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Original poster

Newborn, as awful as I’ve read? advice please

101 replies

Scsredrd · 12/05/2022 11:51

I’ve heard horror stories of a new baby. To the point where I feel like I won’t cope even though I always thought I would. Is it as terrible as people say? Is it lonely and exhausting? I was ready to go in and take what I had to but honestly the things I’ve heard have made me terrified.

OP posts:
ronswansonstache · 12/05/2022 12:41

It's a weird time. Very hard but I look back on the newborn days so fondly and I'd love to do it again. I was happier than I'd ever been in my life before but I still cried everyday.

As PP have said it does depend on your baby, how well they feed and sleep etc.

Badger1970 · 12/05/2022 12:44

Honestly, it's a very unique experience and there were many many times with all 3 of my mine that I wanted to run out the house and never come back.

It's tiring mentally and physically, but it depends on the baby and a lot depends on your partner/extended family for helping. I got nothing from anyone (DH was setting up a business and working 15 hour days) and I struggled. When DD had hers, I made sure that I was on hand to take baby out for long walks in the pram/sling so DD could have a bath and a nap.

QueenoftheNimbleFlyingCat · 12/05/2022 12:50

Nothing can prepare you for what it's like in my opinion. It's joy, it's dull, its amazing, it's scary, it's overwhelming but YOU WILL get through it. Although it feels like the nights last forever, it is soon a distant memory as they reach toddler hood, child hood and teenage years.

You will be absolutely fine, you'll cry, you'll scream, you'll laugh and be overjoyed. Don't be afraid to ask for help and get whatever sleep you can.

GiltEdges · 12/05/2022 12:52

Nothing can prepare you for it and you can't predict what kind of baby you'll have either. My own experience was pretty miserable, primarily because I don't like babies so found it tedious and monotonous being at home with DS, whilst watching DH go back to work and about his life as if nothing much had changed (despite the fact he continued to do his fair share of housework, cooking and taking DS so I could have a break, I was still resentful).

It's amazing though that looking back at it now, the newborn stage seems like a doddle compared to parenting a toddler/preschooler has been. I can easily see how people go on to have more DC, even if their first experience wasn't the easiest. I won't personally be doing so, one is definitely enough to deal with.

numberthirtytwowindsorgardens · 12/05/2022 12:53

I agree that it depends so much n your baby. DS was a proper unicorn baby: slept, fed, was always cheerful and placid. DD ... not so much! DH says that if we had had her first, we would never have had a second.

I suppose what I mean is that it's not you. I'm so relieved we had DS first, because I think I would have been so distressed by DD's not sleeping, screaming etc., if I hadn't been pretty sure it wasn't just that I was crap at it.

Don't be psyched out 😊 I also agree with the PP who said it was just so lovely not to be pregnant anymore!!

Fundays12 · 12/05/2022 12:57

I find the newborn stage easier that the toddler stage generally. Although you do have to carry a lot with you which is a pain. I have 3 kids and find each stage brings different joys and different challenges. The best advice I can give is sleep if you can when baby sleeps and if you need it, get out and about, go to baby groups, meet with friends for a coffee etc as while the baby sleeps a lot you get peace to chat. Lol when you have a toddler you are chasing them around a lot.

Bbq1 · 12/05/2022 12:58

AnneLovesGilbert · 12/05/2022 12:00

One of the happiest times of my life! I loved having a newborn, it was epic. I also love the toddler stage, not without challenges but watching her grow up is the best thing ever.

Totally agree with this. A lovely baby bubble and a special bonding time. I loved every minute. Ds is 16 now, a great boy and I have loved and am loving every stage of parenthood.

welshweasel · 12/05/2022 12:58

You’ll be fine! I had one easy baby and one tricky baby, didn’t love the newborn stage with either, but it’s over pretty quickly. Yes you’ll be tired, it’s relentless, it’s exhausting, sometimes lonely…but it doesn’t last forever and you’ll survive. I found getting out and about every day helped, I made some good friends to hang out with, my husband was very involved and did more than his fair share and I went back to work as soon as I could!

AryaStarkWolf · 12/05/2022 13:04

I loved the newborn stage, mine were very sleepers though

Thursday37 · 12/05/2022 13:10

I had a “good” birth and great recovery but found weeks 1-6 very challenging on the sleep deprivation side. DD did not sleep and it was terrifying. I had hallucinations etc.
But DH was off for a month and did lots and lots to help. By week 6 onwards we were much better and I really enjoyed it from that point on. But those early days were very tough going indeed. I always worried I’d be the type to get PND but actually I was really well mentally, despite never having held a baby or changed a nappy before DD.

doadeer · 12/05/2022 13:11

Honestly I found the newborn phase lovely... I had a placid baby and we just lay together loads and I read, watched films. Yes it's tiring the sleep deprivation but I was having chilled out days so it wasn't too bad. Loads of nice walks and coffees with him in pram or sling. For me toddler phase much harder! 😆

Raindancer411 · 12/05/2022 13:12

Both times I found it ok, but I had a hands on hubby who did the cooking whilst I did on demand breast feeding. I felt they breastfeeding (so no bottles or prep) worked well with us. Sleepy wise I find it worse now at nearly 2, than newborn.

Flavourflava · 12/05/2022 13:14

I loved it. Mat leave was one of the happiest times of my life, but you're not going to get many threads saying 'wow! I'm so happy!' so they lean towards people having struggles or specific difficulties.

Enko · 12/05/2022 13:17

I loved the newborn stage

the toddler year 2 -3.5 stage I could happily miss out on

Mommabear20 · 12/05/2022 13:17

Personally, I found the newborn stage the easiest (with my first! The second was harder because of the older child causing chaos 😂). They're much more compliant at that stage and makes going out far easier than bribing a toddler to not take their shoes off the second your back is turned 😂 but every stage has it's pros and cons, parenting is never a straight path. I think most people find it's not at all like they thought it would be, but you adapt and find you're own groove. And don't forget people are more likely to tell you the negatives that the positives!

Viostep · 12/05/2022 13:19

I loved the newborn stage. Newborn snuggles are just the best. The feeding every 2-3 hours stage was tiring but I have an excellent husband who did his fair share. Sometimes the tiredness hits you, and we would let each other have naps during the day or just sit on the couch cuddling her most days.

I think it depends on the baby's temperament and whether you have a good support network around you. Even though she was quite an easy baby, I would have found it very tough to do it all myself. I'm in awe of single mothers and those with twins.

emmaluggs · 12/05/2022 13:20

Loved the newborn stage! The biggest thing for me was letting go of the things people say make a rod for your back. So cuddle them whenever they need it, get a sling if you need to. I just loved snuggling with mine watching TV and eating snacks. The first few weeks abut the first 6 are the hardest at night I found, but once we got to 6 weeks we got our rhythm. The more you accept they are not predictable and just focus on cuddles the easier it is. All of that is obviously not applicable to things like silent reflux etc.

MassiveSalad22 · 12/05/2022 13:20

It’s heaven 😍 yes it’s emotional and hard but my 6 week old still just sleeps all the time and is starting to smile during the few minutes of wake time. It’s lush! And it’s over quickly so if you hate it it’s not for long. Our days consist of carrier naps while I walk through the countryside, then carrier naps while I do some chores and have lunch, then sitting in bed watching tv until it’s time to do the school run.

My second born was very easy too. My first born was very tricky - still doesn’t sleep through and he’s 7 - and was a failure to thrive as BF brigade convinced me to keep breastfeeding for 3 months even though cleerly there was a problem (went from 75th to 2nd centile). But I have such happy memories of his newborn days! Especially as he was the first born, all attention on him, lovely walks, loads of biscuits and telly, problem solving (how to get him to sleep, feed, turn his head (he had torticollis). We also moved house when he was 2 months old so it’s not like your whole life stops once a baby comes along. The adrenaline and happy hormones last for a good few months in my experience, which really helps with the 4th trimester. Was on cloud 9 for about a year with my first even though he was the hardest!!

suzyscat · 12/05/2022 13:20

I went in with images of ghostly white, exhausted new mothers I'd known in my mind, expecting it to be awful but honestly it was bliss.

I'm glad I had my first first as they were an easy baby, the second one taught me how individual they are and half of what you do doesn't matter. They're their own person.

Some people have an absolutely tottering time of it, but it doesn't last. It's cliched but true, it does by so fast. (The sleep deprivation helps with that too.)

ObjectionHearsay · 12/05/2022 13:22

Loved the newborn stage. Mainly because they stay where you put them. No climbing, crawling, escaping and danger lol

I also just adapted to baby, it's weird how your brain just does it. Baby sleep I sleep, baby wake up and cry, I wake up and tend to needs. I never once felt stressed, sad or frustrated. I was a bit tired but it didn't last long.

Toddlers though....don't get me started 🤣

CrazyRatLover · 12/05/2022 13:23

I loved the newborn stage and found it very easy. I was lucky to have good babies. They slept a lot in the day and only woke once or twice in the night. If you're relaxed then they're relaxed.

Bimbil19 · 12/05/2022 13:25

I think my expectations of having a newborn were similar to yours, OP, before my first was born. The result was that actually I personally found it was much more pleasant than I expected. My health visitor said in her experience the people who go into it with their eyes wide open do tend to find it a little less of a shock.

The hardest part is adjusting to the lack of sleep and not having time to yourself. My second is 8 weeks old and I've found it much easier this time because I'd already been through the pain barrier on both of those things. The key for me both times has been, as a PP said, getting out every day into the fresh air - makes me feel human!

ElenaSt · 12/05/2022 13:27

I loved my newborns. I was never sleep deprived as I just napped during the day and am fortunate I can go off to sleep at any time.

I breastfed and so didn't have the extra work of prepping bottles etc.

Although it's frowned on nowadays I always had mine in bed with me/us.

It was only when they were old enough to start moving around that it became a challenge.

Thursday37 · 12/05/2022 13:33

CrazyRatLover · 12/05/2022 13:23

I loved the newborn stage and found it very easy. I was lucky to have good babies. They slept a lot in the day and only woke once or twice in the night. If you're relaxed then they're relaxed.

I’m sorry but that’s up there with “you’ll get pregnant if you just stop trying”.

Some babies are very high needs (not good and bad) and being relaxed has sod all to do with it. Really unhelpful thing for people struggling (which wasn’t me btw).

My neighbour has had a really difficult time with her newborn and had dreadful PND. Now weaning her baby has been diagnosed with multiple allergies and a genetic issue. But I’ll pass on that she just needed to relax 😏

autienotnaughty · 12/05/2022 13:34

Everyone has a different experience. My first was easy slept through at 6w always placid easygoing. The second another great sleeper but vile temper as a toddler. The third had reflux, allergies, screamed constantly and didn't sleep through til about 18m. He has also been diagnosed with asd. They are all wonderful. The best advice I can give is that parenting constantly changes. Difficult patches end, if you feel like your struggling remind yourself ifs not forever, the stage will pass.