/2022 07:27

FFS I bloody give up. Wtf is wrong with people these days that, firstly men think they have the right to suggest appropriate clothing for their partner and secondly that women feel the need to ask others strangers opinions on said men suggesting this?
We all abide by social norms, I wouldn't wear shorts into the office and I'd probably, you know, work out myself what I chose to wear if we had company in the house ( whether that was friends, family or working people)
If I was in the garden in a bikini I'd almost certainly shove a cardigan over if I needed to answer the door to the post man for example, but that's my choice, exdh would never, ever have suggested it....
BUT I don't need anyone telling me what to wear and when, even my 8 year old GS with ASD knows what to wear on what occasions. And I'm older, is this really happening to young women in 2022?

Ppbbww9 · 13/05/2022 07:34

So I take it he likes looking at other women when they are wearing shorts? He obviously thinks all men are like him.

myuterusistryingtokillme · 13/05/2022 08:05

pedropony76 · 13/05/2022 01:35

I feel a lot of people are being purposely obtuse. If you have random workmen coming into your house, you don’t know if they could be creeps or not. It’s not really about ‘so why’s he letting them into your house then.’ It’s more so about weighing up the risk.

There’s no hassle in changing clothes to something less revealing (ie from shorts with your legs out to trousers) when random people are in your house. I feel the comments would be more valid if it was DH’s own friends and he was suggesting the OP changes.

Anyway I guess the point is, is that OP’s DH asked her to change as opposed to her wanting to change herself🤷‍♀️

The OP is a grown woman, who is perfectly capable of deciding for herself if she wants to continue wearing what she is wearing, she does NOT need her husband telling her to go and get changed like she is 5 years old. Plus how he said was really disgustingly misogynistic

Mumoblue · 13/05/2022 08:13

Ew. A guy who thinks he can tell me what to wear would seriously give me the ick.
If a partner said something like this to me, I’d tell him to get fucked- and then reconsider being in a relationship with them.

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 13/05/2022 08:28

Onwards22 · 12/05/2022 21:25

If this is real then I honestly don’t know why you didn’t finish it there and then.

Its absolutely unacceptable to tell anyone what to wear especially a grown adult.

I would be looking very closely at other behaviours you’ve not recognised as red flags as this is pretty extreme.

I don't tolerate fools gladly but that's OTT. Unless he's got form for this sort of thing and it could be the straw that broke the camel's back

snowwhitebathrobe · 13/05/2022 08:33

And a tight pair of leggings is less revealing then a pair of shorts? How?

snowwhitebathrobe · 13/05/2022 08:35

He may have overheard them talking, op. Men can talk differently amongst them than in front of their spouses. Everyone knows that.

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 13/05/2022 08:39

He's been watching too much Dukes of Hazzard.

pedropony76 · 13/05/2022 08:41

Even if the OP was wearing really short shorts that's her business in her house.

This is my point though. Why would you WANT to wear really short short when random men are going to be in your house? I’d genuinely like an answer to that

@Sharrowgirl a vest is a normal item of clothing. That doesn’t mean it may not be somewhat revealing to someone with a busty chest. I know shorts are a normal item of clothing but I was talking about myself by saying I would personally change into something else. That’s more so I can feel comfortable with what I’m wearing with people I don’t know in my house

Watchkeys · 13/05/2022 08:41

snowwhitebathrobe · 13/05/2022 08:35

He may have overheard them talking, op. Men can talk differently amongst them than in front of their spouses. Everyone knows that.

So what? Why didn't he tell OP what he'd heard them say, and let her decide how to deal with it? Why didn't he tell them to change their behaviour, rather than expecting OP to change because they were being inappropriate?

Even if this wasn't about clothing, he essentially took control of OP's situation, and told her what she should do. Do you think that's ok?

pedropony76 · 13/05/2022 08:43

People are recognising that women can wear whatever they choose to wear without policing themselves to check whether it’s something their husband will approve of or whether they are likely to see other men while wearing it or not.

@TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross that literally isn’t what’s happened in this scenario at all. As for the rest of your post, I won’t even reply because you’re genuinely being dumb. My post never even indicated anything of the sort but here you are jumping to unnecessary conclusions…

pedropony76 · 13/05/2022 08:52

0dette · 13/05/2022 07:02

Well that might be your point ( or the OPs husbands point ). But it’s not what 99% of posters on this thread are saying.

You are obviously not from the Uk or any other Western European country. Otherwise you would know that shorts are a standard item of clothing for men, women and children, especially when it’s warmer weather or when exercising.

And it’s even more bizarre that you think it would be ok for the OPs husband to ask her to change if his friends were arriving . I can only assume that you watch a lot of porn and believe that a woman is a sexual object owned by her husband, to be dressed up like a Barbie doll for the titillation of him and his mates.

You really REALLY need to work on your misogynistic attitudes and values @pedropony76 .

Show quote history

@0dette do you have comprehension issues? I said I feel the comments would be more valid if it was DH’s own friends and he was suggesting that the OP changes. If you don’t understand what that means then sorry to you.

You can’t understand a basic sentence but have the cheek to be patronising about I’m ‘obviously not from the UK or any Western European country.’ I’m from Zone 1 London born and bred thanks very much. I obviously know what shorts are so how about you pull your finger out.

I (just going to put this in brackets because I know you struggle to comprehend things. I meaning I’m talking about myself) have wide hips, big thighs and a big bum. I wouldn’t wear shorts outside let alone inside with random men in the house. That was my point. My other point was it’s not difficult to realise that some people may not want to wear shorts around men they don’t know whether in their own house or not.

In this situation the OP was clearly comfortable and as I said in my post. The problem clearly lies with her DH suggesting she changes as opposed to her willingly wanting to change for herself. I hope you’re able to understand this with no issues. Enjoy your day

RedWingBoots · 13/05/2022 08:55

snowwhitebathrobe · 13/05/2022 08:35

He may have overheard them talking, op. Men can talk differently amongst them than in front of their spouses. Everyone knows that.

Is he trying to get a discount on the work if the OP wears leggings?

Because I don't understand why he's telling the OP to swap to wearing something tight fitting and will help highlight a part of her body more.