Newborn, as awful as I’ve read? advice please

[Scsredrd]

I’ve heard horror stories of a new baby. To the point where I feel like I won’t cope even though I always thought I would. Is it as terrible as people say? Is it lonely and exhausting? I was ready to go in and take what I had to but honestly the things I’ve heard have made me terrified.

Yes, can depend a lot on partner. I'd say do try to be clear with your partner what expectations are, that you will be working hard looking after the baby, so partner needs to come home after work and say 'What do you need me to do?' I wish I'd been more assertive about that when mine were tiny because DH totally would have responded had I asked that - he was helpful and supportive in general btw, but could have done more.

Horror stories are the exception and not the rule - you may be unlucky and get a colicky baby or one that wakes constantly, but that's not usual. And even in the worst case, as everyone has said, it does pass.

The first 12 weeks will be utterly all over the place, even with an 'easy' baby so you just have to go with the flow. I'm a bit of a control freak but even I managed to negotiate that twice

I’ve got a newborn, less than a month old. Some days are great and some are not. My hormones have been all over the place so I’ve cried a lot!
My dh and I have covid- we’ve avoided it this whole time and then some stupid family member brought it into our house. The first week my dh was sick so everything fell on me. Running the house, looking after him and caring for our new baby. It was beyond stressful. I struggled massively but I got though it. I was able to function (barely) with hardly any sleep. I relied on food being delivered, snacks, a good wash tv show to have on in the background and didn’t bother with minimal things like doing my hair or making sure the house was freshly hoovered.
Like everything, there are going to be good days and there will be days that are tough. I sadly didn’t feel the rush of love thag most women talk about. My bond developed slowly and that was scary and tough. Make sure you have people to talk to, someone who will just listen to you! You’ll get loads of advice from people but pick and choose what you take onboard and do what’s right for you!

Newborn stage is amazing, just keep in mind that not much will be done for the first couple of weeks other than sit on the sofa with ur boobs out.
People think baby will just sleep and life will continue as before then are surprised to have a hard time.
Have a basket by the sofa with nappies wipes snack and remote control and enjoy the snuggles.
Then slowly do more as you feel able to.
Make sure partner or whoever helps by taking over the cooking/housework, or if single batch cook before hand and forget housework. Catch up on sleep during the day if not slept at night.
Not rocket science.

The nice thing about hearing all the horror stories is that (in my experience) it wasn’t anywhere nearly as bad! In fact, I’ve enjoyed most of it. Having said that, I’ve been told I have an easy baby and I have a supportive partner which has helped. You’ll be fine!

I loved the newborn stage - I could happily give a miss though to the 18 months to 3.5 yr stage and post 11! But I've been lucky I have had 3 boys who all slept well, had long afternoon naps and I admit I bottlefed them all . My 3rd son was an absolute bugger though from 18 months to 3.5 to get to sleep at night- I can't count the amount of hours I had on his floor till 10pm - hes 24 now though !

As a pp said, people do love giving you their horror stories but honestly, for me it's been fine.

My son wakes up once in the night and that's it. It's easy to manage things around him too.

I'd say the key is to make sure you've got everything ready prior to the baby's birth (I.e. Finish decorating that room that's annoying you, get an organised nursery room/space sorted, get your admin and finances in order etc.) and then all you have to focus on is keeping the baby happy.

Good luck!

Yep, no horror stories here. It was one of my favourite stages.

It all depends on the baby. Mine ate, slept and pooped. That was it, I was quite bored, even my dad complained he never saw her awake! Even up to now (she's 13) we haven't had more than 10 bad nights with her.

I absolutely hated it. It was boring, I hated the lack of sleep and being depended upon for everything. But some people enjoy it. I preferred the teen years but lots of people hate those years. Different strokes for different folks.

Everyone is different and some people have a tough time, others don’t. Fortunately, my children slept very well from a young age and had no issues, so I had a pretty easy time of it.

I absolutely loved it and look forward to doing it again

I genuinely loved the newborn stage. I ebfd, coslept (in the nursery), had a cleaner in 3 times a week and we ordered in a lot of food. I'd do it again and again. Approx 18mo to 5y can fuck right off though. Hideous.

It was horrendous and I felt genuinely traumatised by those early weeks for a long time. But it passes, as all things do, and I'd say it's worth it in the end.

My daughter is nearly 3 now and the baby days already feel like a distant memory (or nightmare!). I could never go through it all again so she'll remain a much loved only child, and we both very happy with that.

I hated it. It wrecked my mental health. But DS was a none sleeping, scream machine for the first 4 or so months. Friends who had sleepy, smiley babies loved it. The vast majority of your experience depends on the type of baby you are given.

DS is a toddler now and he’s the most fabulous thing in my entire world, so I don’t regret it, even though it was incredibly hard.

I loved the newborn phase, I was in a blissful daze for like two months. Becoming a mother made me feel a deep contentment that I'd never experienced before. I had mild/moderate postnatal anxiety, and an average baby (vs easy or hard) who also had some health problems. Wouldn't trade that time for anything. Everyone's experience is different, having a supportive partner is huge though.

I had some issues with my newborn such as colic, but by far and away my biggest problem was the severe PND I experienced, which literally sucked my soul away. I wish so much I could have enjoyed my baby but it was all I could do to keep her warm, fed and clean. No emotional connection whatsoever for ages.

She's (well, they, as a-gender) are now 15 and I love them fit to bursting.

Tbh I think MN is a really bad place to go to for information about babies&children. 99% of what you read on here is negative: most of the babies seem to never sleep, have reflux and cry most of the time, the toddlers are all tantrumming nightmares, and so it goes on. It doesn't reflect my experience of raising children at all. Everyone I know had good and bad times, but the good far outweighed the bad.
I would advise any new mum to stay away from MN until her DC are at least 5 years old.

I was petrified about this too, really scared I wouldn’t cope. My baby is now 3.5 weeks old and it’s not been as bad as people made it out to be (apart from last night where she had trapped wind and I was up what felt like all night so I feel like the walking dead today) the worst part of it was breastfeeding going absolutely terribly, her losing weight and making the decision to switch to pumping with formula top ups - now I’ve started to make peace with that I’m starting to enjoy her. I should add that my husband is absolutely incredible and does more than his “share”, especially now we are bottle feeding. It would be an entirely different ballgame for me if I was doing this alone or if he was a lazy twat like some friends’ husbands (their words not mine)

It's impossible to tell and it's such a roller coaster. Yes, it's hard work, exhausting, demanding, you get little sleep. It also doesn't last, and in between the tough times there are the lovely times. Having a supportive partner who pulls their weight really helps - my late husband was great in that regard. I cooked during the day, he served up, did dishes, held the baby so that I could eat, did his share of the nappies etc.

All babies are different and all situations are different so it's not possible to say what your experience will be. But 99% of the people who found it hard came out the other side. Personally- baby was very settled from birth. It took a while for me to recover physically. I made sure to have plenty of food in and people on hand to fetch any bits I needed. I couldn't understand why everyone kept saying get a routine over and over. From 6 weeks I got into a rhythm and from then DS slept through! Slept 7pm, woke at 11pm but not fully, dream bottle and nappy change, slept until 5am. Soon woke later then stopped the 11pm bottle. Brilliant. Was happy being cuddled but also content on his own in moses basket. Couldn't have asked for a better baby. There were hard days, and at first some very hard nights but nothing compared to the good times. Treasure it all, it goes faster than you'd believe.

As JenniferBarkley said, it depends on the baby you have. The good (an bad) news is that babies grow up really fast.
Don't worry, you'll be fine. Just do not try to be perfect and enjoy the moment 😘

People are not as resilient? What a load of crap!! Try being isolated for months because of Covid with a newborn baby, no friends, no family support and PND.

This all of this.

Also side note don't do what I did and have a easy 2 year old (no terrible twos for me) and think you have a unicorn child.

Mine turned 3 and omg.... the screaming, the mess and the volume.

Basically kids like to keep you on your toes. Or your knees crying. Depends on your view

I have a 5 week old (first baby) and I can genuinely say it’s been the most wonderful time of my life. Having a supportive partner makes a big difference, but it’s honestly been such a lovely time

Loved the newborn stage. Fell head over heels in love with them and loved being with them . It's like the falling in love feeling which helps with the colic and the worry and the stress lol. I loved the toddler stage also. The teenage years are hell though.